Just not that in to me?

[Bubbles92]

Hi,

I recently met a guy on a night out whilst travelling. We shared a kiss and he walked me back to my hotel later on, we sat and spoke for ages but he didn't try it on and after about 2 hours of talking he said he had to get back to his hotel and walked off. He then came back 30 seconds later looking embarrassed and asked if he could have my facebook. We exchanged names and had a bit of banter over chat the next day but then both moved on to different locations. I got back from travelling a few weeks later and we started talking. He said that he was moving to a town 10 minutes down the road from me in a couple of weeks and that I should show him around. A couple of weeks later he contacted me to say that he had just moved that day and would I still like to meet up sometime to which I accepted. A few days later we went on a date which went really well, we had a lot in common and I was ridiculously attracted to him. However, we both spent a lot of the time we were together telling each other that we had both had people come on way too strong and that we were quite chilled about dating and liked our own time. I kind of left the date feeling a little bit confused as to why we'd gone out even though I was also saying (and telling the truth at the time when I said it) that I wasn't particularly looking for a relationship. By the time we'd gone on our date I'd already planned to go and live in another country for a few months so for the 3 weeks until I left he'd ask if he could see me again if I had time before I left, so we went on 3 more dates before I left, he always took me to really nice places, paid the bill, treated me like a gentleman should and didn't even try to kiss me until our 3rd date. (We only really spoke between dates if we were arranging another time to meet). I ended up only being away for a week because I wanted to be home, but I didn't hear from him the whole time I was away. Then the day I got back he texted me to ask how it was going for me, and I explained that I'd come home so he asked me out again. This time he had been injured so he came to my place, we ordered food and stayed in. We ended up staying up until 4am talking even though he had work and I offered him to stay, he said he didn't want me to feel like I had to offer but I wanted him to, although I didn't want to sleep with him. When we got in to bed I kept my tshirt on to symbolise this. We rolled around kissing for a while but he didn't try it on I with me. Then he left on Sunday and we texted a little bit on Sunday afternoon. I didn't hear from him again until Tuesday when he said to let him know if I wanted to hang out again. So I said I was available on Thursday to which he replied 'so soon?!' Then texted again to say he was joking and it sounded good. Thursday came and he texted me when he'd finished work to ask if I was still free, he said he was knackered so could we do something chilled, so I responded saying I was really hungover too. So he asked if I wanted to do it another time, I said I was fine but could rearrange if he was too tired, to which he said he was 'tired and had stuff to do' but to let him know whether I was free next week. (it was 3pm in the afternoon). I said 'I'm not sure I'll let you know' to which he replied 'make sure you do, well do something next week'. I didn't reply because I felt like he was fobbing me off with an excuse I've used many times, and wanted to spare myself the embarrassment. That was on Thursday, it's now Monday and I haven't heard anything. Do you think I should text him? Or do you think I should hold out to see if he texts me. I try to think of it as an outsider and to be honest I'd say if he's cancelled the date because 'he has stuff to do' he's probably not really as interested as I am and I should save myself the future heartache. It's strange because he treated me like such a gentleman while we were out but I just didn't really feel like he made much of an effort I between. Any suggestions?? Help!! Am I over reacting over his lack of contact between dates and cancelling a date I would never ever have cancelled because I was excited about it.

[relationship55]

I think you should text him. Honestly, it seems like he really likes you because you guys have had a lot of dates. On top of that, he treated you like a gentlemen. Not many guys do this.

I think you're over thinking everything (don't we all though? haha). I really don't think texting him is going to bother him.

[TablesandChairs]

I don't know; he might just not be all that communicate via text/calls...he did mention that you should text him with another date and it's also possible that he didn't want to be the one inconveniencing you after you'd mentioned being hung-over. I guess you have to suss him out, all men are different. My partner called me 10 hours after our first date...and arranged to meet me again that evening. Personally, I prefer that approach; no guess work, no games. But as he explains it, he was 37 when we met...dated plenty, been married and divorced...so he knew what he wanted and he also didn't want to risk me thinking he wasn't interested. That sort of attitude comes with experience and age, I think...younger or less experienced men are a lot more cautious and insecure about coming on too strongly.

Put it this way; at the moment, seems to me like you're playing a bit of a game too - not in a malicious way but you obviously don't want to seem too keen and you want him to be doing the initiating. But this won't get you anywhere - arrange another date and take it from there. Obviously if he fobs you off all the time, then you'll have a clearer answer. Play it by ear; you have nothing to lose. If nothing comes of it, so be it - you tried. But don't start reading into things too much. I think our instincts generally serve us well...we know when a guy doesn't seem all that interested...but we can also become paranoid and jaded and neglect to realise that not all men are full-on 'alpha' types...some need encouragement and clear signs that their advances are welcomed.

[relationship55]

I agree with tablesandchairs! DEFINITELY do not overthink it!

[Bubbles92]

Thank you guys for your opinion, do you really not think that 'I'm knackered and have stuff to do' is he oldest excuse in the book. I kind of thought if was really that interested he would be texting me to rearrange seeing as he was the one who cancelled. I'm just so confused, I don't want this to have been a fob off and I've just not got the hint.

[purple_roses]

Seriously, sometimes people really are just not in the mood to hang out. Maybe he had a headache, maybe he wanted to nap, maybe he had a few things to do, maybe he just didn't feel like being around someone, I mean there's a million reasons. I think him saying this once means nothing! IF he kept blowing u off (which I don't even count this as a blowoff since he was nice and was contacting you) then I would think he doesn't like you, but it was a one time thing. I saw nothing wrong with your post and I'm confused why you are reading into this so much. Text him and make some plans since he has been putting effort into it.