Disliking my relationship, but for no good reason

[schoenberg634]

Hey all. Thanks for taking the time to read.


So, I have been with my girlfriend for a bit shy of two years; this is my first serious relationship, but it's her second, and so a lot of the relationship has been a learning experience for me because I am trying to understand my feelings and how I feel in a relationship, and how I should feel.


The thing is, though, that I feel very negative about the state of things, but I don't really have a good reason why. I just feel very...tired of the relationship. There are a lot of little things that I have been noticing. For one, over the course of the relationship, I have found myself wanting to spend less and less time with her. We don't live together, and I see her maybe three days per week. I have always been someone who needs more alone time than the average person, but at the beginning, I wanted to spend more time with her. These days, including today, I am much more content to be by myself, doing anything, and even when I do spend time with her, I find myself itching to go after a while. I really don't know why this is.


The other major thing that I've noticed is that, whenever we're intimate, I generally don't seem to feel as strongly as she does. Whenever she sighs or says "I love you," I find myself feeling guilty or rolling my eyes or something similar. I also don't look forward to being intimate anymore. Whenever we do, I feel kind of like a doll for my girlfriend to hug to let her stresses out. I know that this is kind of a duty in a relationship, but that's all it ever feels like anymore. A lot of it feels like an obligation.


The problem in all this is that I don't know what to think about it. I don't know if I am being lazy, or if this is just how relationships are after this amount of time has passed, or if we really are on different wavelengths, or what. That's why I wrote this post. Based on what I wrote, what do you guys think? Have any of you ever experienced similar feelings? How did you deal with them?


Thanks so much for any input.

[rest77]

But do you see love her? Are you still attracted to her? If i was her i should have realized by now that you are being distant from me. And the only way i can set myself free is to let you go.

If am aren't having feelings for my partner or having no desire to be with him anymore, i do talk with him and end the relationship. Which i think will be the best for the both of us.

[michelle23]

You could just be taking her for granted.. maybe you are the problem. Maybe you are not seeing all the good in her and looking for the bad.. or maybe the infatuation has worn off and your not feeling butterflies so you assume something is wrong when in reality-your not supposed to feel that way anymore (butterflies)..

Honestly if you were my bf I would dump you. Make an effort or you will lose her or else end it now coz its not fair to only give her bits and pieces of you if/when you feel like it. She deserves ALL of you. If your bored, do something about it. Take her out, plan a trip, suggest something new in the bedroom, join a new hobby together.. relationships have ups and downs but you shouldn't break up unless you are sure.. otherwise you will regret it and you will be running back in a week of two which isn't fair to anyone to mess with their feelings that way.

[basilandthyme]

No sense putting in the hard yards to try and fix it if she's the wrong girl for you. And the amount of antipathy you're feeling does lead me to believe it's not the right relationship. And for what it's worth, you don't need a list of good reasons to end a relationship. "Not feeling it" is good enough reason on it's own.

Imagine if you broke up with her. After the initial shock, do you think you'd feel relief or sadness?

[TablesandChairs]

I think the moment you start rolling your eyes when you're partner is saying she loves you...then it's as good as over. Or feeling like her 'cuddle toy' where you just accept your 'duty'. That said - have you always struggled with connection? Have you always needed a lot of alone time? It's been two years...and I think you will need a lot more experience with relationships before you can commit to anything. You need to know whether the grass is greener or not and whether you might be the problem. It took an ex of mine quite a few relationships to realise he was the one with the issue, when all his subsequent girlfriends complained about the same thing. But he needed to experience that for himself.

[michelle23]

Sometimes there is no "greener grass". If something isn't broken, why fix it? Most people who end a long term relationship go out looking for someone just like their ex. Sometimes people just crave newness and excitement but once that wears off-as it does in every relationship are you just going to keep leaving?

[moneyspills]

It's been two years...and I think you will need a lot more experience with relationships before you can commit to anything. You need to know whether the grass is greener or not and whether you might be the problem. It took an ex of mine quite a few relationships to realise he was the one with the issue, when all his subsequent girlfriends complained about the same thing. But he needed to experience that for himself.







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