Baggage vs intuition

[Evelyn1891]

I just need to write this. And maybe get some advice. Opinions. Similar stories. I don't know. I need to write.

I've been seeing a man for 7 weeks. Our first date lasted 15 hours. We slept together. Each additional date was as long. In the last 2-3 weeks I've practically been living at his place. I've met most of his friends. His ex wife knows about me. His two kids spend a lot of time with us and love me and vise versa. I told him on date 1 I couldn't handle him seeing or sleeping with anyone else. He agreed.

His past. It's a little checkered. Can't get into it all here but he was in 3 long term relationships where he says he didn't cheat PHYSICALLY. emotionally, digitally, yes. Divorced once. Another marriage annuled. Between long term relationships he's dated A LOT of women. A lot of ****ing gorgeous women. Models. Actresses. A lot.

I am cute. Don't get me wrong. I'm attractive. In a school girl Snow White kinda way. Id make an excellent wife. A great mother. I am in no way similar to the slew of his recent women. He's made comments on how much he loves my tiny waist. Which you'd think
Is a compliment but it makes me
Worried he won't love me if it
Gets bigger. And I'm at a thinner point in my life. I'm becoming paranoid to eat. But that's my crazy not his right?

He is near professing love. He talks about the future. He tells me he adores me and how beautiful I am every day. It really seems sincere. He is one of the kindness sweetest men I've ever met. He treats me like a princess.

But I still can't shake the fact I'm afraid he loves me because of timing. Because I'm kind. Because I'm great w kids. But I can't help be worried he's gonna eventually find someone who looks more like his "ideal". I've mostly said this to him. And he assures me all the past women were gross swallow women who all ran together and I'm
Special etc.

I've been seriously lied to and cheated on in the past. Am I just paranoid because of MY issues? Or are they gut instincts that I should be listening to? It's really hard to tell the difference. But I don't wanna be a cold closed off human. He seems special. I want this to work.

There are other silly issues: he's a bit of a mess. More than a bit. I couldn't live in his current apt. He's on his phone and social media A LOT and I get paranoid. Kids are sweet but certainly add a lot of issues to a relationship. He's a social media junkie and has put up no pictures of us. Could this be because we haven't discussed that? Or is that a red flag? I am positive his close friends know about me. I've met them. Also, he's a serious outgoing flirt. He knows this has sabatoged past relationships but it's who he is and he swears on a bible he's never cheated on a partner. But it makes me Insecure anyway. But I don't wanna be a crazy girl. I like that he's outgoing and makes friends with everybody. Everybody. I can't say, "be nice to ugly old people only".

Anyway. This relationship is moving fast. And I'm not 20. And I want kids. So I'm ok and happy with that. But I havent been able to return his near professions of love. I think I'm too afraid I'm gonna totally give in and he's gonna disappear and I'll lose it.

When were together, I'm
Happy and calm. As soon as I'm away, I'm a nervous wreck. He's done nothing to make me feel this way. And I've asked him a million times if he's got any sort of female situations going on, flirtatious, anything. And he swears no. He'd have to be satan to be lying. Or the best liar on the planet. But still, I have an uneasy feeling.

This is the longest post ever. So thank you if you've actually read it all. PS, if it matters, he's 36. Im 33. Should I just let go of my past, stop
Looking at his social media, trust him, let go and enjoy the ride? And if I get hurt, so be it? Maybe my hesitations are my own baggage and not "women's intuition"?

I want this to work. I think he might be a serious catch. I don't wanna **** it up. But I'm paranoid he'll cheat. I'm paranoid I'm not enough, physically.

He's begged me to be open and honest and I am but I don't wanna be that "crazy" girl. He said "I'm falling in love with you" tonight and I couldn't respond. Not because I'm not falling for him...but I just couldn't say anything.

What to do.

[woody]

dear snow white,

your over thinking things my dear. You really like this man and are now caught up in the whirlwind of falling in love which comes with its very own set of feelings.
Your going to have to trust him. I advice you to stop searching the social media stuff as it will only drive you crazy. Be the proud confident woman you truly are and know your self worth as this will shine through.
Let things happen naturally. Don't allow your past trauma's to reach you now; you've already given it enough of your time and it has no place for you here now.

Your falling in love; this is a good thing. Enjoy it, go eat and stop second guessing yourself, please.

Your special to him and don't forget it.

[BeeMcGee]

Dear Snow White,
If there is one thing I have learned, it's to NEVER, I repeat, NEVER ignore your intuition. If your gut feeling tells you something is not right, then PAY ATTENTION!
And remember this, people are who they are, people do not change. There is a reason he has several past relationships that did not work. Either people "grow" and learn from their mistakes, or they continue to make the same stupid ones. Either way, you should also "know" your worth, and if you are feeling "less" than what you are because of him, it's best to keep it moving. A good relationship makes you feel comfortable, not anxious or bad. Think about it.

[Wakeup]

You've known him 7 fking weeks. You DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO HE IS, he doesn't know who you are and he's already introduced you to his children which is rather dysfunctional in itself. He's been married and divorced/annulled/separated three times. Why can't he get it right? I'd say because he jumps into bullshit with women he barely even knows and finds out later that it was a mistake. That's a personality that is issued and you are just as issued if you let yourself get carried away like you are in a seven week period.

Your intuition is telling you exactly what I just wrote above and its no wonder you're angst ridden.

Do yourself a service and back off a bit and stop the insanity. You can get to know him without ingratiating yourself into his children's lives. The chances (at this point) are very very high that you will be the next woman that comes into their young lives and then disappears when their father's particular brand of relationship crazy surfaces.

That's child abuse.

... And NO. You are not going to have to automatically trust him. Trust comes with actions showing you that you can trust him... It's not automatic in the least.

Step out of the situation and slow the fk down. 7 WEEKS ... it's ridiculous how you're allowing him to sweep you down stream in his current.

- - - Updated - - -

P.S. Emotional cheating is STILL CHEATING and his cyber proclivities are a HUGE red flag. You'd do well to contact his ex'S and find out why they are so.

For someone who is online so much you'd think he'd be proud to display his status with you... Instead he hides you so he can continue to play... or so it seems.

He's begged me to be open and honest

Then be so and tell him that you don't want him to continue his online addictions to having the attention of other women and that you want him to delete all his profiles except facebook wherein he claims his relationship status as in a relationship with you. If he acquiesces then you have yourself a someone who is trustworthy as indicated by his actions to you. If he won't do that then that tells you a completely different story.

Instead of being too afraid to lose him so you don't say a thing why not be too afraid to get with another asshole and start being afraid NOT to say things.

[woody]

Hey, what's so wrong with falling for someone quickly? You know it happens sometimes. Am I being stupid again with my fan of romance thing?
Did I give her bad advice regarding this guy? What, aside from his social media craze is so bad about him?
and why do you (W.U) think introducing her to his kids was too soon and some kind of red flag?

O.P
If I gave bad advice, well then I apologize. I suppose the only people who truly know the scoop here is you and him.

[Wakeup]

Woody.. Its very disconcerting to his children to get used and even starting to love someone who then is taken out of their life. This man has had three wives already. What do you think that is teaching his children about relationships in general? It's abuse to have different mommies coming and going... they grieve just as much as adults do when a relationship they've had with someone comes to and end and THAT is why its not smart to introduce your children to any new partner until both are sure that it's going to last and it's hardly conducive to discovering that when you're still snap dab in the middle of the honeymoon period and all is rose coloured. As you can see, the shine is already coming off of him to this op.

His "social media craze IS a problem. He's cheated before while online flirting. If he was a serious contender for being a better man he'd give up that shit so he's not tempted again. He has AN ADDICTION to it. As "Bee" put it: People either learn from their mistakes and don't repeat them or they don't and they continue to be the douche's they've proved themselves to be. Sadly he's the latter.

As for "bad" advice? I'll not comment on that but to say that TRUST is earned and he has not yet earned it. 7 Weeks is NOT enough time to show her in actions that he's trustworthy. It just isn't. He's cheated emotionally and digitally and he's still at the computer doing what he's always done. Pffft.

As for what else is wrong with him? Re-read the opening post: He's a sloppy person, he flirts, he's a womanizer, he's had emotional affairs, he's cheated digitally. He swears he's never cheated on a partner but he's had emotional affairs and digital one's so THAT IS CHEATING and he's still on the computer doing what he's always done... with NO mention of his relationship status as being in a relationship.\\

Red, red, red flags and none of them have anything to do with the Op's fear that he'll lose interest in her if she gains a pound. He's just not good long term relationship material PERIOD.