I'm scared my boyfriend is going to disappoint me on my 28th birthday

[shortyrock]

My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year. He's a wonderful man, I love and trust him dearly, and we have a baby boy on the way which we are both very excited about. He is my best friend and I have no doubts that he is the man for me. He's always struggled with money, but ever since moving into his new living arrangment, literally all of his money goes directly to bills. There are even days when he can not eat because of having to make sure he makes rent and putting money aside for the baby. This is very hard on him, and because he is such a good man and so good to me, I don't have a problem picking up the tab for food or for little things here and there. He always says thank you and shows appreciation and rarely asks, I offer. He works two jobs and works very hard.

My funds are also tight, but I always seem to find a way to have money to help him out. For his birthday in the summer, I didn't go over the top because of said money issues, but I spent about $100 total on a small gifts, a cake, and taking him to dinner. I put thought into it and made sure even if I couldn't get him everything I wanted to, that I made him feel special.

Now, my boyfriend has never disappointed me in the past. He got me small Christmas presents last year while we were still courting, did a great job for Valentine's Day, and even got me a small gift on Easter. He even used to surprise me with flowers here and there. But, this was all before he was thrust into his current living situation. All that has stopped.

My concern started last night while we were eating dinner (that I made for him). I mentioned that I couldn't believe my birthday was only 1 week away already. He seemed to get uncomfortable and said very seriously "I really don't know what you're expecting. I don't have any money and I never have time to go anywhere." My heart totally sank. Not wanting to sound like a brat, I said that I wasn't concerned about a gift, just as long as he could make my day special. I had to fight to the urge to cry.

The reason my heart sank is because he's asked me multiple times for months what I wanted for my birthday and even had me pick something specfic out. Nothing expensive or crazy. And last week he made a big deal saying "Sweetie I have so many things planned for you, and you have no idea!". I got all excited and asked when I would find out, and he said, "Some soon, some not so soon." I automatically assumed "soon" was my birthday. I don't want to sound like a brat, but I'm always the one footing the bill and going out of my way doing small things for him and my birthday would be a perfect time to show me his appreciation. Especially since I figured out a way to do that on his birthday. I mean, he's known about my birthday for year. We started courting literally right after my birthday last year.

I'm especially worried because I've been in this situation before where I've dated men who don't have much money and I ended up completely let down after doing things for them.

I understand if he can't buy me a gift, but I was completely upset by "I don't know what you expect." That made it sound like he's expecting to not do anything special at all? And what was all that talk ofhim planning special things I'm going to find out "soon"? Or the point of making me choose a gift?

And no, I really dont think he said that to "throw me off" or trick me. He seemed upset.

He's always been so thoughtful, I never expected a comment like that out of him.

Thoughts?

[Bayleen]

I understand how you feel. I would say to tell him how you feel-- not argue, not accuse him of anything, but just say that you're kind of disappointed and maybe even offer him suggestions what he could do for you that don't require a bunch of money. Communication is key.
But at the same time, understand where he's coming from- and I'm sure you do.
Good luck.

[evie jay]

If you have a baby on the way, why don't both of you move in together, that way there's on one lot of rent, bills etc a week....instead of 2 lots...going to make it easier on both of you