Break up sex?

[the_xenocide]

I'm not really sure if this should be posted in the Intimate section or the Break Up advice section, but here we are. Anybody out there have any thoughts on, or experience with break-up sex? My ex and I are still in the "process" of breaking up, meaning we are ending things but we still live together. Since there are kids involved, there are a lot of factors that go in to breaking up besides just the decision to do so, including job changes, moving, figuring out school stuff, etc. Without going too much into detail about why we're splitting up I'll just sum it up by saying she had an affair. However, I'm not holding a grudge. Life is too short to spend all your time hating somebody for the mistakes they made. And since she's genuinely remorseful, it's easy to let go of. However, I'm not about to set myself up to get hurt like that again, so we are breaking up. But we've been getting along really well the last three weeks or so since we talked about all this. In fact, in some ways we are getting along better now that we're breaking up than we did for the last year or so of our relationship.

Which brings me to my issue. My heart and brain know that it's best to end things with her, but my penis didn't get the memo. To put it bluntly, even though we're breaking up and I've accepted that and am okay with it, the fact is she's still hot as hell and I still want to grab her, throw her down on the bed, and have hot passionate sex with her. Which is kind of surprising given the fact that we have not had sex in a VERY long time.

So, is there anybody out there who can help me out with this? Have you been in a similar situation? What did you do? Is there a way that she and I can still get our rocks off together without it complicating the relationship? And if so, how do I even approach that subject with her?

Thanks

[lovebroken]

Why not still have sex, does she still want you that way too, or one sided sexual desire, if both are available and both want it? Make sure you actually want to break up though, not get back together, and see if she is okay being a FWB.

[Starnique]

My ex and I still had sex after we broke up and i felt like it kept us connected in some way which wasn't cool for several reasons. We have a daughter and so we still speak but It was easy for us to just do it from time to time. It was hard for both of us to separate the feelings from the sex after while. Caused a lot of problems and in the end wasn't worth it.

To each it's own but if it's over. That's it. At this point, if we done you're not getting the benefit of nothing.

[michelle23]

Why not get couples counselling, see if there is anything left worth fighting for if your still living in the same house, have kids, still have sex and i assume there are still feelings?

Its not fair to your kids to act like too immature teenagers being on and off, moving out, coming back for sex.. its all or nothing. It has to be when you have children. They come first. This whole mess is already so destructive to their emotional wellbeing. Don't make it any more confusing and hurtful to them.

[the_xenocide]

Its not fair to your kids to act like too immature teenagers being on and off, moving out, coming back for sex.

If we were to have sex, it's not like I was gonna tell the kids about it...

And we wouldn't be on and off. We are off. But we would like to still be friends.

My concern is simply whether or not it would be a bad idea, knowing that we are in fact breaking up. We are going to continue seeing each other because we do have kids, and I'm not about to make those kids grow up the way I did, knowing my parents couldn't stand the sight of each other. And sex would not be a long term thing. Obviously eventually we'll both meet other people and move on from that.

[basilandthyme]

Given that you haven't had sex together for a long time, why do you think there may be an option for starting to have sex now?

[michelle23]

Its still confusing for them one minute your not together, the next they see you guys flirt a little or show some affection and it gives them false hope.

Anyway its always a bad idea to carry on any sort of relationship or intimacy after a break up. You both need closure, distance, time to heal and move on.

[the_xenocide]

Given that you haven't had sex together for a long time, why do you think there may be an option for starting to have sex now?

I don't necessarily think that. It's not something I'm going to pursue, I'm more just wondering what I should do IF it comes up. Since we still have to live together for a while and we do get along well, I'm just thinking you never know. So I want to be prepared if it does come up.

[anya_may21]

Might be better to go your own ways sexually, if she is hot I am sure other guys have eyed her already and she wants new experiences now being single, and something you should want for yourself too.