What to do when you don't like their picture...

[User1862]

I wasn't having any luck finding anyone I liked through conventional means, so I decided to try online dating. I set up a profile and started talking to this person who seems nice and wonderful, but at first, they didn't have a picture up on their profile yet. Now they've put one up and...I'm just not attracted to him at all. Mostly because he is obese. I know, I know, it seems horribly shallow, but I cannot imagine being in a relationship with someone to whom I'm not attracted, or someone that overweight. So what can I say to end it *without* being rude or letting him know I'm not attracted to him? My ideas on the matter:

- Tell him I've met someone else

- Tell him I'm chickening out and don't want to meet a dude from the internet

And that's all I can think of...if you can come up with a better excuse not to meet, thank you! I just don't want to hurt the guy's feelings is all.

[reeba]

He is going to see that your profile is active. Even if you take a break, chances are he will see it. So did he lie in his profile regarding his weight? Was his pic a shock to you?

Email him a couple of more times, and then tell him you aren't interested. That way he won't know it is directly associated with his picture. I'm sure he will suspect. But since you kept in contact a couple more times, it isn't blatant.

I had a friend who was overweight, and he only wanted to date skinny women. He was very upset when none of them wanted to date him. I told him it was equivalent to a smoker insisting on dating only nonsmokers. He was a hypocrite.

[lovebroken]

Just fade out, and maybe he'll get the hint, if not and he asks what is up, be honest and do it in a way that keeps you honest but not hurtful. Maybe he put that picture up as some sort of test, do you know it is his real picture?

[purple_roses]

Just be honest and say you want to just be friends. If he asks why, just say, you see him as more of a friend. And leave it at that. If he keeps pestering you about it or wanting to know why, then stop talking to him and block him because thats rude of him. He should take the hint and back off. Yes he'll be hurt but most can tell when someone is lying and being honest is just better.

[TheEvilJester]

To be honest, I don't think you are necessarily being shallow at all. You can't help who you do and do not find attractive, and it is important to find your partner attractive. I would also personally recommend keeping your online dating activities to those who do post pictures. I know that SOUNDS shallow, but this is exactly the sort of reason why. It sucks that we are this way as human beings, but physical attraction IS important. None of us are fully innocent of that.

So, it is a lot better to know ahead of time whether or not there is some physical attraction. Otherwise, you waste your time and theirs getting to know somebody who, in the end, you are just not interested in dating.

I will also say this....

DO NOT just "fade away." In my personal opinion, that is immature and cowardly. It is also wrong. Personally, I'd much rather somebody just risk hurting my feelings right off the bat and be honest with me, rather than to string me along. ESPECIALLY since you two have already been talking for a while. Me personally, I would assume that to mean you were interested in talking. So, for a little while, I'd try to give you the benefit of the doubt and I'd keep trying. So, that would only make me infinitely more p*$$ed off when I finally realized that you were just ignoring me. In my personal opinion, people like that are a sorry excuse for human beings.

So, just be somewhat honest with him. I would be 100% honest, as that would be unnecessarily hurtful. I would just go with saying that you like him, but really just see you two as friends. Heck, maybe he'd be okay with that and you'd gain a good friend out of the deal. But, you should not lead him on.

Good luck in your future online dating. Personally, I've tried it and been very much unimpressed.