Her "old" friend

[NewAtThis]

Ok

Never really done this before so guess I am looking for a sounding board and some external views. I am getting married in a couple of months to a lady who is like no other. I am not nervous about getting wed at all I am really looking forward to it. We have just finished the normal rounds of stag do / hen do, and its the latter that brought things to a boil.

My partner has had a male friend for a long time, she says he is more like a brother, they where brought up near each other and their parents where close friends ( apparently her mum had hoped one day they would get married). I have always felt a little odd about this chap, something I could put my finger on, but being a bloke it almost felt like he was stuck in the friendship zone (but would like more, however this could be on my head). Over the years he has given her some personal gifts such as hand drawn pictures in frames and spent holidays with her family. She calls him when she is upset and confides in him in a way she doesn't with me. Now she has worked and had other mail friends I have not thought twice about, its really just this one chap. She says nothing has happened between them historically but there is just something about them / him.

Anyway, her hen do was decided based on out of all things based on where he lived, in face the city they all went to was his home city where he has a flat. She invited him along even though it was a hen do, and he spent most of the weekend with them, during which time all but the most basic communication was cut off. Which in its self is odd as I normally get bombarded daily with how you doing and what you up to texts. On my stag do I called every morning for 15 minutes to let her know when we had done the day before. I wasn't best pleased about a bloke being at the Hen do but I mentioned it once, it seemed not to sink in so didn't push it, I don't want to be one of those overbearing husbands (or to be at least)

Now to be honest from my side, before this relationship I had been in a couple where my gut gave me this same feeling and I ignored it and it turned out I did had something to worry about, but on the same breath in my younger days I was liberal with my affections in relationships.

I guess what im wondering is am I getting wound up because im tarring her with the brush I used when I was younger? Am I just paranoid from my own experiences of being overly trusting in the past or is there something to worry about with him?

[TablesandChairs]

She's known this guy before you, I gather. Think about it - if she had a thing for him, what stopped her? What stopped him? (back when all parties were single). Clearly, romantic feelings aren't there. No one is forcing her to marry you. It's a choice she's making freely.

Anyway; I had a similar issue with my ex and my best friend. My then boyfriend kept saying how he 'just knew' my best friend was in love with me. I couldn't convince him otherwise. Anyway, later that year, said best friend came out of the closet. So, whatever my ex was imagining was just that - his imagination.

That said, the real issue is that you soon to be wife can't confide in you about her worries etc. like she does to her friends.

[NewAtThis]

To be honest I had never actually thought about the whole, if they did why arnt they together already, I mean I always thought something had happened but I guess if it had, then they would be together? Guess it shows sometimes out side view helps, the not being able to talk thing is separate issues, when every I try to talk about stuff personal between us, she crys or locks up like a rabbit in the head lights,

[purple_roses]

I think it's a real problem that she confides in him more than you.
I personally couldnt be with a man who has a best girlfriend that he cries and shares feelings with. It sounds like u are much more accepting then me and nothing wrong with that if u are handling it fine. She'll never quit talking to him and u seem ready to marry, so there's not much to do now. So he's not gay? Does he have a gf/wife?

[NewAtThis]

No, he is single and not gay, he was in a rel and didn't hear from him in a while, but since becoming single again he has popped back up.

[michelle23]

How close are they? Does she spend time alone with him? Call or text him late at night? Are their conversations flirty? Does she run to him if you two argue? If no, then I would say there is nothing to worry about but you should set clear boundaries about opposite sex friends and research emotional affairs to prevent it destroying your marriage further down the line.. you also need to speak up and tell her that the friendship makes you feel insecure and as your fiance she should respect that, reassure you and try to create some distance from him. If she reacts the opposite in anger or being defensive then I would reconsider marrying her as only guilty people react that way

[woody]

Your gut instincts have been right before. Funny thing though. Check it out. When we have been burned in our past, at the slightest drop of a hat (so to speak) in our present days, it seems to bring it all running forth, be it justified or not. This, only you can tell.
TAlk with her about it. See her reactions to your concerns. She's marrying you and would want to know if one of her relationships bothers you and since there's love there, she'll obviously want to remedy this.
Makes me wonder how this fella is with you? You've met him right? Do your spidey senses go on high alert? I'd pay attention to that if I were you.
But hey, listen to this. Even if this guy does have dubious intentions, she's marrying you man. YOU. not him.
She could be oblivious to his secret intentions and just considers him a good friend; still, your her future, not him and if I were her and my man was uncomfy with anything, I'd do my best to find a solution and i 'm sure she will too.
You know, you'd find out allot more if you invited this man out for a pint and a game of pool or something; just you and him. If he is just wanting to be her friend, you'd think he'd be more than stocked to go spend time with his future bro in law so to speak.
You'll find out allot more about him one on one.
Invite the guy out for a pint. You'll gain allot more insight..
congrats on the upcoming wedding btw. Hold strong to confidence. Again, she is marrying you.

[moneyspills]

I personally couldnt be with a man who has a best girlfriend that he cries and shares feelings with. It sounds like u are much more accepting then me and nothing wrong with that if u are handling it fine. She'll never quit talking to him and u seem ready to marry, so there's not much to do now.






[url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R4MefU-Ot3s]The No Contact Rule[/url]