I am so torn on what I feel.

[ConnectionIs]

I met this wonderful woman recently. We hit it off like I have never experienced. When I say hit it off, I mean in all the areas that most matter to me: Communication, Touch and affection, finding it easy to hang out, amazing conversations, and so much more. This woman is the best I have ever experienced, I couldn't ask for a more amazing woman in these areas. Physical touch and affection is absolutely perfect. I love touching this girl and kissing her, its like we are so deeply connected in this areas that it should be in a book. We can hang out and have fun doing anything. Time just flies by with her. I know she feels the same in all this. I find myself thinking of her all day and just want to hug her and feel her next to me. Have you ever just held somebody and felt so emotionally connected that you could feel their heart connecting with yours? Able feel tears of happiness wanting to come out? This is what it is like with her. I have only known her a short time, but these things happened so quick. I took her dancing on the pier and I danced her out of the crowed and jumped on the seats around the pier and we were laughing and having so much fun. This stuff always happens with us. When I am with her I feel so good and complete. SO whats the problem?

Well she just cut off all her hair and it was for a good cause, but now when I see her, I feel like I am talking to a new person. I loved her hair before and when she first did it, I was able to see past it, but now I just do not know. I am so scared that since I have these thoughts, I will not be able to give her my all. Thats what I want to do. She is so special to me. But what does this mean on my part?

More info: We are not necessarily a couple and we are long distance and both open to the idea of moving forward. If I knew she was the one or I chose her, I could move to her state, no problem, nothing is holding me back for those reasons. We talk on the phone daily and it is about positive moving forward type things, which is something else I love about her. We talk about silly things too. I always make her laugh, and she makes me laugh which is rare!

What does this mean for me? Does this mean I am shallow? I really feel like I may be about to throw away one of the greatest relationships possible. I am sick to my stomach right now. I do not want to lead her on at all! I would never do that. Last night she was a bit disturbed and I asked her whats wrong. She said oh im just tired and I am just thinking things I shouldn't. I told her its ok, I want you to be able to feel ok with telling me things. I said Its ok tell me. "I feel like I may like you more than you like me". I can see where she is coming from because I have recently been sorta withdrawn from saying certain things. I was not able to be real with her... truth is I really like her... I REALLY like her... but I am afraid that I may hurt her someday... So I was unable to really let her know how I felt, because I was scared that I may not be able to follow through. What the hell is wrong with me? I feel some much pressure in my chest right now...

I have not led her on. But I am also afraid to tell her what I think about her hair... I mean is this something to bring up? Otherwise, it leads to the "its not you, its me" speech that everyone hates! I do not want her to doubt herself, this was such a big things for her cutting her hair and all. And I am actually proud of her.

I know I love her. In fact, sometimes when we are talking she will say amazing things and I will hold the phone away from my face, feeling in my chest and say to myself almost audible... "oh my god... I really love ____". but I dont tell her this because of my fears above. I just do not know if I am a good enough man for her.


please feel free to share your thoughts... even if they are scolding me.

[Wakeup]

You feel you've lost a connection to her because she cut her hair?

DUDE... her hair will grow back. What are you really afraid of?

[michelle23]

Lol thats what I was going to say. Her hair will grow back.. I mean seriously??

What if you were together a long time and she lost her hair due to stress or something?

grow up. If you want an adult relationship then sometimes you look past the superficial BS and see the real person. Shes still the same-you can still connect in all those ways you mentioned above

[toknow]

Don't sabotage your relationship.

When things in a relationship go so well that people think it's just too great they tend to mess things up because they are afraid things will get messed up. And it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

[purple_roses]

You don't live in the same state, you haven't known Her very long, and your upset she cut her hair....
I don't even know what to say, other then, I don't see this ending well.

[ConnectionIs]

No purple rose... I am not "upset" she cut her hair. I helped her do it. I was there with her and I actually cut some off. Its just that when I left the state I started rethinking things.... and I was afraid that I might not find her attractive... look at my subtle words that come from a base of love vs judgement. I think then you can understand what TOKNOW said. I think he is spot on... I have commitment issues and I am now finding things wrong. It is because I am in a sense afraid and I need to deal with that. WaKEUP also asked "what am I really afraid of" that got me thinking.

Thank you for all your replies.

[hoxtonchris]

i know from this letter you are very young,why?this may sound hard to believe butas we groew up we recognise folk we trust and love by their appearance,when they change how they look we have to build with them all over again,to us they actualy become a different person,its a servival pack thing.i went thru it too so did my son,when i shaved my mustouche he was very withdrawn till i grew it back.focus on why she cut it off and you will love her again,,,you are on the freshold of throwing away a massive good love GET BACK ON TRACK PRONTO!

[TablesandChairs]

You use the word 'love' but perhaps your version of love is quite fickle; the type you can rely on about as much as you can rely on an infant not to cry. Love doesn't fade away because someone gets a haircut - you may not love it, but it shouldn't affect your commitment. How will you withstand the serious issues that relationships inevitably go through? Break up the moment things don't go to your liking? That's an option, for sure - but people like that generally end up alone.

I'd dump you if I was her because hair grows back, often better than it was before...whereas superficiality and fickleness are far harder to change. Be honest and give her the option of knowing what she's investing in - she may well realise she doesn't want to put her heart in your hands.

You can't help how you feel - it is what it is. If she's good enough, that's okay - by your description of her, she's got a lot going for her so she'll find someone else.

[ConnectionIs]

I think what you are saying is love is more than a feeling. It is an action, a series of steps you take to be there for a person you care about.

[rest77]

Might just be you aren't truly in-love with her. Infatuation or lust? Had no ideal what you think True Love really is.

Someday if it isn't her cutting her hair short it's going to be something else that would make you feel less interested or less attracted to her.

These are your own words "I was not able to be real with her... truth is I really like her... I REALLY like her... but I am afraid that I may hurt her someday... "


I had no ideal how old you are. But if You truly love someone, you stick with them through it all and still love them just the same way, whether they cut their hair short either due to some personal reasons or due to reasons like Cancer and whatever the case might be.

By the way, have you ever take a moment to think about your self, like what if you have to loose your hair due to age, Cancer or even lose a leg, hand, eye or be handicapped in any way due to accident or natural disaster. Tell me, how would you personally prefer or like your partner to treat you?

[ConnectionIs]

Well, I have thought of that and this is where I realized I had a problem. If I continue to look at only outer beauty then what happens when my wife grows old? Will I lust for another. I look at other people with successful mirages that last even through growing old. I want that ability to not be superficial. I think there is something inside of me that needs to change. I think all these music videos and tv and pornography really affect the minds ability to make a proper decision.

Even if I was with the most beautiful girl with the best hair, if I did not have myself together I still would want more, want another, my eyes would wander. Your questions are right on track with what I need to figure out.

This is the main reason I wrote in this forum... I want to figure this stuff out internally...