I feel so lonely and lost; don't know what to do

[EllBee]

I have been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half now. Some parts of the year I've been 100 miles away at school, but I come home just about every weekend so I can see him. I graduate this December and we've decided to move in together, which we have basically already done for the first 8 months of this year and it worked out well. He's 35, i'm 24. I'm mature for my age... he isn't.

Sometimes he can be the sweetest man in the world. Waiting for me at his place with flowers and chocolates; sending me love notes; texting me pictures of the good memories we've had. Other times, he's an absolute monster. He stays up late drinking with his friends fairly frequently. I always ask him to call me before he goes to bed, just so I feel like he's still thinking about me. I get really lonely when I'm at school and it's hard on me. Most of the time he says "of course I'll call you before I go to bed. I love you". And almost every time, he doesn't call. And I end up not getting any sleep because my brain won't let me. I wake up every 30 minutes to see if he's called yet. I call him over and over and over until finally at 4 pm when he calls me, not acknowledging that he fell through with his promise. Then getting mad at me for actually caring so much if he calls me. Then finally apologizing.

This happened last night/today. He promised, he didn't do it, and instead of just saying "I'm so sorry, I passed out" he says "Oh you're pissed? Again? Well, I gotta go". Click. Then he called me back about 20 minutes later and when I answered he said "Sorry, wrong number" and hung up. I called him back and he finally answered, saying he was eating and he would call me back. When he called me back, he acted like everything was fine "What's up, baby? Oh, what are you mad about? No, I really don't know what you're talking about. Please, tell me. Oops, the food delivery guy is here. Gotta go, call you right back". That was two hours ago, still haven't heard from him. I've been bawling in my bed, when I need to be writing a huge paper that is due tomorrow. It feels like he is actively trying to make me more mad and that he really doesn't care if my feelings are hurt or I'm upset. I keep telling myself that I shouldn't be begging him to apologize, he should be begging for my forgiveness. But that's never how our relationship has worked, I've always felt like I'm the one that holds us together. He could leave me tonight and find someone else in hours, I'd be heartbroken for months. He takes every bit of confidence I have and just stomps on it. He makes me feel like a tiny, insignificant person. I feel like I should end it but I don't have the strength to, I'm in love with him. It's so hard for me to end it when I think about all of the times he's not like this, and he treats me the way I deserve to be treated. I didn't want a simple issue to blow up into this, he could have stopped it in the beginning. He says that I like to argue, but that's so far from the truth. I feel torn up inside. I don't know what to do. I just want his respect.

[TablesandChairs]

You have anxiety; whether it's caused by his aloofness or not I'm not sure. But you're affecting your life, your studies and your happiness and you need to take some responsibility for that. You're giving him all the power; 'if he doesn't text me, I sit in bed crying all day and I can't function'. Does that sound healthy to you? What do you think is happening? He's fine. You're not. Your college might have some counselling options so try to seek them out; there's nothing to be ashamed about but you need to recognise that your well-being is in his your hands, not his.

[TheEvilJester]

It is this sort of crap that really gets my blood boiling. I've been made to feel insignificant and worthless way too much in my life to the point where I REFUSE to let anybody ever do that to me again. So, it really p*$$e$ me off to hear about this happening to somebody else.

Reading this story, it makes me feel like this is exactly the sort of guy I'd like to lock in a room and play a nice game of hide the machete.

Anyway, the bottom line is I think you are answering your own question just in the way you describe your situation. He stomps on your confidence? He makes you feel tiny and insecure? Why would you want to be with somebody like that? I know it is not always easy, but you need to ditch this zero. There is some Prince Charming out there looking for you, but you aren't going to find him if you are stuck with the Evil Sorcerer. This guy sounds like a freaking child.

Are you perhaps over-reacting a bit when you freak out and call him again and again? Or sit up all night wondering why he doesn't call? Sure.... but I'd venture to guess that you've been driven to that because of the way he has treated you. Mind you, it would be okay if he didn't call you every night..... IF HE DIDN'T SPECIFICALLY PROMISE HE WOULD! To me, that is more so the glaring problem here. He insists he is going to call and then flat out doesn't. Not only that, but he then expects that to just be okay and gets made when you disagree. It sounds to me like you aren't overly clingy... he has MADE you overly clingy. So, stop clinging. You deserve better. I sincerely hope you find it.

[woody]

DEar O.P

Well, your right. You shouldn't have to seek out apologies from him. They ought to come naturally and well, if they don't and the weird games played by him continue which it sounds like they do and will, perhaps it is time to seriously consider closing the door on this one.
When the one we love or feel we do does things that we know are unjust and wrong yet we continue to allow it, we are showing them that it's ok to behave this way and well, it just isn't is it.
Your already sensing this guy is not for you. Sure, you'll remember the good times, the moments he treated you like gold but if this isn't consistent, it is up to you to say, "no more".

There are too many good men out there to waste precious time hoping your current will be nice again. Never knowing who your going to get behind the face is no way to live with a person, be with a person.

It'll hurt letting him go but something tells me you already know what needs to be done here.

[dontaskme]

Ah, I think there is something wrong with both of you. It's is apparent what is wrong with your BF but you.... are a teeny bit insecure. You should not allow a skipped phone call by your BF bug you to no end. You need to feel confident enough to say "fukc him if he doesn't call me or apologize to me". Ignore him if he behaved in an unacceptable way and let him stew over why you are not paying attention to him instead of wasting your precious time crying over him. You could have used that precious time concentrating on something more worthwhile, like your studies. Live and learn.

[michelle23]

You need to grow a backbone. Your very dependent on him and its very unhealthy. You cry for hours if he doesn't call? That is not normal. Do you have friends in college? Hobbies? Family? Right now your acting like hes the only thing worth living for.. you need to get a life outside of him and start living it to the full. Your 24, you have youth on your side. Yiu have the whole world at your feet with so many options and great opportunities coming your way. Your about to graduate which is a time to celebrate all your hard work. You will gain much independence when you start working in your field, meet new people, make new friends..

Honestly this guy is abusing you. You cling to the occasional times hes nice only to feel like absolute shit when he isn't. Its a game and hes playing you. Hes only nice because he wants you to remember that each time he gives you a reason to dump him. Where is your self respect? Your self worth? Why are you settling for this?

The guy is in his 30's, has an alcohol problem, treats you badly, doesn't care about your feelings, is going nowhere with his life and if he hasn't grown up by now-he never will. He will never make a good husband or father. Stop wasting your time on this loser. Dump him, focus on your future and heal from the breakup. Meet a nice guy your own age who is on the same page as you in terms of future goals and who us as invested in you emotionally as you are.

I know right now you think you will be devastated if you break up but you are miserable with him. You will only feel like crap for a short time once you dump him and then you will gradually start to feel better. Look up the five stages of grief. You will get over him and it will lead you closer to a happier future

[TheEvilJester]

Great advice, I think, from the whole group here.

I'll just add this....

I've been in a pretty dark mood lately. Want me to kill him for you?

[woody]

te he ehehe. Ah, awesome.

[moneyspills]

To me, that is more so the glaring problem here. He insists he is going to call and then flat out doesn't. Not only that, but he then expects that to just be okay and gets made when you disagree. It sounds to me like you aren't overly clingy... he has MADE you overly clingy. So, stop clinging. You deserve better. I sincerely hope you find it.








[url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C9jiJ2NOYtw]How Do I Get My Ex Back After I Cheated[/url]

[TheEvilJester]

I gotta tell ya, moneyspills never ceases to amaze me with the absolutely awesome advice he provides. I mean, I swear it is like he took the words right out of my mouth (NO, it was NOT while he was kissing me. )

He didn't take the words right out of my mouth, though.... because I didn't speak them, I typed them. So, he took the words right.... off of my fingers? That just sounds weird.

[dontaskme]

^^^ Moneyspills is trolling you.

[TheEvilJester]

Yes, I'm well aware of that. Just my little way of pointing it out in a goofy/amusing way. It's not just me, though. He's done it to several others as well, parroting their words back exactly word for word.

To be honest, I actually find it mildly amusing. It's one of the most bizarre, and yet fairly harmless methods of trolling I have ever come across.

[woody]

by golly, word for word you are correct. Saw it on another post. Maybe it's some computer glitch? idk. Hey, can somebody explain to me what a flippin troll is please? I mean, if a troll is someone who reads what others write regarding any one particular thread pertaining to advice asked for and given, wouldn't that mean everyone is a troll? Please, what is a troll? Is he/she big and green and can it eat me without salt? I am confused

hope o.p is doing well

[TheEvilJester]

I don't think it could be a computer glitch, woody. It happens so often. He's copied my words many times, but also done the same to others. Plus, sometimes it is not the entire post, but he just takes part of it. I mean, after all, you've seen how I can write an entire freaking novel in one of my posts. LOL!

To answer your question, a troll is a creature that lives under a bridge and eats people who try to cross it.

Wait... sorry, you meant in a different context.

A troll is a cute little doll with long, funny, colorful hair that was popular in the 80's.

Oh.... is that still not what you meant? Sorry. :-P

Being serious, though, in this context a "troll" is a very generic term for somebody who likes to cause trouble on the Internet.

They come in many shapes and forms, but are basically people who, instead of wanting to make friends, or help people, or actually constructively be part of whatever conversation is going on, they like to just cause trouble for their own amusement.

Usually, they are much more harmful than this. Moneyspills is definitely a very harmless form. Some trolls make it their mission to be as nasty to people as they can for no good reason just to make them feel better about their worthless lives. I personally get a kick out of moneyspills and his particular band of trolling. It is completely harmless and absolutely baffling in its 100% pointlessness.

[woody]

always making me giggle there man. thank you kindly for the clarity; hope you be well