Dilemma (cont'd.)

[unclear]

Hello again. My original thread, "Dilemma," was closed, but I'd like to continue the discussion. It's been about 6 months now since I got the news, and nothing has really changed. We are still taking the kids to school, putting them to bed, watching TV, and having no sex or even kissing--nothing. We are on counselor [URL=https://www.loveforum.net/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2]#2[/URL] , and so far it's been more clarification on why my wife is not interested... as one of you said a while back, she's "just not into" me. So that's the deal. I've got a family and a "wife" who is more of a caring roommate. Do I bail on this and put my kids through emotional trauma? Do I stay and suffer? Do we agree to stay together until the kids are X years old (what, 18 maybe?) and then split up? I am as confused as ever.

-unclear

[woody]

Well, children are impressionable. The question really is, what are you going to show them. Meaning, their watching, learning, experiencing. You and your wife/roomate (and i'm sorry your going through this) are showing them what a marriage is about. So,,,, what are you going to show them? That Mom's and Dad's settle in a loveless marriage? Hhmm. There's some food for thought.

I don't know if I responded to your last post that got closed but it sounds familiar so i'll say it again.
I have no children myself but I was one and I watched and learned. At first I was taught that the parents stay together no matter how lacking in intimacy/loving it became and this, well, really gave me a negative impression of how adults work. But then, one fine day, they finally split up. My proudest moment with them.
Finally, they stood up for their happiness and their divine right to it. Proudest moment with them.

[Wakeup]

Are you still not wanting to leave even if she won't give you any?
Have you researched anymore into open relationships?
Why are you on your second councilor? Whose idea was it to change and why?
Do you at least cuddle and show your children that there is some love still there or are like platonic room mates that tolerate one another?

[unclear]

Thanks for your replies; sorry it has taken me a while to get back to this. To answer your questions, Wakeup:
1. I am still not sure about leaving or staying despite her refusal to have sex.
2. We switched counselors because the first one was too expensive. Thought insurance would cover more than it did. I took the lead in this change.
3. We sit together on the couch sometimes... sometimes I rub her feet or head. The kids are usually asleep at this point so they don't see us being affectionate very often. However it's usually a warm environment with lots of hugs for the kids and we're friendly with each other, just not romantic.
Thanks again for your help.

[unclear]

I should add:
4. I have not researched open relationships further, because the idea creeps me out. I don't think it would work for us.
5. At our counseling session this week we confirmed/agreed that we are "Just Friends," and that at some point we will separate, but we want to wait until the kids are older, and in the meantime we plan to continue making do as best we can. (We do get along pretty well and co-parent pretty well, I think.) So I guess that's sort of a decision... deferred separation.

Your thoughts on this?

[Wakeup]

My thoughts are that you came here looking to find some sort of resolution to the unsatisfied life you live with your wife and that through your marriage therapy sessions you've come to an agreement that has allowed you to not expect anything but what you're getting from her.

That's called acceptance and lets hope it gives you peace until you actually separate or leave for the great beyond.

Be well.

[unclear]

Thank you, Wakeup. I think you have summarized things well. I'm grateful to you and the others on here who have helped me get through these last few months. The saga is not over, but I feel like I've turned a corner with it... as you say, acceptance. Anyway, thanks.