Cruel twist of fate by my flirtatious man or blessing in disguise?

[Jahna]

My man and I went on a very special holiday abroad, it was a present for my birthday and Christmas.

He had introduced me to all of his family in England and then took me for a holiday and also to meet the family members who live abroad.

Our first week was lovely, we went out and one evening, he even held my hand - he does not like public displays of affection and when we got back, he asked if I was happy and I said I was.

The next week, we went on a minibus tour for a few days. On the tour was a single "blonde bombshell". When we were on the minibus, he stuck a sticker on her bare arm and I felt a bit uncomfortable as ever after that, his eyes always seemed to be looking around to see where she was. I told him that he should have stuck the sticker on me not her since it seemed a bit too friendly.

The next day they spent time having coffee together as neither wanted to do what the group was doing. When he and I saw each other again, he seemed either cross or distant.

People on the tour were beginning to notice as one woman said that she didn't think that we as a couple had spent much time alone together, she seemed to be hinting that there always seemed to be a third person in the background.

The following evening, the blonde asked my man if he and I would like to join her and the tour guide for supper. He said yes. I didn't feel entirely at ease with this but since everyone else had gone off to dine elsewhere, felt obliged to go. When at supper, the blonde finished her mussels and my man said "bet you feel sexy now don't you". I could hardly finish my meal, there was a silence, no-one seemed to say much after this. I think that was really over the top.

The last evening, she was going to sit next to my man for the group meal, but I put my foot down, it was just too much, so a lovely couple sat next to him and the woman nodded at me and I said, "you know don't you" and she answered yes and nodded.

My man was a bit snappy with me after that and next day, we left the group to spend our last couple of days alone at a beautiful country house, it should have been idyllic but we rowed about the blonde and he seemed agitated most of the time and not happy.

We flew back and he said he had had a really special time and thanked me for a wonderful holiday and didn't contact me again after leaving me at the station.

I sent him a special gift to thank him for the holiday, which in itself was lovely and he took time to reply as he didn't get it for a couple of days. He said he felt that I had not thanked him properly and that we should let the dust settle because we had rubbed each other up the wrong way and that we should remain friends.

He said that he did not like possessive women, but I think he flirted way too much and took a genuine fancy to the blonde and that my feelings were understandable.

What do you think?

Should I have said nothing and sat and watched him flirting?

Should I have gone home early?

Is this just a twist of fate and he met someone he liked more?

Or did I just take it all too seriously?

[woody]

To bring his lady on a trip for couples only to then overly flirt with a single flirtatious 'bombshell' as you say is just poor form.
Even if he truly believes he wasn't over the top in his flirtatious vibes, once he knew you were uncomfy with it, he ought to have been considerate of you and he was not.
His lame excuse, "I don 't like possessive women" is a cop out.

If I were you I'd say good bye to this one and tell him good luck growing a spine.

He knew you were uncomfortable with his over the top flirtations and yet he still did it. There's your red flag.

[Jahna]

Thank you so much for your reply.

I have given it all a great deal of thought and thinking back to what he told me, he was unfaithful to his longstanding wife, three times and it seems that every time someone gets too close, he backs off.

I am much clearer now in my mind and although I am terribly hurt, I think I will just keep my eyes open for someone more honest.

Thank you again Woody.

[pcmaster]

Your story seems like nightmare. After everything that happened I hope your Christmas will be lovely.

[Jahna]

Thank you pcmaster.

I am still shell shocked by the whole thing.

I hope by Christmas that it is all going to start being in my past.

Filling my life with good things right now though

[woody]

Good on You Jahna; yes, if he has a history of stepping out, why waste precious time on one unworthy of a loyal loving lady right? Right.
You know, it doesn't mean he's a 'bad' person (or that you choose the wrong men) It simply means he's really good at fooling both himself and the one he courts.
'Players' are really good at tricking a pure heart. Next time, take your time and take things in stride. Never give your power away.
Hope you meet a good 'one woman kind of guy' next time who knows how to treat a lady right.

[michelle23]

Forget about him. He has given you every red flag to run and find a man you can trust. You don't need a man like this who is so disrespectful to you and emotionally abusive. You can do better. Hes a cheat and he has the audacity to do it right in front of you and humiliate you around others too. This shows complete narcissism and a real lack of empathy. What an asshole.

Move on

[Jahna]

Thank you for your support Michelle and Woody.

Yes I do feel humiliated and emotionally abused. Not only was he flirty but he snapped at me in front of the other guests at dinner.

He has contacted me since we split and wants to remain friends. I was polite when he called but have offered no encouragement and since his previous girlfriend chose not to remain friends, I think that might be a big clue for me too.

I am quite numb and still shocked at his behaviour.

[LittleFox]

Hey Jahna,

This is RED, burning bright flags all over the place. It is really UNBELIEVABLE!!!!! that he can be so cynical and make you the 'bad guy'. Possessive woman??? Had not thank him enough??? How about him being a disrespectful douche???
To say plain and simple: he completely and utterly disrespected you. He does not deserve even one smile, thank you, a gift. NOTHING.
Find a man that respects you, loves you, adores you, gives you attention, treats you with care. And you can give the same. Diss anyone who even comes close to the current man (hopefully ex already). Don't settle for anything less.

XO

[katyk]

Ditto what everyone else says. It was so disrespectful of him...... and her. Leave him to his blonde bombshell. Ditch him unceremoniously! He doesn't deserve any explanation. Friends? who needs him? Certainly not you. You will get over him and find someone who will treat you with the love and respect you deserve.

[woody]

^yup, indubitably. And may I add, this bombshell (I bet her hair came from a bottle) and being a natural blonde myself, I always tend to stick up for the stereotype but my point is this; She too behaved badly.

I think I speak for most of us when I say, as a woman, we would never swoop in and flirt with a spoken for man, let alone join them for dinner. I find this so disrespectful, so very disrespectful....

Just don't get jaded Jhana or think all blondies are naughty because we are not. Well, not in that way. tehehe.
By golly, if some woman did that to me I'd follow her to the bathroom and give her what for. but that's me. Uber protective over my sweet man; then again, he'd never put me in that position.
May you find a worthy partner. Protect your heart dear lady; someone worthy will find you.

[lovebroken]

I think you were very restrained in your reactions and he should appreciate how restrained you were, and apologized to you profusely. But he was doing what he wanted to do and some people like that only see you spoiling their good time not how they are acting is wrong and hurting you. If was me I would have left early, and he could have at her, I am sure she wouldn't have kept contact with him after just a fling for her, no real interest. How long were you dating each other before this incident?

[smackie9]

It's obvious he is clueless about boundaries and seems so self entitled to just act on his desires.....seriously he has no clue. History speaks for itself. Don't date guys with a dishonest, cheating history. Guys like him don't deserve the benefit of a doubt.

[Jahna]

Well, thank you Littlefox, katyk, lovebroken and smackie9, and yes Woody, definitely a bottled blonde!

He told me that even if he had been interested he wasn't after he found out she was a smoker, an admission on his part though I don't think he even realised what he said! Idiot.

Still, the experience at first hand has at least shown me what to look out for, highlighted as red flags by you all, thank you so much.

Have a lovely Christmas everyone