Communication Issues

[jamie48]

Hi I have a question and hoping to get some unbiased feedback. Here is the deal...

My girlfriend and I discover Def Leopard is coming to town, she says in the morning, Can we go? I say sure! Later we meet for lunch, she looks at her phone and says, hey my daughter texed me telling me Def Leopard is coming, I wonder if she wants to go! I comment, not rudely or mad, but say it seems this is going from you and I going, to me going with you and who you decide you would like to invite as well. Her response is, the more the merrier. Hmmm ok so I repeat precisely what I had just said, and her next response to that was. What is wrong with other people being there? I say nothing, as in nothing wrong with that. When we are done lunch she is getting out of the car I repeat exactly my comment again. This seems to have gone from you and I going to you and whoever you invite as well. Then asked her to please let me know what she comes up with. She shrugs her shoulders saying nothing but bye and gets out! That is absolutely all that was said on the subject.

This is where I think it gets interesting. Later on in the day this bit at lunch comes into question. I am told by her my thoughts are invalid, she was not suggesting at all that someone go with us. Of course it turns into a debate. The reasoning given by her is as follows. She was only commenting in a general sense that her daughter might like to go, meaning on her own or with someone else, NOT with us. The more the merrier to her meant there would be 20000 people there the more the married, Not going with us. What's the matter with other people being there? I still don't fully know the reasoning on that but conclude it is the same as the last, 20000 people being there, what's a couple more! All the while insisting to me I am reading into things, my thoughts are invalid, on and on.

I was at a total loss as how to even respond to the reasoning she gave me. Can someone please help!

It appeared to me that I was correct in assuming at lunch she had intended on inviting others, and that I was led in that direction, also that she did not directly address what I had said either way, or did she? lol There was no rush at lunch, and plenty of time for her to set me straight there. I just don't get it.

A huge issue? Not exactly, but the reason I did comment three times at lunch in the way that I did is because this communication, meaning, understanding problem is ongoing. Not just social activities but many other areas in our relationship I'm being told that conversations we had I had taken the wrong way and words that where said had different meaning that I took them to be. The real problem is it's gotten to the point that talks are simply ambiguous, I never seem to know what to take to heart as real meaning or not. And I'm not sure how things are going to go down until they actually do? Not good!

[TheEvilJester]

I can't comment on your conversations in general without further details. However, here is my thought on this specific situation....

By the way, no offense intended at all. This is just a serious question....

But why did you word it like that in the first place? Personally, were I her, that would have hit me as a sarcastic and slightly rude way to say it. If you wanted to go just you and her, there is nothing wrong with that. But why not just say something like "I actually think it could be really cool for us two to just go together if you don't mind."

I have to admit, I'm further baffled by the fact that you felt the need to repeat the exact same wording again and again. Though, in your defense, I'm equally baffled by her completely dismissive responses. Again, if you kept repeating that, why would she not ask "Would you rather us just go alone?"

So, yeah, communication issues may be a good way to describe it. People aren't mind readers. Rather than just saying something like that to her and expecting her to interpret your meaning behind it, just be honest and upfront. If you wanted just the two of you to go, just say that. I am sure you didn't mean it to come across as sarcastic and/or rude at all, but that is how it would have hit me personally, so maybe that is how it hit her.