not sure ....it's it her not being enough or is it me?

[overanxious]

OK so a little over 2 years ago a relationship ended with someone with some bpd/npd....it had many highs and lows ....great moments and intensity....it didn't end perfectly the way I'd hoped it would if it was foing to end....it may have left me a little bitter

Somewhere about a year later I met a friend through a male friend...the 3 of us hung out together frequently and had alot of fun...and eventually this girl developed a liking towards me and asked me to hang out just the two of us on occasion...and weve been going and having fun pretty much ever since....we often do things couples do but I've always been careful not to really go too far and too freQuent...

We go out and people think we're dating...servers at restaurants will tell us that we should be and that were funny and too cute.., that we argue like an old married couple ....in general I feel pretty comfortable and know I can be myself....even the occasional obnoxious and annoying self lol....over the course of time she's made several little pushes and suggestions that we go on an "official" date....and I just kind of brush it off....at first it was easier because I could say I need more time and whatever but as time has wore on that's not a good excuse

A little over a week ago I think she decided to make a last ditch effort and asked me to hang out and get some dinner....I don't think it went as well as she hoped for and when we went out for drinks after dinner she wanted to call it an early night pretty quickly

FF to last night and at 2 am makes a fb post about what an amazing night she had and how she's a "happy girl" and how she hadforgotten what a "real first date was like"...ya a little jab to my gut I guess....then today one of those e cards "when u stop chasing the wrong things you give the right things a chance to catch you"....haha ouch

I really wish I could have given myself to her and been what she needed....I just don't think it's there for me....sometimes I can't tell if it's just not there with her and I'm looking for a little more or if even if I find that I'll end up pushing that away too....I Def have an ego and always have....so I feel a little shitty....even tho I have no real reason to....she's a real good friend and deserves to be loved fully and appreciated by someone....guess it just hurts to feel like she gave up (which says a lot about me prob since it's usually the man doing the chasing)....I guess I feel like I may be losing a good friend and security blanket too.....dunno what kind of advice can be given but it might just help me to write this out for myself

[Wakeup]

Have you considered that since she didn't need "saving" (like your BPD gf did) that you didn't feel needed enough to actually become vulnerable to her?

Check yourself.

[overanxious]

Have you considered that since she didn't need "saving" (like your BPD gf did) that you didn't feel needed enough to actually become vulnerable to her?

Check yourself.

Wakeup...thanks for the reply

Believe it or not I actually did consider that....I actually looked at some of the characteristics of a narc/bpd....super intense, passionate, opinionated etc....and I don't see those qualities and I wonder if I'm slightly addicted to them on some level....although I could def do without the other side of that coin

[katyk]

You are just not much "into her" She has realised this and decided she has given it her best shot and now its time to move on! Why the anguish on your part? No self respecting person would hang around to be some sort of security blanket ....just in case! She sounds like a really level headed person. Yes, of course, the facebook message could be some sort of tactic to make you sit up and take notice (which has worked) but if you really aren't looking for a relationship with her and she is with you then let her go! Wish her well and move on. One day you will find that someone you will feel differently about who doesn't have issues of any kind (as in your previous) You just can't hang onto people....just in case!

[overanxious]

You are just not much "into her" She has realised this and decided she has given it her best shot and now its time to move on! Why the anguish on your part? No self respecting person would hang around to be some sort of security blanket ....just in case! She sounds like a really level headed person. Yes, of course, the facebook message could be some sort of tactic to make you sit up and take notice (which has worked) but if you really aren't looking for a relationship with her and she is with you then let her go! Wish her well and move on. One day you will find that someone you will feel differently about who doesn't have issues of any kind (as in your previous) You just can't hang onto people....just in case!

I don't think the fb thing is any sort of tactic really...just think she's prob excited and doesn't think it would bother me at all

I totally am not intending on interjecting....I totally plan to be happy for her and let her go wherever she is.....I guess sometimes I have a hard time figuring out if I'm really just not that into her like that....or I'm really just afraid to get close after the shit show previous relstionship....which is kinda crazy since they are nothing alike ...and maybe that's what scares me....I definitely lean towards not being into her though.....I feel a different kind of person might make wanna pursue and it's just my ego being slightly bruised currently

[woody]

I don't think your ready yet. You know, that healing time after a break up is different for everyone. Two months for some can be two years or longer for others.

Kind of a drag your new friend is pushing for more because it sounds like you two get along well, as friends.

I don't think this is a 'quality of character' thing. I just think you might not be ready yet for a full on possible serious relationship and the fact that your new gal pal is one cool bird is making you doubt and second yourself in all kinds of ways. Well don't.

[overanxious]

I don't think your ready yet. You know, that healing time after a break up is different for everyone. Two months for some can be two years or longer for others.

Kind of a drag your new friend is pushing for more because it sounds like you two get along well, as friends.

I don't think this is a 'quality of character' thing. I just think you might not be ready yet for a full on possible serious relationship and the fact that your new gal pal is one cool bird is making you doubt and second yourself in all kinds of ways. Well don't.

I feel like u may be right....I guess I figured I'd be over that other thing by now but I just might not be...or at least hoped I'd be by now

I totally couldn't realistically expect her to wait any longer to find out anyway...on a certain level I feel kinda sad because I know our relationship won't be the same...it just changes....I know I won't lose as a friend....but I feel like it will be alot different now.....can't be mad at all....just the way it is