I'm in love with my best friend who is leading me on.

[kotikk]

I've been best friends with this guy for a long time now. He's someone who I trust completely and can talk to for hours without feeling awkward or bored, he's someone who I trust completely and value over anyone else.
I've been in love with him for about 6 months - we talk every single day for hours and we do things on weekends. The things he did lead me to believe that my feelings are maybe reciprocated (he would hold my hand, tell me he loves me, ask me to live with him when we leave school) and just general things that aren't typical in a platonic friendship. Other examples of his behaviour is he says (jokingly?) that he masturbates to my pictures, he found a picture of a model who looks just like me(and she does) and set it to his desktop wallpaper, he constantly blows me kisses, whenever we're together he just has to be touching me - whether it's holding my hand or just leaning against me.

In fact, our mutual friend was convinced that he loved me. He gets noticeably possessive when he thinks another guy likes me and clearly jealous.
However, he told me recently that he is still in love with his ex girlfriend from almost a year ago. My heart is absolutely shattered. I've never loved or had such a strong bond with anyone in my entire life - I'm a rational and unromantic person for the most part but I truly thought he was my soul mate. And all the behaviour he displayed towards me was explained by the fact that I also found out that he got off with random girls at a party.

I know the best way to get over someone is to distance yourself from them, but he's my best friend. I can't just cut him off. But it's too painful to talk to him everyday knowing my feelings are always going to remain unrequited, and it's made even worse by how he constantly flirts with me, when he himself feels nothing romantic towards me. I'm just so conflicted. I've never been so sad or confused in my entire life. I can't deal with being around a guy who constantly gives me hope that he may one day love me, but I can't bear the thought of losing my best friend. I'm angry at him for giving me hope, but I love him. I don't know why he's been acting this way towards me if he doesn't love me. Any advice would be appreciated.

[toinfinity]

Unrequited love is hard and painful. Your mind would linger on the "what ifs" if ever your love story were to happen. Based on my experience, I would rather confess and have my heart broken by rejection rather than to constantly hide in the shadows.
One of you needs to make a move and talk about what is there between the two of you. Do not accept an answer that you are best friends. It's either you aren't best friends or you both have mutual feelings..

[Carebrother]

A love triangle. He also is probably suffering unrequited love for his ex-girlfriend. She might be willing to meet both of you and discuss a way forward. It might involve her becoming his sisterly best friend - and your best friend too.

Ideally lovers and partners would not give up on one another until they are sure that their lovers/partners are into new relationships, and they would help them in that process. That should be part of the sexual deal, the ethic. We are responsible for the happiness of the opposite sex. We can carry on as partners in less than perfect relationships, as our partner is an examplar of that opposite sex that we love, the one whom we happens to be with.
Somewhere in literature there is a quote. "She is a woman, therefore to be loved." and there's a song that goes "Love the one that you're with"

[TheEvilJester]

I know it can be hard to give up on somebody, especially when you two are already so close. Sadly, it seems like that would be in your best interest in this situation. I guess it might benefit you to talk to him about your feelings first. Let him know how you feel and hopefully he feels the same. Better, I suppose, than just living in doubt. At least then you will know.

However, if he is not interested in you as more than friends, then his actions toward you are HIGHLY inappropriate and entirely unfair. His actions and words you describe DO NOT say "just friends." In fact, they very heavily imply more. So, if he is hung up on some other girl, then it sounds to me like he is playing you. You deserve a man, not a boy. It is NOT okay for him, or anybody for that matter, to play with your heart.

Might I also add.... what kind of disgusting scuzzball would actually tell a girl he does THAT to her pictures? I mean, am I just being a prude or something? Don't get me wrong, I'm sure A LOT of people do that, but I sure as heck assume they don't feel the need to share it with anybody. Especially not the object of their self gratification. That's the sort of thing that should be private to yourself and nobody else. Is that not evidence enough that you need a man in your life and not an overgrown child?

I don't know, maybe I'm being overly harsh/cynical. I'm not called "The Evil Jester" for nothing. I've been through enough in life that I find it hard to trust anybody, because humans so rarely prove worthy of trust. Still, I really don't think I am being too cynical here. I think you deserve somebody who will treat you like a queen. Somebody who will treat you like a priority, not an option. It is not okay for him to toy with your emotions like this. So, if he CAN be the guy to treat you like his prize, then great. If not, then you need to move on.

As difficult as it may seem, if he can't see you as anything more than friends, you will only be doing yourself great undue harm by remaining friends with him. It sounds obvious that you cannot see being just his friend. So, if you try you will likely just keep yourself from other possible relationships that could turn out to be the real thing. You deserve the chance to find that special someone, whether it is him or not. Good luck!

[purple_roses]

He doesn't care about you very much if he's playing with your heart like this. He knows what he's doing. He likes the control and he likes to be wanted. That's all this is.

[kotikk]

I know it can be hard to give up on somebody, especially when you two are already so close. Sadly, it seems like that would be in your best interest in this situation. I guess it might benefit you to talk to him about your feelings first. Let him know how you feel and hopefully he feels the same. Better, I suppose, than just living in doubt. At least then you will know.

However, if he is not interested in you as more than friends, then his actions toward you are HIGHLY inappropriate and entirely unfair. His actions and words you describe DO NOT say "just friends." In fact, they very heavily imply more. So, if he is hung up on some other girl, then it sounds to me like he is playing you. You deserve a man, not a boy. It is NOT okay for him, or anybody for that matter, to play with your heart.

Might I also add.... what kind of disgusting scuzzball would actually tell a girl he does THAT to her pictures? I mean, am I just being a prude or something? Don't get me wrong, I'm sure A LOT of people do that, but I sure as heck assume they don't feel the need to share it with anybody. Especially not the object of their self gratification. That's the sort of thing that should be private to yourself and nobody else. Is that not evidence enough that you need a man in your life and not an overgrown child?

I don't know, maybe I'm being overly harsh/cynical. I'm not called "The Evil Jester" for nothing. I've been through enough in life that I find it hard to trust anybody, because humans so rarely prove worthy of trust. Still, I really don't think I am being too cynical here. I think you deserve somebody who will treat you like a queen. Somebody who will treat you like a priority, not an option. It is not okay for him to toy with your emotions like this. So, if he CAN be the guy to treat you like his prize, then great. If not, then you need to move on.

As difficult as it may seem, if he can't see you as anything more than friends, you will only be doing yourself great undue harm by remaining friends with him. It sounds obvious that you cannot see being just his friend. So, if you try you will likely just keep yourself from other possible relationships that could turn out to be the real thing. You deserve the chance to find that special someone, whether it is him or not. Good luck!

Thank you for your long reply, I really appreciate it that you took the time to write it. Regarding him playing with my feelings, I think to some extent he does value the relationship we share but I do not think he values me myself as a person. I think he enjoys the fact that I forgive him easily and never stay mad at him and care for him unconditionally and uses that to his advantage. I'm a fairly cold person(and he knows that) so the fact that I don't reject his 'advances' would imply to him that my feelings for him go beyond friendship, I think he's aware of this. As a result for his unrequited love for his girlfriend he goes around trying to talk and get with as many girls as he can, thinking of them as objections to 'obtain' as he cannot have his ex. In some regard, he does think of me as different to these, and I believe he does view me as a friend and that I am precious to him but only in the sense to feed his insecurity, which would justify the jealousy and possessiveness he has over me - he views me as a constant comfort in his life that he doesn't want taken away from him.
I can objectively see all these bad points about him and why the relationship we share is so unhealthy and how negatively it impacts me. Thank you for your kind words, I'm trying to move on, but I have such a weak spot for him. I know he won't ever view me as more than friends, and objectively the best thing to do is to distance myself from him, but he's someone I've known for years and over those years I've formed one of the closest bonds I ever had. I know it's inevitable I will have to do it though, for my own well being. Thank you for your kind words

He doesn't care about you very much if he's playing with your heart like this. He knows what he's doing. He likes the control and he likes to be wanted. That's all this is.

I think that's the reality of the situation. He knows I love and care for him almost unconditionally, and he manipulates me to feed his ego. I know this, but I'm stupidly in love with the idiot, so it's difficult. Thank you for helping put things into perspective.

[Wakeup]

I'm a fairly cold person(and he knows that) so the fact that I don't reject his 'advances' would imply to him that my feelings for him go beyond friendship,

Don't be so sure. If you've never had a conversation with him about how you feel then you're being very foolish to think that you allowing his advances implies you are in love with him.

I want to know why you allow him to cross the boundaries of a PLATONIC friendship? I don't think you'd allow a female friend to hold your hand, cuddle with you, get possessive of other girls being your friend and any other boundary you're allowing this boy to cross that you've not mentioned.

If he doesn't want you for his romantic girlfriend then for goodness sakes, put a stop to his bullsh*t and tell him that you're not his romantic partner so quit crossing those boundaries with me. Tell him that AFTER you've actually told him that you're in love with him. I don't see ANY WHERE in any of your posts that you've had that conversation straight out with him. Verify where he stands by having an open conversation with him and if he does not feel the same way about you as you feel about him then you, for your own emotional health, need to tell him to quit it out.

You're stagnating yourself from finding a guy that can be both your best friend, your confidante, your lover, your partner, your reciprocated ONE when you cling to this dweeb who you allow advances that should be kept for lovers.

[TheEvilJester]

It is entirely possible that you are right that he does truly value you. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying he doesn't at all. It just doesn't change the fact that his actions are inappropriate. Hell, it could even be possible his intentions are 100% innocent. I mean, that doesn't seem likely, but it is possible. He may simply not realize he is crossing boundaries and playing with your emotions.

So, heck, no harm done by trying to go for it. Talk to him, tell him how you feel. Maybe he truly could feel the same way. But, as I believe you are beginning to see now, you can't allow him or anybody to play with your heart. You deserve better than that. And, for the record, you don't sound all that "cold" to me. You can be a little more introverted and that doesn't necessarily mean you are "cold."

Good luck, my friend. I most definitely know how you are feeling. I know it doesn't offer much comfort now, I wish it did, but just know that in the long run you will be okay.