How do I let her down easy?

[TeeJay19]

So I've been seeing this girl for a couple weeks now. We started talking online and then met up shortly after. It was exciting at first. I haven't done a whole lot of dating so I was really excited to meet someone who was really into me. Things turned sexual pretty quickly and we've hooked up four times now.

The problem is that after the last couple of times we were together I found that initial excitement wasn't there for me any more. On the other hand she is super into me. She also hasn't done a whole lot of dating either so I think this is a pretty big deal for her. I made it clear to her in the beginning that things should just stay casual for now until we get to know each other better. She agreed, but I can tell she's looking for things to get more serious. She's always telling me how amazing I am, how I'm the best guy she's ever been with and how happy I make her. She's already calling me pet names (babe, sweetie) and referring to me as "her man." She's also constantly texting me every day.

I just don't find myself all that attracted to her any more. We were having sex this morning and I just wasn't feeling anything. I ended up losing my erection and couldn't finish. I know this sounds horrible, but I think initially I was more attracted to the fact that I had a chance to get with her than I was actually attracted to her. I don't have a lot of experience with girls so it was exciting initially when I met someone who was really into me. But now that I've been with her a few times those feelings just aren't there anymore.

Anyways, I know I need to end this soon before things get too serious but I've never had to break up with anyone before. I'm just worried because she seems to have some self confidence issues. She's always saying how good it makes her feel knowing that I'm attracted to her, so I'm worried that when I break up with her it's going to absolutely crush her.

I'm not going to see her again until Monday. I have to leave town for work tomorrow and then will be staying with my parents over the weekend for Thanksgiving (I'm Canadian). She's also leaving town to visit her parents for the weekend. I'm driving back home on Monday and supposed to pick her up on my way. I offered to do so so she wouldn't have to take the bus (It would be a really long bus ride and it's not too far out of my way). We're supposed to hang out Monday night when we get back but maybe I should just end it when I drop her off at home. I'm also wondering if I should do it over the weekend, but then I'd have to do it via text or over the phone which doesn't seem right.

Any suggestions? I feel really bad because I know she's going to be really hurt, but I just can't let this continue.

[dontaskme]

Why aren't you attracted to her anymore? Is she fugly?

[TeeJay19]

She's a little overweight, but I wouldn't say she's ugly. I'm just not feeling it anymore for whatever reason.

[purple_roses]

Hahaha men.. So silly. Yeah with a clinger like her you should of kept it in your pants because saying "take it slow and casual" goes out the door when u bone most girls, especially a girl so clingy. I'd call her as soon as possible. Don't wait if u are sure on your decision. Do it now. How long has this been going on? A couple weeks? I don't think you have to do it in person. Just call her. You guys were never official.

[dontaskme]

She's a little overweight, but I wouldn't say she's ugly. I'm just not feeling it anymore for whatever reason.

Hey, you stuck you schlong inside of her not once but four times, the least you can do is to break up with her in person. And don't give her the it's not you, it's me excuse. Be honest and say she's a little on the heavy side, lol... No, I meant, just say the attraction had faded and you don't think the relationship should go on and you don't want to lead her on any longer. She will be hurt but towards the end, she will be grateful that you didn't string her along any further.

[woody]

Well whatever you do, don't postpone it. It's going to be like ripping off a bandaid. Do it quickly. YOu do her no favours by letting her down easy so to speak. Be honest, keep it real, offer firm closure with no room for misinterpretation.
Any body who used pet names so quickly is a red flag in my opinion. (sure, there's always exceptions)

and your right, often, men and some woman enjoy the chase more than the feast. Next time, wait longer.
When it's the right lady for you, you'll know.

If you don't want to be with this lady, you must break up with her. Simple as that. If you wait, she's going to go home and brag about her new man to her Family only to be dumped right after the weekend. It's almost better to do it now so she can save herself that mild humiliation and get some loving from her Family. Better now than later.
Be kind, be clear and be sincere

[TeeJay19]

Thanks for the advice guys. Yeah, I probably should have waited to have sex with her until I was sure I was interested. Woody may be right, I might have enjoyed the chase more than the feast. You're also probably right that I should do this before the weekend, even if that means not doing it in person. Best not to postpone it.

[dontaskme]

^^^ if you really want to crush her already broken into pieces self esteem, that's the best way to do it, dump her by phone or text, yeah, good one!

Another lame excuse, to NOT postpone it because you don't have the cajones to do it in person!

[woody]

yeah but dontaskme, he won't have a chance to do it in person. They are both travelling away from each other due to this Thanksgiving weekend thing right? So, wouldn't it be better if she knows before she gets to her Fam's house and starts telling them about this great guy she met, only to get dumped the minute she gets back home.
True, doing it over the phone is a drag and he's already said he'd feel like shmuck doing it this way but what's the other option? Waiting? She'll feel more foolish if he waits. Telling the Fam about him and then getting dumped would be harder on her i.m.o.
It's a tough one true enough.
If he tells her on the phone, she'll have more reason to forget about him and she'll have her Fam around to help her re assure this. Sure, he'll put himself into that jackass mode doing it over the phone but it's easier getting over a J.ass.
I'm not saying your an ass o.p Just tell her you'd rather risk sounding like an ass by breaking up with her on the phone over waiting until after the weekend, Families knowing about you, saving her some humility, protect her honour.

[TeeJay19]

^^^ if you really want to crush her already broken into pieces self esteem, that's the best way to do it, dump her by phone or text, yeah, good one!

Another lame excuse, to NOT postpone it because you don't have the cajones to do it in person!

I get what you're saying, although I think your comments are a little harsh. However, as woody has stated, I'm not going to have to opportunity to see her until Monday. I think woody's point about telling her before the weekend is a good one, and although it's not ideal it's probably the best option.

Thanks for all your help everyone. I realize I've kind of screwed up here, I'm just going to try my best to do the right thing at this point.

[dontaskme]

yeah but dontaskme, he won't have a chance to do it in person. They are both travelling away from each other due to this Thanksgiving weekend thing right? So, wouldn't it be better if she knows before she gets to her Fam's house and starts telling them about this great guy she met, only to get dumped the minute she gets back home.
True, doing it over the phone is a drag and he's already said he'd feel like shmuck doing it this way but what's the other option? Waiting? She'll feel more foolish if he waits. Telling the Fam about him and then getting dumped would be harder on her i.m.o.
It's a tough one true enough.
If he tells her on the phone, she'll have more reason to forget about him and she'll have her Fam around to help her re assure this. Sure, he'll put himself into that jackass mode doing it over the phone but it's easier getting over a J.ass.
I'm not saying your an ass o.p Just tell her you'd rather risk sounding like an ass by breaking up with her on the phone over waiting until after the weekend, Families knowing about you, saving her some humility, protect her honour.

They will see each other on Monday, not on Thanksgiving. He already strung her along all this time after he had sex with her four times, a couple of days to wait wouldn't hurt her. If she gets dump by phone or text, this will leave her a permanent scar and would definitely put her self esteem and self worth in the dumpster.

You guys are always talking about the importance of having self esteem and self worth, do you think it's justified to dump her in a vey undignified way? Bad enough that she was used sexually, the least the OP can do is to wait a few more days and do right by her.

- - - Updated - - -

I forgot your thanksgiving is different than our thanksgiving here in the U.S., but that should not make any difference. It's just a couple of days.

[Saya]

I think that no matter how you say it, she is going to get hurt... but please tell her sooner than later.
The more you put off telling her, she is going to get more hurt in the end.

[dontaskme]

Yeah,getting dump by text during thanksgiving giving weekend is the best thing to do, go for it man! Ruin her thanksgiving weekend, let her sob until there are no more tears left while everybody's enjoying turkey day.

You came here so you can get some reassurance that dumping your girlfriend via text or phone is okay because you don't have the balls to do it in person, you got your reassurance. Now you can get rid of your guilt and wash off your hands!

[TablesandChairs]

Wait and do it in person - it's the only decent outcome to what, on your part, has been an indecent way to conduct yourself in a relationship. I say this because it's very obvious when a girl is just up for sex and when a girl is essentially the type to want a boyfriend. You saying 'let's take it slow and casual' means nothing when you're screwing her and sitting back as she becomes more and more attached. You must have known she was a bit insecure so you thought 'great opportunity to have some free sex'. But I urge you to consider feelings, not just your penis, next time you pursue a woman in that way.

I'm not saying you've done anything so horrific - you don't owe her a 'forever and ever' but you owe her a considerate and respectful break-up. And when you do break it off - likely she's going to think she was just used for sex - she's going to think she wasn't good enough for a relationship. She's going to start thinking it's her - she's too fat, too ugly...so try to soften the blow, even if you have to lie.

[Marianna13]

a painful truth that it is better to continue with a lie