Separated and still in the same house

[JohnPeel]

This morning (yep Im still alive) I told she can stay in the house and I am moving out. Well, guess what, no surprises for some of you, she told me I was being selfish leaving her here in the house on her own, and having to maintain and PAY FOR the upkeep of the land and the bills. A text from her telling me to move out, her seeking a court order to have me removed, and a police phone call to say she was fearing for her life, and now she thinks I am being selfish for wanting to move out.

This would make a film or some weird book Im sure. Anyway, I am going to get myself a really good solicitor as soon as they are open and let them guide me.

[JohnPeel]

It's 30 December, and as you might imagine, my mind is still all over the place.

I had a phone call from Social Services yesterday as they were concerned about me and have offered their assistance. They have asked me to see them on the 5th Jan to talk about the situation in person, and they have also suggested there is a really good chance I can get legal aid to help with all of this.

My thoughts are constantly wanting to change the locks to protect myself, but then a deep sorrow overcomes me and nerves are gone. My heart is aflutter just thinking about doing it. I am honestly scared about what will happen to me if I do.

I feel I will be holding out as best I can until I have spoken with Social Services on the 5th. At least that way I will know where I stand from a legal point, and I will know what kind of support I can expect.

The have told me that at any time I feel it is too much, that I should ring them straight away, and they will provide assistance, as will the police.

[woody]

Yes man, you have a true 'nutter' there and I hope s.s can offer a plan of action that helps you sleep better; maybe some temp housing or something..
Just keep tapping into your support networks and hold strong. There be light at the end of that tunnel. Well wishes your way
woody=trees

[JohnPeel]

To be honest with you Woody, my mind is now in a place where I do want to protect what is mine and to not just walk away. I am tired of walking away and tiptoeing around her in case I upset her. She came into my room last night while I was asleep and I awoke to find myself spooning. Yep, I didn't know what to do because she appeared to be asleep, so I turned over and as I started to drift off again, she said I am snoring and she will have to go into her own room. I never said anything and it was even weirder the next day because she never said anything about it and just acted like it never happened.

Besides all that, she has made me dinner and while I was watching a movie she sat and watched it with me. She asked me what I want in the next shop she was ordering online too. It was our wedding anniversary today too, and althought I didn't get her a card, she got me one and in to read "I will always love you". Now as you can imagine living for years with her, I now do a lot of reading into things, and what she wrote left me thinking it is coming close to an end now and I am nearly getting kicked out for good.

She hasn't been able to kick me out because I will be able to just come and go as I please. What I feel she is doing is getting everything in place so that when she can get an injunction, that will be me, gone for good. So that's why I am not working on this coming Monday as my last likely day for securing my home, as the solicitors are back in work after the holidays, and she is out all day on Monday.

What I want to be able to do is to just change the locks (easy job I can do myself), have my meeting with Social Services and tell them what I have done and why, and then phone police and tell the police I have changed the locks and seen Social Services and do not want her back in the house because she has made me ill and is making me ill on a daily basis. She has also tried to get an injunction out on me because she fears for her life, and that is not a person I want in my house with me while I am at the same time suffering from domestic abuse by her.

I will ask the police then to advise me on the best way to contact her and tell that I have changed the locks. The police will have to be at my home if she wants to retrieve any items, because once she is out, there is no way I will have her back in.

I have no doubt that I will be starting WW3 when I do this, but you know, the thought of living like this for the next couple of years if I can't sell the house makes me feel sick, and I will be lucky if I live through it, so she just has to go.

It is Friday tomorrow and I have just 3 days to survive until Monday. I am preying that nothiing from her solicitors comes through the door in these days that will make it difficult to remove her.

Well that is my plan, lets see if I can see it through.

[JohnPeel]

7 January 15

I have had an interview with Social Services as they had a report from the Police from myself, and the police had contacted Social Services. Social Services have offered their support and will back me if I apply for an injunction against her, and for any other court or legal defences, which is really good news. In the meeting they had the reports from the police in front of them and said I am definately suffering Domestic Abuse and will state that when needed. They asked me to complete a risk assessment on behalf of the police that will be sent to them. The risk assessment was completed and showed Social Services that I was in fact in fear of my own safety and wellbeing and that the situation had worsened a great deal of late.

I spoke with a solicitor yesterday who told me I would likely be able to receive Legal Aid if I take my wife to court and to file for an injunction, and they have provided me the forms to give to Social Services and to my therapist. If both or one of them provide me a letter stating I am at rish or that I am suffering Domestic Abuse, then I will likely be granted Legal Aid. Which means it will be me that will have the best chance of removing her from the home until I sell it.

They will also deal with the divorce, but for that I will have to pay my own money, which is fine. Getting legal aid will also mean I will be able to afford to defend myself is it is my wife that attempts to get an injunction before I do. That said, my solicitor feels it would be difficult for my wife to win a case to get an injunction against me because there has been no prior offences to her from me, but in my case I have been being treated for Domestic Abuse for nearly 18 months.

I am to see my therapist on Thursday of this week, tomorrow, and will tell her everything that has happened since I last saw her a month ago, and I am sure she will be shocked by how it has developed, but at the same time, it was my therapist who diagnosed me with, and stated to me, that I was in fact suffering Domestic Abuse.

On Friday this week, I will also be contacting the police again, telling them that I am in fact suffering more since my last police report, and that I am fearing more now for my safety and health, and fear she may do something to harm me. She has become much more nasty and abusive, and really does scare me. I am scared she may hurt herself to blame me, and that is a horrible place to be, but the police, my therapist, Social Services, and just about everyone I know, have all said I need to protect my home and to not let her bullie me out. This is also my own feeling and will do what I can to get her out instead.

My solicitor tells me that it would be a good idea to stay with my family for a while when or if the injunction is served and until after the court date, so she doesn't try to harm herself to get back at me in revenge. Once or if the injunction is granted, the solicitor will then send the divorce papers to my wife. It makes sense.

So one minute I am running and the next I am fighting, but fight I must. I also must say, that I sort of feel a bit guilty about having my wife served an injunction and also filing that I am suffering from Domestic Abuse. It seems really harsh, but at the same time, she has tried and is still trying for all I know, to get an injunction on me, and says she has told the police she fears I may kill her and kill myself. So I suppose I shouldn't be feeling sad, but I just do.

God only knows what my wife is getting up to on the quiet with regard to legal things, but my focus should be on getting myself sorted and protecting myself and not worrying what she is up to.

[dontaskme]

Don't feel bad for her. She's got her own agenda going. Trust me, a woman like her has no conscience and will eat you alive if she can. Why don't you file for divorce now? You can file for divorce and injunction at the same time. Don't waste your time. You want to get rid of her ASAP so you can move on with your life.

[JohnPeel]

Your right of course, and I have told my solicitor today that I would like her to start work on the divorce. I don't want her back and there is really no point in delaying any longer. Like you say, the sooner its done the sooner I am able to move on. I suppose I have been putting it off in part because I have been scared of what she will do when she is given the papers, and that in order for me to file for divorce now, I would have to state on grounds of unreasonable behaviour, which will not go down well I wouldn't have thought and she might even want to fight it. The main thing though is that I will have served her and that is a plus however you look at it, and another move to freedom.

I have been told also today that I am unlikely now to be awarded Legal Aid, as my property is on the market for £320k with no debt attached. But not to worry, I still can't do this anymore and my sister is preparing a room for me for when I pack everything up and move out. Stop paying the bills and leave her to it until such time as either the house sells or my solicitor removes her for making no effort to sell.

It matter little at this point, as I just want to have no more contact with her or see her, and if I leave, any contact she makes will have to be through my solicitor. I will be able to change my number and my email address, and that will be that hopefully. Things keep changing I know, but I suppose a lot of that is due to my unwillingness to give my house up and the fear of the unkown. But it really is crunch time here, again.

[JohnPeel]

Saw my therapist today and told her everything that had gone on the last month. She was shocked to say the least. She also told me I needed to make a plan of action before I left her office. She said you can't keep going in freefall like your doing, you will end up with a heart attack or stroke.

She asked if I wanted to still be with her, I said no. She asked if I had a place to go and I said both my sisters have offered me my own room in their homes near my daughters. I told her I am dying and it is a living hell here at the house for me. I told her that I wanted to move out but was affraid of losing my half of the house.

The solicitor got back to me and said there is no way I can get legal aid but was ready to start the divorce. I told her to start the divorce. I also went home and told my wife I was moving out as soon as I could. She started shouting and arguing with me about how selfish have been and how this is all my fault. But I am so tired of seeing her face and having her beat me down on a daily basis, that I just have to leave.

My solicitor said that no matter what the house is still in my name and I am entitled to half of it at least, and that she can't get lodgers in without my approval. She also said that I can force her out after a period of time if she hasn't sold the house or made effort to.

Although it feel like I am starting again from scratch, at least I still own a part of my house, and the main thing is my daughters are what matter most and I will now be able to spend as much time with them as they and I want to.

I will be OK Im sure, I have a great family support, and when I took my daughters out for dinner yesterday, they basically begged me to leave teh house and to move in with my sisters. They said they were worried for me and need to divorce the "bitch". Bless their cotton socks.

Once I leave I will have to have some sort of no contact thing going and let her deal with my solicitor. I might change my number so I don't still get abusive phone call whenever she feels like an abuse fix.

It will be really hard to think of her with someone else in my home that I have basically re-built from scratch, and I would be lying if I said it wouldn't bother me. It will also bother me to think I am living out of a suitcase while she is living in sort of luxery. But then I really have little choice but to get on with do I.

Thank you lot again.

[dontaskme]

While waiting for the divorce papers, ask your attorney to create a separation agreement that you and your spouse can settle upon and both will sign off on it.

Additionally, let it be known to your attorney, and to convey to your wife, that she is not allowed, by any means, to let any unsolicited guest stay in your home, unless approved by you. That means if she wants someone to stay in your house, as a guest, she needs to contact your lawyer to get your approval. If she doesn't abide by your request, then she will have to leave the marital property in x amount of days and have to seek another place to live.

Additionally, if her income is higher than yours (since you said you are disabled and unable to work), at least by some significant amount, seek for spousal support. It's payback time for the bitch!

[JohnPeel]

I didn't know that such a rule could exist with regard to who can stay in the house, that is a good point. I will have some words with my solicitor with regard to that. I have no doubt it would be hard to prove that she has someone moving in with her and not just staying once in a while.

I remember when I was first seeing her. She was living in a house that was in her ex-boyfriends name only, even though they bought the house while they were together. She had him thrown out by the police for smashing a coffee table, and he moved in with his mum. He had a great job so soon bought another house, but she was in the house for 2 years.

For the last 6 months of that 2 years, I was living in the house with her. It felt really weird, but didn't bother me that much to know it was still in her ex's name. She wanted to keep it quiet at first because he was still paying all the bills and all the mortgage and she was sitting quite pretty really.

But after a few months, I was living there full time and she told him and I then helped her pay the bills because he rightly stopped. Looking back and now likely going to be in a similar situation, it must have been really hard for him knowing that she was living there with a partner. That poor guy must have been a mess, and now it might be my turn.

I remember her friend saying to me that my wife's ex has seen my 4 year old car up the drive and commented that he thought my ex would have met someone with money instead of me.

In the end she wanted to move on and out of that home and into her own owned home and her ex was in a position to offer buy her out. For more than her half was worth I might add.

I will have to find out what the rules are on her staying there forever and not being able to get her out are.

[dontaskme]

You can always impose rules on any property that you own/co-own as long as they are reasonable, and to me, that is a sensible request, considering that you aren't even divorced yet. Technically, if she will have a romantic partner live in your property, before your divorce paper is finalized, it is considered an adulterous act and depending on your laws, that could work in your favor. Ask your lawyer about that.

[JohnPeel]

As one more attempt at a stand while being here. I will be going to my local courts today to file an Occupation Order. My solicitor says this can be applied for in person and can be in force in no time at all if granted. It can also be set in motion without her prior knowledge. I have police records, Social Services and therapist backing, plus my disability living conditions and care needs to back me. It is worth a go for sure, and I have nothing to lose.

I will also not be just packing my bags and leaving the house completely without all paperwork securing my investment and conditions in place. I will however be spending much less time here while all that is going on.

[Wakeup]

I just wanted to say "congratulations" for being able to post and get past that Indian Astrologer that has LoveForum Admin by the ballzzzz.

Good for being productive about getting the hell outta Dodge, John. Your Borderline Personality Disordered ex is a bane to ALL our existences at this point. O.O

[JohnPeel]

I must admit to being less than impressed with the support available for the abused in the UK so far. I am a disabled man, living in a home that I purchased in my sole name that has the access I require, I am being emotionally and mentally abused, my therapist and Social Services, and the police agree, my wife is getting paid to care and is the abuser, and all I get is that there is nothing anyone can do unless I am being physically abused or assaulted by her. It all seems pretty crazy that I can be left in this house with an agreed abuser, for her to abuse as she wishes without having to fear anything from anyone.

My elder sister is a saint. She is a couple of years older than me and has lived a great life and is now single. She is putting an offer in on a house that will have an extra bedroom for me to move into it. It will also have a garage to house all my tools and things. She said she will not take any money from me (I will of course make sure she takes some), and she is really looking forward to it.

When I was in my 20's she lived on her own in Australia and I stayed with her for nearly a year and we got on great and partied. I know we are much older now, but I think we will be OK, and in the end I will be able to buy my own house again once this one had gone. Meanwhile I think I have told you that my younger sister is preparing a room in her home for me as I am writing this and is also looking forward to my stay and getting out with me. She took me out last night and I caught up will a load of old friends.

Tomorrow I am looking for a secure unit to house all my things, and this week I get everthing sorted with the solicitors at last.

[woody]

Right flippin on. Just dropping in here to see how your doing there man and by sounds of it, your doing well.
Pretty cool that Dontaskme has skill and advice regarding legal aspects and between everyone here, I think all of us be sending you cosmic support to you and yours.

Make sure your eating right. Your sisters will make sure of that. Hey, family is great isn't it.

well wishes in this 2015'th year for you man. FREEDOM is yours