What does he mean by he is not in love?

[ohso]

Hi guys! I hope you can help me a bit?
Why would a guy tell his long term gf while things are going great that he is not in love with her but not planning to dump her and not planning to marry her neither?
Where do I stand with him?

[Archie]

Don't know your backstory, but from your words seems like you are his ****buddy, a long-term one at that. And it means exactly what it says, we are simple creatures, we say what we mean, even if we apologize afterwards and try to take our words back.
You should probably start thinking of a good plan to punish that butthat and dump him.

[Wakeup]

Hi guys! I hope you can help me a bit?
Why would a guy tell his long term gf while things are going great that he is not in love with her but not planning to dump her and not planning to marry her neither?
Where do I stand with him?

You stand right where he plainly said you do. You'll do for now but don't expect a ring or a husband from him.

Are you even exclusive or is he dawging around when he's not with you? I'd quickly start distancing myself from him If I were you. You can wean yourself off of him by not always being available when he calls, going out with your gurlzzz whenever possible and particularly keeping your own options open to meeting other men if your end goal is to marrying a man that loves you.

How old are the two of you?

[ohso]

Thanks.
I don't expect a ring, I want commitment.
He says he's not cheating.
I am keeping my options open to the man who will love me though because I don't understand where do I stand.
He acts like he loves me but says he isn't in love. It seems like we're in a nice relationship but when he talk about us it looks like we're **** buddies, even though he never used that label.
We're in our mid 30'.

[Wakeup]

I asked in your other thread about the same subject: "Do you live with him?"

[ohso]

Yes, I wanted to hear a male perspective too.
We live together for about 8 years.

[Wakeup]

Then what is the issue? You love him, He loves you, he's not looking to be with anyone else, he's good to you, you live as husband and wife. That IS what commitment with someone you love and who loves you looks like.

I'd not worry when he says "he loves you but he's not in love with you." All that usually means is what silly people think when the new relationship energy wears off and that initial intensity is no longer upfront and present.

You shouldn't feel either resentment or insecurity because you're happy to be with him and he's not going anywhere but back home to you after work.

[ohso]

Thank you.
That's what I think too.
It's just that I'm insecure by nature and have some trust issues he might leave or cheat if he is not in love because he says he misses being in love a lot and is not happy.
I feel bad because I don't make him truly happy even though I try.

I also feel stupid because I'm still in love so it feels unrequited. Our relationship seems sort of fake because it looks perfect but we don't feel the same.

I don't know is there anything I can do but be patient?

[Wakeup]

Thank you.
That's what I think too.
It's just that I'm insecure by nature and have some trust issues he might leave or cheat if he is not in love because he says he misses being in love a lot and is not happy.
I feel bad because I don't make him truly happy even though I try.

I also feel stupid because I'm still in love so it feels unrequited. Our relationship seems sort of fake because it looks perfect but we don't feel the same.

I don't know is there anything I can do but be patient?

"He misses being in love a lot and is not happy." He misses new relationship energy, not "being in love" Frankly, he sounds quite depressed and that he finds it difficult to be happy in general not that he's not happy with YOU. Is he generally an unhappy individual? Without motivation, perhaps?

[ohso]

I wouldn't say depressed and unmotivated, but generally somewhat unhappy individual. He seems happy to me when he's with his friends for example or with me, but when he talks about it he's not really happy.
Thank you Wakeup. I guess I should just be calm and not worry?

[Wakeup]

Yes because anything other then calm and not worrying about it is just futile and a waste of your good energy.