Not depressed but dont want anybody else

[nicko3371]

Hi, first of all im thankful for any answer, and i am aware that this is kind of an hopeless situation so no need to poke it in my face
lol

Anyways, i was dating this girl for almost 2 years, i really didnt wanna date but we where so good with eachother that i asked her out
and everything looked bright.

But last year things started to go bad, she lived far away and i figured out some stuff about her past that
really made me mad, i treated her really badly and called her names, i went to spend the summer with her and some days where great
and some we would fight all the time, its like we didnt trust each other anymore. So while in Florida for a couple weeks she broke up
with me and i left a couple weeks later. Even after everything when i flew away she told me she loved me and cried a lot, since then we havent
spoken, she blocked me on every social media and made sure that our friends and her family where she lived would talk to me as little as possible,
as i know her she thinks im a bad person now but i didnt realise what was wrong until after we broke up.

This was a year ago, and since i flew home i was decided to become a great guy that would treat girls right, i didnt want to go through this again
neither for me or my future partner, but now after all this time, i still think about her everyday, its awful, somedays i just wanna fly over there
and see her and sometimes im so mad at her for leaving me like this. Deep inside im trying to figure out a way for us to start over even tho i know
its almost impossible, so i wanna know if any of you have an advice for me? a way to approach a women that used to be deeply in love with you but
doesnt want anything to do with you anymore? Ive been thinking about this question for a yeat and its killing me

Thanks for your time/Nick

[purple_roses]

I'm sorry nick but I just feel like it would do you no good to try and contact Her now. She's made it clear that she is done with the relationship. She must have some strong reasons as to why. Life isn't the movies sadly. In movies the guy chases the girl that's mad at him.. They kiss in the rain.. She forgives him.. All that crap.
But that doesn't happen in real life. Showing up on her doorstep will make her feel pushed upon and make Her draw away even more.

Every time you think about someone or something, you are giving it power. U are training your brain to think about it. You need to quit thinking of her. It's the only way u will move on. When she enters your mind, don't entertain it, push it away. Take back your power.

Please there are so many women out there. I know u felt close abd loving with this particular one, but there are others that you will work out with better.

[dontaskme]

Text her to see if she replies to you or better yet, just in case she blocked your phone, write her a letter and see if she would reply back. If she doesn't, then you're doomed and might as well concentrate on moving on.

[nicko3371]

Text her to see if she replies to you or better yet, just in case she blocked your phone, write her a letter and see if she would reply back. If she doesn't, then you're doomed and might as well concentrate on moving on.

I wrote a letter in dec. and she replied that it was really sweet... since she lives in the US and i in europe it felt kind of to soon to fix things so i didnt reply,
sorry that i wrote we havent talked since, i ment we havent seen eachother, we talked once on the phone cause i was visiting and wanted to warn her.

- - - Updated - - -

I'm sorry nick but I just feel like it would do you no good to try and contact Her now. She's made it clear that she is done with the relationship. She must have some strong reasons as to why. Life isn't the movies sadly. In movies the guy chases the girl that's mad at him.. They kiss in the rain.. She forgives him.. All that crap.
But that doesn't happen in real life. Showing up on her doorstep will make her feel pushed upon and make Her draw away even more.

Every time you think about someone or something, you are giving it power. U are training your brain to think about it. You need to quit thinking of her. It's the only way u will move on. When she enters your mind, don't entertain it, push it away. Take back your power.

Please there are so many women out there. I know u felt close abd loving with this particular one, but there are others that you will work out with better.

I mean when we dated the last months i would start fights just cause i felt i didnt want a girlfriend, i was really in love with her so i didnt wanna leave and at the same time i felt she was in the way of me traveling and hanging out with my friends etc. so i know why she broke up with me, i dont blame her.

I mean i had her ring and was gonna propose so it all came at once and it was like a nightmare, i had to go home and plan my life all over again, the thing is i my cousin is getting married to her bestfriends brother the coming months so im gonna see her at the wedding. at the same time because of that we know a lot of people in common and i always see pictures of her etc to remind me and i cant block those people out of my life...

[rest77]

[MENTION=72505]nicko3371[/MENTION]

It's very obvious that you hurt her feelings really bad. I always say that when you are upset, mad or whatever the case might be be, be very, very careful with what you say to your partner.

You can't take back whatever comes out of your mouth once it's said, especially the words they entrusted you with. It can be private things about their past or future that they open up and told you out of love or the trust they have for you. But once you let the cat out of the bag during a fight, in some situations it might be too late. They might forgive you, but you might never be invited back into their life again. Because they felt betrayed by the one they thought they love.

From the way you wrote it seems you regret what you said to her, names calling and whatever else you said. And am sure you still love her. But now only she alone can make that decision on if she still see a future together with you or not.

But you can give it your best shot and be sincere about how sorry you are and how you still love her and want her back in your life. I hope she gives you another chance. But if not, in your next relationship you will know how to have self control when having a fight with your partner, especially with your WORDS.

[nicko3371]

Thank you for your help, knowing her she is done with me she doesnt want me in her life and like you said since
i treated her badly i think she felt betrayed and that i am not right for her, that is why i feel it is hopeless.

But it doesnt hurt to try,it cant get worse than it already is, and i think it has really helped me to be a better partner
in the future in many ways, i wont burst to her home ill wait for the wedding and if she feels this could work again
she will let me know i mean we dont know when we will see eachother again after that.

[Wakeup]

What stuff about her past made you mad and, what has changed your mind so that you can accept that past now?

There is no point in you attempting to bring forth a long dead relationship if you haven't changed the way you think and act. You say you've changed but have you really? Can you forgive her past? Have you finished traveling and putting more value on your friends then your romantic partners?

Personally I think you'd do much better to actually make the effort to forget her instead of trying to get her to remember you. But hey, I'm not you.

[michelle23]

She lives thousands of miles away. Even if she did want you back, realistically what are the chances of this working??

Look up co-dependency and get help for it. Healthy people don't stay with someone who they cannot accept (her past) and then use that against them to hurt them-they leave instead if they cannot accept something about a partner..healthy people don't move halfway across the world and give up family, friends, career, study, their whole life for a dysfunctional mess that doesn't work and then healthy people don't live in denial about a dead relationship-they accept its over, grieve the loss, heal and move on.

[rest77]

Wakeup and Michelle is right on the money!

What stuff about her past made you mad and, what has changed your mind so that you can accept that past now?

There is no point in you attempting to bring forth a long dead relationship if you haven't changed the way you think and act. You say you've changed but have you really? Can you forgive her past? Have you finished traveling and putting more value on your friends then your romantic partners?

- - - Updated - - -

And this is so true!

Healthy people don't stay with someone who they cannot accept (her past) and then use that against them to hurt them-they leave instead if they cannot accept something about a partner....

(There are still some ex secrets i kept to myself up till this day. I have never and will never use anybody past or present issues, being it private issue, sickness or whatever it might be against them. Even after a fight and we are no longer friends or partners, i still kept those words they entrusted me with to myself.)

[nicko3371]

The things about her past didnt make me mad, its that she hid it from me, and with the combination of me not being ready,
i really overreacted, but today i understand how she felt, she was afraid to lose me.

And its sad that so many women underestimates a man in loves power to change(no offense), i never cried etc after the breakup, i flew home,thought about everything ive done wrong and made sure to work on it until i felt i was ready, it took a long time and thats why i feel i am ready to approach her again, and i also realised she was my best friend, i enjoyed spending time with her and it was a mistake to push her away.

And its sad that most peoples mindset after a breakup is forget and move on, of course its an option but if it was a serious relationship like this, this is a great chance to learn a lesson and improve the relationship, like some people say, if the kitchen
gets flooded you dont replace the whole house.

And i know a lot of people who have made it work long distance.

[rest77]

[MENTION=72505]nicko3371[/MENTION]

It seems you have seen where you went wrong and you willing to fix it, which i really admire. I wish you luck and hope she gives you a second chance.

[nicko3371]

Hey rest77

I talked to her cousin about going there and she said it is a bad idea because she has finally moved on and it would just
take back old wounds, i wasnt planning on going but is it positive or not that she moved on?

To be honest i thought she had moved on since a long time thats why it feels almost better cause at least i know her feelings where
true.

[rest77]

Well, am sure you know it's a positive thing to move on when the damage is done and you see no future in that relationship. But the choice is yours on if you still want to contact her or not.

[moneyspills]

We all have this inner nature to protect the people we care about. You likely felt it spring to life when you and your ex were together and arguing. At some point your ex may have started to take all the blame for things during a heated argument. Their doing that probably garnered a specific response from you. You wanted to defend them. Even if that meant you were only defending them from themselves. That's the same response you want from your ex after a break up. When he or she tells you they need time and space, agree with them. Then make a statement about how you know you did some things wrong and how much you regret them. That one small move can completely change the dynamic between you and your ex. He or she will want to come to your defense and will feel a need to protect you. That feeling will be the foundation for the two of you to get back together. Try it.

Watch this video:



[url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3223ql_keac]Can You Be Friends with Your Ex Girlfriend[/url]

[url=https://www.facebook.com/notes/relationship-talk-forum/how-to-get-your-ex-jealous-make-them-feel-the-need-to-be-with-you-again/282993575237961]How to Get Your Ex Jealous[/url]