why wont my husband end his affair or just leave me?

[autumn day]

I've been married 17yrs m w him since I was 16 .I found out on fathers day 2012 he looked up x b4 on fb n was calling n texting her,threw phone records confronted him n told him he either had to end wjatever was hoing on or leave.he left then only w a few cloths.she left her husband that nite to.anyway he was gone 6 months n wjole time he was w her was still comeing n sleeping w me n playing mind games he didn't know what he wanted n needed time fig himself out. He moved bk 6months later only to keep this going on w her stil he won't leave n just b w her n he won't emd it n iv talked to I'm nlue in the face to him n he says he knows somethings gotta change one way or the other but don't do anything but keep her waiting n me living this bs I just want a normal life n to move past this or move on we have 3teenage boy's .I need advice I'm so confused n don't know why he continues tjis n just won't move nk w her or end it w me

[Wakeup]

He doesn't move on and end it with you because you let him use you for whatever it is he's getting from you; sex, financial aid, a proper roof over his head? If your boys are under 18 then there is child support to pay... perhaps that's why he stays with you ... just to avoid paying it? Whatever. He uses her for sex of a different "rush" then he gets from you.

WHY DON'T YOU leave him and stop letting him use you and abuse you? What is stopping you from just making a decision about your own life instead of leaving your life in his hands to misuse as he pleases?

[autumn day]

He doesn't move on and end it with you because you let him use you for whatever it is he's getting from you; sex, financial aid, a proper roof over his head? If your boys are under 18 then there is child support to pay... perhaps that's why he stays with you ... just to avoid paying it? Whatever. He uses her for sex of a different "rush" then he gets from you.

WHY DON'T YOU leave him and stop letting him use you and abuse you? What is stopping you from just making a decision about your own life instead of leaving your life in his hands to misuse as he pleases?

Idk,I guess I'm stupid n I don't thinl me n the kids should b the ones leaving our home he can go live w her n not put the kids n I in such a mess when its him that's doing all this. Our house has sentimental feelings to me its been in my family over 50yrs but both r names r on morgage,n I guess I just wanted to believe I'm him m idk who I am anymore I'm not 16 anymore n idk who I even am or y he eber came home to begin w or y she dose this either

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Y wld she do this

[Wakeup]

You meant to say "Y wld HE do this" right? He's the one that's cheating on you... she's just enabling him to do it.

Call a lawyer and find out how you can keep the house while chucking the chuckler you're married to.

[Rebeccaa]

Can you get some free legal advice so that you at least know where you stand? To coin a phrase - knowledge is power - and it is true. You need to be proactive and just find out your rights, where you stand etc. Even if you decide to take no action, you owe it to yourself and to your children to at least be armed with the correct information should you need it.

[michelle23]

You are allowing him to treat you this way. Self respect starts with you. Take control of the situation and stop letting him hurt you. You are being a doormat

[autumn day]

Thank u for advice

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I was really hopeing someone out there might have gone threw something simular n wld have some insite

[reeba]

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I was really hopeing someone out there might have gone threw something simular n wld have some insite

I'm going to say what EVERYONE else has said, but you refuse to listen. He keeps coming back because YOU let him. If you want him out, get a lawyer and file for divorce.

[bluesummer]

I went through something similar years ago, although we had no kids.

The short answer is nothing will get better or clearer until you leave him. For good. Stop hanging all this on what he decides, make a choice for YOURSELF. Also don't think you're kids don't see what's going on. This is a crappy atmosphere for them to be around, and also what you're showing your three teenage boys is that when they grow up they can treat a woman like crap and she'll still stick around. Be a better example than that.

[woody]

Indeed.
Your being his security blanket. Could be he has no balls and He doesn't want to pay child support by making it official. btw, your allowing this to happen. Why?
I love this expression and it seems real fitting to share it with you now. 'Ditch the Prick'

Talk about a roller coaster. Dear Lady, Why would you even take him back in the first place after he's done something like this? For the sake of the kids? nah, that doesn't fly. By allowing this treatment, your telling your sons it's ok to treat your wife like this and well, it is not ok.
Your children are teenagers and believe me, their watching to see what you do and how you do it. If Mom stands up for herself, they will seek out women in their future who do the same and that's a good thing. What we often see is what we often do. (meaning, if Dad behaves badly but Mom accepts it then it must be ok to behave badly) nope.

and if your staying because, well, there was a time of great love, though admirable to hold on, there has got to come a time when enough is enough and dear lady, that time began the moment he left the Family Home. I'm so sorry to say. This can't be easy on you or your boys; but it is up to you now to do the right thing for all of you. And if you can't find the strength to do it for you, do it for your kids.
Hard enough on them with Dad cheating on Mom but even harder with the thought of Mom putting up with it. They'll be so proud of you when you stand up for yourself and show DAddy the door for good. Pissed off at the situation but proud. High Standards.
They are impressionable and in need of guidance as far as how a good man treats his woman. Raise their bar a little higher because unfortunately, Dad doesn't have it in him so it's up to you and you can do this
everything will be alright