Why should everyone assume they're worthy of "confidence"?

[TablesandChairs]

Confidence is its own skill. A friend of mine has a genius IQ, works in programming - he's lucky that in his industry, all that matters is ability. If he had to sell himself, he'd have no chance...his self esteem is bordering on zero. Do you have to be the absolute best at something? No, few of us are. I used to love Ballet - was quite good at it. I thought - yep, for sure - I'll end up a professional dancer. That was at age 12. Had a few growth spurts, ended up 5'11...not a desired trait in ballerina's. I moved on, found something else to focus on and develop. Then I became over-weight, confidence dwindled for a couple of years...then I thought, okay enough of that and lost the weight.

Believe me, few of us are so blessed with amazing talents and looks - people work at it all the time. Skinny guys go to the gym, fat guys go on diets, average looking women become good at make-up application...heck, a friend of mine who facially, has some unfortunate traits (no jaw, crooked nose) saved up and got surgery. People do what they need to do. They bust their chops at University or in their careers because they don't have super-model looks to fall back on.

[TheEvilJester]

The other important thing to remember is that "beauty" or level of attractiveness is very relative. What one person will find ugly, another person will find beautiful. So, I am sure you are not unattractive. You just have to find the girl who will think you are very attractive.

Like I said, trust me, I know how hard that can be. I live that struggle myself. Like I said, you almost have to have a fake it 'till you make it kind of attitude. Those of us who lack confidence aren't going to just magically get confidence. But, again, you can at least hide your lack of confidence. In other words, I wouldn't say the sort of things you are here to other people. Also, as hard as it may be, don't carry yourself as though you lack confidence.

Heck, if you feel you are unattractive, maybe do something to help that. Start a work-out program, a healthy diet, something like that. Maybe update your wardrobe to something that is still you, while maybe also more attractive to others. Take it from me, none of that will magically give you confidence, but it will at least help. Especially if others start to notice it positively.

In the end, for guys like us, it is when others start to recognize the good people we are that we start to be able to see it ourselves. Simply telling us we need confidence is not helpful. We can't just flip a switch. If we could, don't you think we would? But there are things we can do to help ourselves along the way. Good luck, my friend. I hope you find your way to start building your confidence. I have little by little. I am living proof it CAN be done, even for those of us who thought we were hopeless.

[woody]

I have scars along my face, right down the center due to a bad car crash (passenger) many years ago which left me looking quite different. they had to re build part of my forehead, the frontal plate and one eye is slightly sunk in. It took some time to be able to do normal things like go food shopping without scaring a little kid. Once the scars began to meld into my normal form and the swelling went down a little, it was 'confidence' that got me through.
I carried myself proudly and this made all the difference in the World


and Cosmo, just read your reply. I get where your coming from but one day, you will meet the right lady. There are allot of superficial folks about I grant you that. Yet there are many many very wonderful and deeper folks too and yes, one day your going to be walking and strutting your stuff and someone, somewhere will see you or you'll see them and 'kaboom' sparks will fly and all your good qualities and theirs will shine through and all you'll see is the look in their eyes and you'll both just know, this is it.

[YoungCosmo]

Well I'm drunk again so a rant before replying directly, per usual

Is men judging other guys for winning more an evolutionary thing? I thought humans had evolved to the point of becoming advanced beyond conforming to so many evolutionary theories but I just started watching It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and TV shows are direct correlates with culture, and culture implies the people. The guys in these shows are deliberately portrayed as so unlikable, but unlikable to whom? They're "douchebags" but they win, don't they? So aren't they better humans because they win and procreate and the men who watch the show who are supposed to hate them hate them and are consequently losers?

Winning and losing in life has preoccupied my mind a lot lately, hence I drink so much. Since I can't win with girls, might as well win with drinking by drinking better beer (although I don't get all pedantic and ruin every Bud Light guy's night with acting superior; beer is beer, after all).

[TheEvilJester]

I LOVE that show. I don't know what Always Sunny you are watching, though. The gang on that show are IDIOTS and their crazy ideas almost always blow up in their faces. They absolutely do not win.

Also, you most definitely cannot look at "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" as any kind of picture of our culture. That show is off the wall bizarre, and intentionally so. It is a comedy. It is meant to be so crazy it is funny. Are there people like that in this world? Of course. But they definitely are not the norm.

[YoungCosmo]

Can we really judge them though? Although maybe normal people can; as a weaker male, I have no room to. These characters if they were real humans would be far more remembered and loved than a weak nobody like me. Their ploys fail but they have a bar, friends and can get dates and/or sex. So aren't they better and lesser of failures than the guys without those things?

[TheEvilJester]

Those characters are self-centered, egotistical and rude. They don't care about anybody but themselves. As result, they actually don't really have ANY friends. Their only friends are each other.

They get dates, but if you'll notice, none of them has ever had a long-term relationship. Even when they do, they eventually screw it up. In that aspect, you can think of them as off the wall, unrealistic characters living in a realistic world.

So, look at it like that. They may have a bar, but they don't do very well. Any time they suddenly find a way to do well, they screw it up somehow and are back to being a crappy bar barely making it by. From time to time, they have a date or make new friends..... But they always mess that up too and wind up back with just the group. Heck, most of them can barely stand each other as it is.

Is that what you really want? Meanwhile, guys like you and me, maybe it is harder for us to make friends..... but when we do, we make REAL friends who are there for us (and in turn we for them) for life. We make friends who actually care. We make friends who want to enrich our lives, not use and abuse us.

We may find it harder to get dates or a significant other, but when we do we TRULY appreciate it. We truly work to show that appreciation and keep the relationship. And, hopefully, we find somebody who returns the appreciation.

So, you know what? Maybe "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" is a better example for you to look at then I thought. It is a GREAT example of how not to be as a human being. Mind you, I LOVE that show. But, if those characters were real people, I would NEVER want anything to do with them.