Help me decode this guy's mixed signals.

[meltedsnow]

I met my boyfriend through an online language exchange program. I was learning spanish and he wanted to improve his english. We had so much fun talking with each other. It was the only thing that we both looked forward to everyday. We talked for hours, sometimes even for 12 hours straight! In a span of months, our friendship developed into infatuation and to love. Eventually, he traveled to the Philippines to finally meet me and I took him to nice places in my country. It was like a honeymoon and the passion blossomed into a baby boy. I couldn't work yet because it is hard to find a trustworthy childminder in my country where kidnapping is rampant so, we agreed that I stay home and take care of our baby full time and that he is going to send me financial support every month. He has been supporting me even during my pregnancy because the doctor advised me to go on bed rest which made us decide to let go of my job. There were some months when he didn't send me money because he went into some work problems but I managed just fine. Yes, he is still sending me financial support. It didn't matter that the budget he allocates is sometimes not enough, I never asked him for more or questioned him, I just accept whatever he sends me and find other means to add what was lacking. One time, I was crying my eyes out to my sister because I desperately wanted to go back to work and it did not help having to hear my sister tell me that the money that my boyfriend has been sending me is too modest and that she know of some filipinos working in Dubai who sends at least 20 thousand pesos every month to their families back here and to think that these filipinos are only earning dirhams and my boyfriend is earning euros! I answered back saying that he is sending me more than what she thinks. I just don't think it is fair to compare although I know that she has a point but I never raised the issue with my boyfriend. I just continued to accept whatever budget he gives me to work with and I send him back receipts so he knows how the money was spent. I didn't want my sister or anyone to think that my boyfriend is stingy because I believe that he is doing his best. He traveled back here when our baby was 2 months old but only for a week as it is the maximum vacation time he can have with his new job. You could say that things escalated too quickly in our relationship but there's no use in dwelling on it now.

So now, we are in a long distance relationship. My problem is that he never seems to initiate anything to bridge the distance. It is always me who reaches out to him. If I stop doing it, he can go on not talking to me for days. When we talk, he is often emotionally distant and constantly stressed about work which probably explains his foul mood. There were times when I got so upset at him that I forced myself not to contact him but whenever I resolved to swallow my pride and give in and talk to him about my feelings, he doesn't really respond much, he conveniently chalks it up to work stress. His immediate family is aware about our relationship and that he has a baby with me but I am concerned about his hesitation in letting some people in his life know about us like his relatives, some friends and his ex-girlfriend of 4 years. He reasons that he doesn't want to hurt his family as relatives can get really judgmental about our union. And he doesn't want to hurt his ex-girlfriend which he said is still his friend. I tried to understand it but the pain is there, I just chose not to feel it. So, that is the reason why my status in social media remains single and I have to treat with caution the things I post publicly. I know it is just social media but my heart feels heavy when I think about it. At one point, he tells me that he has friends telling him about horror stories of Europeans and Americans who were taken advantaged by filipino gold diggers. I know they are only concerned about my boyfriend but it isn't right to stereotype race. I think that nothing is more exhausting than to pretend to love someone. I'd rather struck my own gold than having to rely on one person all my life. I don't need him to save me, it is not saving that I need, all I wanted was a loving husband and a good father to my child. I am afraid that he probably does not want to be that person, it is hard to tell because he gives me mixed signals. Maybe I am overthinking and overreacting, I don't know what to make of it anymore. During one of our conversations, I asked him how he feels for me and I begged for his honesty. He tells me that he loves me crazily and I am important to him but I feel that they are just empty words. I told him that if he thinks that sending money is enough, then he is mistaken because I look to him as the man I love, the person I see when I close my eyes and not an ATM. Last month, I subscribed to a service that would enable him to call me with the same rate of calling a spain number. The subscription was for a month but the month ended and he never called me. I let it slide because I don't want to feel worse than what I have been feeling. Just recently, I asked him if I can call him in Facebook and he said, he doesn't have a headset with microphone for his PC. I thought that was reasonable so I told him to call me on my phone instead and he responded by saying that it is crazily expensive. I walked out from the conversation because I could only take so much excuses so here I am, hoping to find advice from people who can look at the situation from a different angle. Please shed some light on my situation. Thank you.

[Leialoha1975]

I have no problem telling you that you need to move on and take care of you and your child. Since he makes so many excuses ... like not having head sets to talk to you on facebook. Really what an asshole! What PC is made now that doesn't have those features?!!!

From your post it seems to me that you already see all the signs. Empty responses to your feelings... not calling you? Yup you feel it.
Try this... Don't be available for him and don't seek him out, if he wants to talk to you or see you he will have to make the first step. If he doesn't even try then you got your answer.

Good luck to you!

[meltedsnow]

I have no problem telling you that you need to move on and take care of you and your child. Since he makes so many excuses ... like not having head sets to talk to you on facebook. Really what an asshole! What PC is made now that doesn't have those features?!!!

From your post it seems to me that you already see all the signs. Empty responses to your feelings... not calling you? Yup you feel it.
Try this... Don't be available for him and don't seek him out, if he wants to talk to you or see you he will have to make the first step. If he doesn't even try then you got your answer.

Good luck to you!

Hi leialoha. Thank you for taking the time to read my post, i know that was long. I totally appreciate the response. I feel the support, thank you!

[Wakeup]

I suspect that you'll wonder where he disappeared to in no time at all so you'd do well to find a reputable baby sitter and start earning your own money to care for you and your child. Can your sister not babysit for you? If she works, who looks after her children?

You're lucky you're getting anything from him. More then enough would have just abandoned you and your child.

Is this story made up?
Do people really do such foolish things as think they've fallen in love with complete strangers only to have unprotected sex with them at first site, end up preggers and then suffer the end result of such frivolity?

Do bears poop in the woods?