Is my boyfriend being unreasonable or am I the problem?

[waryfairy]

I've been dating my boyfriend for just over 2 months. We're both busy so we see each other once a week and contact mostly by texting at night just before bed. Lately, he's been having problems at work and has become very stressed. He says he doesn't know if he should stay with this job so he's taken up other stuff at night in preparation in case he does leave his current job, so now he's even busier than before. We hardly text now, mostly just how the day's been then he'll say he has to sleep cos it's late. I've told him i understand that he's got a lot on his plate so i don't mind that he can't spend much time with me and I told him if he's too busy on certain nights he just has to tell me then send me a good night message before he sleeps and i'll understand and be ok with it.

He's said that he's thankful i'm so understanding and considerate but tonight when we were texting, i told him i missed him twice in the conversation and he said he loves that I miss him but every time i say that it reminds him that he doesn't spend enough time with me and makes him feel guilty. He also said i say i miss him every 2 seconds. I probably tell him once or twice a day, is that too much? He says it's like i'm constantly reminding him how little time he spends with me. Then he said 'sometimes i wonder if i have enough time for a relationship', followed by 'I don't want to neglect you or the relationship but I'm really busy', then 'started to wonder if i should have a relationship at all at this stage of my life'. I freaked out and asked if he was trying to break up with me and he got angry and asked how the hell i interpreted that from his words. Did I overreact or did everyone get the same feeling from his words?

He got pretty pissed off with me and said he was disappointed that i would think he would break up with me over text (I didn't, i just freaked out and i told him that but i don't think he believed me), then he kept repeating that i made him feel guilty about not spending enough time with me. Apparently even saying i understand that he is busy and I'm ok with it makes him feel guilty too.

I don't know what's up with him. I apologised a few times through the conversation but he wouldn't calm down. I asked him if he wanted me to stop telling him I miss him and that I think about him and he said yes because it made him uncomfortable. Is that normal cos it doesn't seem normal to me. It seems like a very unreasonable thing to do. Am I wrong?

I'm starting to wonder if he's been feeling so guilty about not giving me enough attention that he's subconsciously trying to get me fed up enough with him to break up with him so he'll feel better. Or maybe he's just being unreasonable? I don't know but i am so upset right now. Anyone got any insight in the situation?

[michelle23]

You are being a doormat and hes being an asshole. Once a week is not a relationship, its a booty call especially if he can't be bothered to even text or call you when hes apparantly too "busy"..

If someone is interested, they MAKE time, no excuses. Hes using you

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And hes being defensive or angry coz he has no emotional feelings for you so every time you show affection it makes him uncomfortable so he reacts in anger. Hes being a bully and a pig. Why are you putting up with this?

[Wakeup]

Yeah... pretty much he's wanting you to do the breaking up and he's gas lighting you by saying that he didn't say anything about breaking up with you when in fact, everything he said made it sound like he was going to.

YOU be brave and YOU break up with him because the relationship you have with him now isn't a very good one. Once a week? That's making you have all the restrictions of a committed relationship but with NONE OF THE BENEFITS of having one.

One of the worst demoralizing situations is to be lonely within a relationship. Chuck this chuckler, heal and find someone who actually misses you back when he's not seen you in a day or two.

[TablesandChairs]

Oh seriously? I worked 40+ hours a week plus full time study (night classes) which meant my days started at 8 am, ended at 7:30 pm and I still made time for my partner.

You're expectations are pretty low...and he's making excuses. I don't think he's invested in you or your relationship and he's trying to break up through the cowards way. A relationship can't grow or progress based on seeing each other once a week, with some intermittent texting along the way.

When I was busy, my partner would come over, cook something and just be in the background while I was studying doing his own thing...you don't have to be in each others face to spend time together. As I understand it - he's an employee, not a business owner and as such, his job has a start time and an end time. No different to most people who manage to juggle a lot more. Unless there's something you've not mentioned.

[purple_roses]

I'm sorry but it sounds like he is losing interest in you slowly.

You sound a bit clingy with the daily I miss you texts and freak outs. There's nothing wrong with wanting more attention, I would too. He's not meeting your needs. I don't see this relationship being very happy.

[waryfairy]

To be fair, we did agree on one date a week because I'm actually really busy with studies & work too. At times, I have trouble organising my schedule to make time for our night out myself.

Some back up info:
He works full time, has a casual job on the weekends, has sporting & religious commitments, and is looking after 3 rental properties. He is currently doing renovations for 2 of them to get them ready asap for renting out.

I was honestly considering breaking up with him but then someone brought to my attention that he's going through a pretty devastating stage of his life at the moment. Considering how males see their success in life as being related to their career, with his currently going downhill, he probably feels like a complete failure. It is understandable that he is feeling stressed & lost in life. They said he is so focused on trying to fix the problem & get his life back on track that he probably doesn't have the time or effort to invest into the relationship for now. They recommended to just stay by his side & support him for now.

It just sounds so logical that now I don't know what to do. I honestly feel like I love this guy. Before all this stuff happened with his job being in jeopardy & all, he honestly used to be very sweet & attentive to me. That has kind of stopped now but I cant tell if that is because of the stress from his career falling apart or because like others have said, that he is losing interest in me.

I don't know if I should wait longer to see if things would go back to how it was after he gets his life back on track or if I should just give up & leave him. I honestly feel like I love this guy & I really dont want to make the wrong decision. If I break up with him there is no turning back. I don't want to find out later that it was all due to stress & work & that he really wanted to be with me, but at the same time I don't want to be a doormat if that is all I am to him. I am so confused!!

When he texts me at night, some nights he seems so enthusiastic to be in contact with me. He constantly talks about our future together. He says I should focus on my studies so I can graduate faster so we can get married earlier. He talks about having children & a family with me. We always organise our date night in advance. He would discuss with me which night is best for both of us & set a time. He has about a 95% rate of replying to all of my texts, sometimes really late cos he's busy, but he generally doesn't ignore me, unless the text was just to say I miss him.

Any other suggestions or advice??

[Erinesia]

Oh yes. I know the guy you're dating. He's the hot n' cold / bi-polar guy. If you keep your distance, he's gets hot. If you get too close and show your heart, he's cold.

My suggestion is to lose him as fast as you can and focus on getting a guy that really wants a relationship with you and treats you the way you deserve. Trust me, you don't want marriage or a family with your current BF. If he's making you miserable now, what do you think will be in store for you if you marry him?

Run, girl, run. As fast as you can.

[basilandthyme]

The fact that he may (or may not) be in a difficult phase of his life is not your problem. You've only been together two months and he's apparently not meeting your needs. Dump him and find someone who does meet your needs.

But I would stop with the "I miss you" thing no matter who you're with. It does sound needy.

[moneyspills]

One of the worst demoralizing situations is to be lonely within a relationship. Chuck this chuckler, heal and find someone who actually misses you back when he's not seen you in a day or two.





[url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p_uLBzE9b4o]How Do I Make My Ex Fall in Love with Me Again[/url]

[woody]

I've been dating my boyfriend for just over 2 months. We're both busy so we see each other once a week and contact mostly by texting at night just before bed. Lately, he's been having problems at work and has become very stressed. He says he doesn't know if he should stay with this job so he's taken up other stuff at night in preparation in case he does leave his current job, so now he's even busier than before. We hardly text now, mostly just how the day's been then he'll say he has to sleep cos it's late. I've told him i understand that he's got a lot on his plate so i don't mind that he can't spend much time with me and I told him if he's too busy on certain nights he just has to tell me then send me a good night message before he sleeps and i'll understand and be ok with it.

He's said that he's thankful i'm so understanding and considerate but tonight when we were texting, i told him i missed him twice in the conversation and he said he loves that I miss him but every time i say that it reminds him that he doesn't spend enough time with me and makes him feel guilty. He also said i say i miss him every 2 seconds. I probably tell him once or twice a day, is that too much? He says it's like i'm constantly reminding him how little time he spends with me. Then he said 'sometimes i wonder if i have enough time for a relationship', followed by 'I don't want to neglect you or the relationship but I'm really busy', then 'started to wonder if i should have a relationship at all at this stage of my life'. I freaked out and asked if he was trying to break up with me and he got angry and asked how the hell i interpreted that from his words. Did I overreact or did everyone get the same feeling from his words?

He got pretty pissed off with me and said he was disappointed that i would think he would break up with me over text (I didn't, i just freaked out and i told him that but i don't think he believed me), then he kept repeating that i made him feel guilty about not spending enough time with me. Apparently even saying i understand that he is busy and I'm ok with it makes him feel guilty too.

I don't know what's up with him. I apologised a few times through the conversation but he wouldn't calm down. I asked him if he wanted me to stop telling him I miss him and that I think about him and he said yes because it made him uncomfortable. Is that normal cos it doesn't seem normal to me. It seems like a very unreasonable thing to do. Am I wrong?

I'm starting to wonder if he's been feeling so guilty about not giving me enough attention that he's subconsciously trying to get me fed up enough with him to break up with him so he'll feel better. Or maybe he's just being unreasonable? I don't know but i am so upset right now. Anyone got any insight in the situation?

Both. Sounds like he's attempting to push your limits (cowards way out) and he's being unreasonable.

Feel like you love him? huh. So soon?
So what, are you going to wait around for his texts, have to watch what you say, can't share your feelings? Interesting.
You know my dear, if you re read your posts, from an outside point of view you'd see already what must be done.
A good man does not treat his lady like this. Why are you allowing it?
Everybody else already said what I was thinking so i'll leave it at that, save this; ditch this prick.