He Cheated, do i forgive or not?

[AmberH]

(Sorry if it's long)
We have been dating since April. Our relationship has been very good. A little bit of fighting, but nothing we couldn't sort out.
Yesterday he(23m) wanted to go to a neighboring town to have some drinks with his family. I(20f) was okay with that, but asked if he could stay and comfort me as I was quite sick.
He got annoyed and said "do you just want me to sit here while you're sick or what do you expect me to do" I kind of ignored the remark thinking he would of wanted to relax and watch a movie while I was feeling sick. Yanno just chill out.
Anyway, he just gets up and says "**** it I'm going" and left.
I was shocked, but didn't stop him.
Soon after I realized he left his phone at home, so I brought it back into my room. I stayed awake most of the night sick and waiting for him to get home. He didn't come home.

At About 9am somebody messages his phone and says "tell me" I replied "tell me what" to which he replied "did you sleep with my wife last night or what?"
I immediately replied and told him it was his girlfriend and asked what the hell went on last night. He told me my partners brother called him that morning and said he heard them.
About half a hour later; my partner walks in. I immediately ask him and he admitted he fooled around with this girl(this girl is married with 4 kids and i had helped her out by giving her some work at my workplace for that week before).

He kind of sat around my room for a hour listening to me cry and plead with him why. He couldn't give me an exact reason why except for "I don't know what I was doing" "I didn't mean it".
Now I'm absolutely shattered, the absolute last thing I would ever expect was him to cheat. He was never right into sex and I was the more sexual one in the relationship, so he was well taken care of so to speak.

That night he agreed to meet up with me and we sat and talked for a while. he is not the kind of person who can express his feelings very well, so he was very quiet.

It went okay, but we didn't come to any conclusion, i just wanted to talk with him because he is the only thing that can make me feel even the slightest bit better.

I was okay, keeping my cool, until i woke up last night imagining the scenario over in my head and re-creating what happened. i cant get it off my mind.
I messaged him and let my anger out. "Why would you do this? were you thinking of me? what did you do? did you have sex with her? was there not a single part of you who thought this was wrong?"
all he could say was he doesn't remember, i asked him if he slept with her because he said he "fooled around with her" he said he doesn't remember...

His Sister-in-law was the actual one who heard them. she noticed they left her party in the middle of the night. she got curious and walked to the girls house and went inside, where she heard them. She said my partner returned to the party a little while after that where they confronted him about it. she said they were only gone for about 15 minutes.

I have been all sorts of drunk, but never have i ever cheated or even been tempted by sexual desire.

I am lost. I Love him a lot. I believe this is the only time he has done it. He seems very sorry. but i just cant stop thinking about what happened. I want everything to be back how it was.

Can i forgive? Is it possible? Or should i move on and cut my losses? Have you been able to forgive and move on and everything be okay?

[breathe123]

If you can't trust him, don't go back or forgive, he did it because he wanted it, was a choice he made and he did it with someone you knew and work helped, awful and while you were sick and wanted him to stay with you. I think he showed you who he is, and it's not great.

[TablesandChairs]

It's a bit of a yawn, isn't it? 'Can't remember, I was drunk'. Sure. Does it excuse anything? No.

But you know what? He's not really that nice either way...you asked him to stay with you because you were sick. Now, he didn't have to agree to it - could have just said 'I really wanna go but will come back asap. Do you need anything before I go? Need anything that I can get on my way back?' or something...instead he got angry and walked out in a huff. Maybe because he didn't want to be stopped from doing what he did because for all you know, it could have been planned or there may have been something between them before.

Stay if you wish but at your age, I wouldn't stick around...it's only been a few months and your relationship has already hit the cheating stage.

[dickriculous]

(Sorry if it's long)
We have been dating since April. Our relationship has been very good. A little bit of fighting, but nothing we couldn't sort out.
Yesterday he(23m) wanted to go to a neighboring town to have some drinks with his family. I(20f) was okay with that, but asked if he could stay and comfort me as I was quite sick.
He got annoyed and said "do you just want me to sit here while you're sick or what do you expect me to do" I kind of ignored the remark thinking he would of wanted to relax and watch a movie while I was feeling sick. Yanno just chill out.
Anyway, he just gets up and says "**** it I'm going" and left.
I was shocked, but didn't stop him

This is as far as I got before I had to stop and ask myself "wtf does she see in this guy?" Didn't even make it to the cheating part.

[pcmaster]

Well females are emotional creatures and they need emotional support. Hes not very sensitive guy in this area. You are old enough to decide you are better with him or without.
Basically what I see here is young female who hasnt had much experience with guys and thats why shes forgiving and nice to the guy who acts opposite.

What I suggest is dont forgive cheating this time. Because it wasnt accident - guy is older and smarter and knew what he are doing. Keep your honour and better stay single for a few months than with that thing.

Girl I know it takes power but better leave than get addicted to the drama. This is not love anymore but addiction to drama. Talk with your friends about this and see what they suggest. If you can tell parents or get counseling. That will help a lot too.

You are not alone. Dont act like a victim because everything is in your hands now. You decide what to do with your life. Also check this -


loveforum.net/the-relationship-news-and-articles/85672-guide-deal-breakup.html

Check also the good videos I looked up for you

Real social dynamics - Julien
youtube.com/watch?v=GdnYedTpToA

youtube.com/watch?v=KriZHsiiYPg

How to deal with a bad breakup
youtube.com/watch?v=K8Exlo4E5v8

[AmberH]

Thanks for your support and guidance guys.

I have thought about everything. I truly believe it wasnt planned. but i guess i would never know.
He is not very good with expressing his emotions, he is awful at telling me his feelings and such.

I am very hurt. and it was suggested that SOME couples can move past this kind of stuff. i have told him that he needs to prove to me that he is truly sorry and show me why i should choose him and not somebody new.
He cant even tell me if he actually cheated or not because he 'was soo drunk'
Personally, i have never been in that stat, so i cant speak for the truth behind being soo drunk you dont know what you are doing and cant remember.
I asked his sister in law if he was really that drunk, and she said he could hardly stand up.

So its a very crappy situation.
I have given him a second chance, through all the hurt because i want to try and salvage our relationship(i have been in long term relationships before 3-4 years).
I have never been cheated on before, so it will either wither away at me until i cant take it anymore and leave him because i truly know i cant deal with it. OR i will be able to move past it and move forward. If he abuses the chance again, thats it.

He has assured me he will get his life in order and prove to me that he is sorry. Everybody knows what he did, so he is living with a lot of shame at the moment so there is also outside pressure for him to get himself together.

Have i made the wrong decision?

[pcmaster]

[MENTION=78194]AmberH[/MENTION] time will show if you made right decision. You are right you might never get over this even if he becomes a better man and everything seems right. Second chance was more for him than you. He might say he loves you and say he will change. But look at his actions not words. I have always given this advice about guys.

Anyway good luck. Hope everything works out for you. If not with this fella then with other.

[michelle23]

Your only together 7 months so i didn't bother reading past the first paragraph. If you were together 7 years than i would have read your story and seen if there was any hope for your relationship but if hes cheating after such a short time together-he will do this continuously if you stay with him. Dump him and move on

[surfhb]

Oh brother! Spare us the sob story sister!

You've only been dating since April.

Print this thread out and put it in a safe place....when you're older and mature you'll surely have a good laugh!

Have some backbone and be a grown woman for Christ sakes!

I mean, Come on. He doesn't communicate well and left you when you were sick after you asked him to stay. These are the actions of a boy who is not mature enough for a relationship.

This is Life 101 material girl !

[Leialoha1975]

Yup... You made the wrong decision by keeping him in your life.

I don't care if I was with someone for 7 months or 7 years! Cheating is cheating and unforgivable.

[lissa]

Yes, you made the wrong decision. He's still lying to you saying he doesn't remember anything because he was "soo drunk." You know he's lying to you too, right? I can tell by the way you wrote that that deep down you don't buy his drunk excuse. Also, when you think about it, isn't it such a HUGE coincidence that the ONE time he cheats, he happened to have left his phone in your house for you to discover? Do you really think that this is the only time something like this has happened? My guess would be that he does it all the time, and this was just your first chance to catch him.

I think it's very important that the first time you are cheated on, you get this guy out of your life immediately. Otherwise, you will be in a relationship where you do not trust him (because you shouldn't, honestly) and this will carry into future relationships where the guy does deserve trust, but you find you cannot give it to him. Better to end things now than to become someone with serious trust issues.

[anya_may21]

I wouldn't have forgiven him and taken him back, he will think you have given him a free pass to cheat again because you want him so much there is nothing you won't forgive.

He comes off as very thoughtless and self involved. Find a man one who loves you so much he wouldn't think of cheating and if he wanted to he would break up first not go and do it behind your back whilst you are ill.

[woody]

MOVE ON. He may have come clean (not that he had a choice with his hand in the cookie jar) but his lame excuses, "i don't know, I didn't mean it, I don't remember" come on, grow a spine. who can't remember something like this, drunk or not, lame.
So sorry your going through this. You must be careful to NOT get jaded. Not all men are like this though right now, this may be hard to believe but not all men/people do this.

your man may be sweet all in all but between ditching you when you were sick to cheating on you while you were sick is the act of a spineless, no balled dink.
Cut your losses. You deserve better. No rose tinted glasses here.

hope your feeling better. Now you just need a real good man.

Hey Amber, the trust has been broken. Something like this is too hard to come back from and often cannot be achieved. You are so young with your whole World ahead of you. The fact he left you when you were sick, even if he hadn't cheated, well, red flag right there lady. He left you to fend for yourself and then took some girl for his 15 minutes of major screw up time. You don't deserve this. F, no one does.
But lady, speaking as one who's been cheated on around the same age as you, be careful about that jaded thing. I got jaded. I still get suspicious now from time to time though there is no justifiable cause;this, is due to being cheated on long ago. Please remember, the World is filled with honest, loyal and good men; you just picked someone who is weak in these ways. In no way is that a reflection or in no way are his actions anything to do with anything you did or didn't do okay? What he did is on him, not you and don't you forget it.
If you give him another chance you will always be wondering if he's being faithful or not and this is no way to spend one's 20's, or any other age.
best of luck to you

[breathe123]

Why the hell did you take this d-bag back? he's crowing to his BBFs on this now. Get out of this relationship.

[pcmaster]

I think OP is long gone guys. The thread is old.

Lets just forgive the guy