Cheated and still in love

[elsie21]

I have the weirdest relationship I will tell you the short story.
I had a 4 years relation with a guy 6 years older than me. He cheated on me and at first I forgave him, not wanting to loose all we had together and the efforts to be together. After 2 months he cheated me again and we broke up like a month, I cried a lot after him, not for what he did to me and when he said he was sorry I forgave him again. After a few months he cheated again...with the same woman, who is actually a co-worker. We have broken up for 1 year. I suffered, I tried everything to forget about him, I didn't answer his phone calls, I even tried to go out with some guys, but I couldn't take my mind from him so last week we saw each other after 1 year. We didn't plan this, it just happened and we didn't even said hi, we hugged, kissed and cried that we missed each other. I went to his apartment, spent the night there and we talked to try again. In the meantime he had a relation with the same girl he cheated me with. He said he had no feelings for her, but he was hoping he could forget about me in this way. He promised me to talk with her to end the relation, but today he didn't answer my calls and later I find out from him that she was at his apartment to talk about the break-up, but I can't trust him, I know it wasn't just talking involved.

I seriously want to move on, to forget about him and not to be the same stupid that forgives him every time. It seems to me that when he is bored he goes to another, than to me and so on. I tried everything to forget him, I tried to spend time with family, friends, new hobby, reading, dating but my heart still wants him and I know that tomorrow I can forgive him again and his attitude makes me sick and I realize how bad he treats me, but still....I need help.

[michelle23]

Get a few sessions of counselling. Your self worth is low. You should have more self respect and higher standards and enough strenght and willpower to stay away from him

The only way you can start to heal is if you truly accept its over. Tell yourself you deserve better than this. Love is not supposed to hurt and without trust, you have nothing.

I am in a 6year relationship. If he did that to me-there would be no going back, no matter how bad it hurts-i don't care. I would rather be alone than with someone who disrespects me and emotionally abuses me in such a harmful way.

You need to realize you deserve better and don't forgive this crap the first tjme, never mind the third.. fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me

[kb753951]

i agree with michelle. i have a friend that went through the same thing for 4 years. in the end, she finally walked away. after some healing, she found love again with a man who treats her as the wonderful human being she is. you deserve better. talk to a counselor to find out why you don't believe that.

[elsie21]

Thank you, I actually don't know what to feel, he broke up with her and now he is trying to work up things with me, and I know I am very close to get back with him, after all this time I miss him, but I have something on my soul that doesn't let me get back. In private I suffer a lot and lost contact with many people because I preferred to suffer than to be with them. It's weird because I know it's almost a toxic relation, but in the same time I see myself with him again.
I am thinking about seeing a counselor, maybe it can see both of us.

[dontaskme]

I

You go to the counsellor alone. You don't need to take this douche with you. If you can allow yourself to suffer than be with other people, then you can suffer more being alone than suffering being with the asshole. At least, if you do this, there will be an end to your suffering versus being in an emotional roller coaster with him.

[michelle23]

You can be his puppet and let him dangle you on a string and play you like a fiddle if you want and be a complete doormat who gets walked on..

Honestly I have zero respect for women like you. Grow a backbone and wise up. Stop being so naive. Men like him can smell vulnerability and weakness and he is laughing at you.

You need to respect you or noone else will.

Read dr phils book "life code" and learn how to win in the real world. Ive never read it-never needed to coz I aint no fool for no man and never will be but its written for women like you.

You have an awful lot to learn and need to grow a pair..most men are assholes and you are their favourite type of prey..

If you want a decent man then you got to change an awful lot about you first. Be more assertive, independant, be fiery, take no shit and expect the best. Stop letting pricks like him control you

Id rather be alone forever then settle for this shit.

He is a cunt and the sooner you open your eyes, stop being in denial and are willing to face reality, the better.

Winners only deal with the truth. To be successful in life and love, you have to search for truth.

So stop fooling yourself and realize its over. You are worth more and you need to believe it and own it-otherwise you will continue to repeat the same mistakes time and time again..

I was cheated on once at 16. It was over, no going back-ever coz I love me and I deserve a man who values, respects and honours me. Nobody else will if you dont

[pseudosooz]

The first step in finding the man of your dreams, is being able to identify guys who are 'Not-Worth-It'. The most important thing is not to waste time with not-wort-its, because life is short and the world is big. So time is of the essence.
How do you know a guy is not worth it? simple, the suffering you reap is greater than the reward, if you feel like counseling is needed, obviously, you are suffering, and this guy isn't worth it.
Considering that there is a man out there whom you haven't met yet, who wants to love and support you in becoming the woman you want to become, whom you will love and respect, don't you think it's unfair to waste time with this guy?
It sounds mean, but you really should let that other woman have him, then wash you hands of it and he can be her problem.
This guy is not a prize.
There is no prize for losing.

Take care!

[lissa]

I had a toxic relationship like yours... It went on for about 3 years even though I secretly knew he was not the guy for me after about 6 months. Honestly, I'm lucky it didn't go longer. It's only a matter of time before you finally move on and end this cycle, and it's your choice how many years you waste on this dude. Deep down I think you know that he isn't good for you.

Like others have said, you have low self esteem, but having low self esteem doesn't mean you are a bad person. It just means you haven't yet learned to see how wonderful a person you really are. With some help, you can absolutely move on from this and gain the esteem back that you deserve. You sound like a very giving person, and that's wonderful. But you deserve to be giving to someone who can give back, and all that this man gives you is suffering. You're addicted to him so you need him, but this can be overcome 100% so you can move on.

All that being said, just promise yourself one thing - you will go see a therapist... alone. Just promise that you will go once alone. Take that baby step and it will help you work towards a new life.

[moneyspills]

You've also got to show your ex, through your actions, that you're not sitting around waiting for them to take you back. Your ex is going to check up on you, whether they were the one who dumped you or not. They'll talk to mutual friends to see how you're holding up and if they hear that you've secluded yourself and that you're depressed, they'll feel vindicated. They'll be relieved they broke up with you because they'll view you as weak and desperate. No one wants to be with someone like that. You have to continue to live your life. Go out and have fun. Show your ex that you're fine without them and it will most certainly cause them to second guess their decision to end things with you. Whenever a person wants something and they can't have it immediately, they view it as a challenge. Since everyone loves a good challenge, you need to give that to your ex. Make yourself unavailable and before long, your ex will be the one chasing after you looking for another chance.

Watch this video:



[url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kO9Ze8J-DMY]Should I Ignore My Ex[/url]

[url=https://www.facebook.com/notes/relationship-talk-forum/what-to-do-when-you-miss-your-ex-girlfriend-tips-to-win-back-her-love-now/282531388617513]What to Do When You Miss Your Ex Girlfriend[/url]

[bluesummer]

I was in your situation. Actually it's how I ended up on this forum initially.

There has to be a point when you realize that you are worth more than that. Love shouldn't hurt. Do you like crying over this guy? Do you enjoy feeling worthless and unloved?

I didn't know what a great relationship was until I saw my friends in proper, respectful, LOVING relationships. When I realized that there were men out there that said they loved you and not only said it but showed it every day, something snapped in me. I realized what I had was unhealthy and wrong.

Fast forward ten years......I'm married to exactly that kind of man. A man I love and respect, who does the same for me and has NEVER hurt me. They are out there, but you need to value yourself before you will attract them. You need to KNOW deep down inside that you are deserving of kindness. Running back to this guy over and over screams "I don't like or value myself" and rotten people pick up on that and that's what you'll attract.

[woody]

^yes. all of the above.
Gee, this guy has quite the grip on you doesn't he. So, why is that? He's proven himself time and time again to be a dysfunctional prick who lies, manipulates and cheats, makes excuses that you buy into and then when he has your trust back, he goes out and does it all over again.
You my dear are in danger of getting trapped in a cycle of serious woe's and mental abuse. And make no mistake, this is mental abuse. EAch time you take him back or even talk to him again, you are telling him that your own self worth is low. Your allowing this behaviour. Your telling him, "hey, it's ok to treat me this way"
Well it F__ing isn't ok is it. No, it is not.
Lady, with so so many good and faithful men out there looking, needing a good lady, why pray tell are you wasting any more of your precious time with this prick?
Everyone's advice?
'Ditch the Prick'
don't even let him talk to you. come on. Figure this one out for good this time.

Men who cheat can be the sweetest of sweet talkers. They have to be. They learn how to lie very well to get what they want.
Don't become another statistic. Self worth lady. Go get some more.

good luck