Only been out once, not progressing, does he not like me or is he just busy?

[Dice]

I was in a 6-year relationship that ended 6 months ago. I've only recently started dating again. Last month I met a guy on a dating site. We talked for 6 weeks before meeting in person. He lives an hour away and was taking care of his sick grandfather, so those were part of why it took us awhile to get together.
We had a really nice time on our date. We connected right away and talked the whole time, it wasn't uncomfortable at all. Afterwards I said I had a nice time and that I'd like to see him again. Immediately he responded with an excuse. Said he'd like to but he wasn't able to get out very much while taking care of his grandfather, but that we would "figure something out".
The day after our date, his grandfather passed away. I texted him a couple times and got no response, so I deleted his number and planned to never contact him again. I thought disappearing was rude and I didn't want to reward his bad behavior with attention. Almost two weeks late he reappeared, said he'd been busy taking care of things after his grandfather's death and said he was sorry for being out of touch. I felt kinda dumb and selfish, so I decided to keep talking to him.
A week before my birthday, I asked if he'd like to come out with me to celebrate and again he responds with an excuse. He said that sounded like fun and he *probably* could as long as his grandmother was okay by herself. I understood but it sounded promising so I got my hopes up. 3 days later he says he can't come because he got a new job.
So here's where I am now: I really like this guy, and I want to see him again. I've been trying for a month to go out with him again and all I've gotten are excuses. My question is, what do I do now? I was planning on asking him if he has plans for New Year's Eve and if he'd like to do something together. If I get another excuse, I think I should level with him, but I'm not sure what to say without sounding miffed.
I know he has a lot going on, and I'm not trying to sound selfish, but I am not looking for an occasional texting buddy, I need something real. I'm only confused because every time I think "this guy is just not interested in me" and I decide to move on and not talk to him, he reappears and sends me mixed signals. My girlfriend said I should just not talk to him, and I told her whenever I do that he starts talking to me again, and she said I should tell him to shut up unless he plans on asking me out again, haha.
I was thinking I should say something like, "It sounds like you're too busy to get together any time soon, and I like talking to you, but I want someone I can go out with. Hit me up when you get some free time." I'd really like a guy's POV on this. What should I do?

[shortyrock]

A man who wants to see you, will. It's a simple as that. Stop trying to initiate contact and plans. You'll get your answer. He'll either reach out to you, or you won't.

[Dice]

I don't initiate contact, he does. But he doesn't ask me out. It's just small talk, then he disappears again, I give up, he reappears, and so on. What I'm wanting to know is the next time he does this, do I tell him to buzz off until he asks me out, or will that make me look needy?

[TablesandChairs]

He's not making the effort; a few texts here and there are meaningless. Either he has the time and the will or he doesn't. I doubt you're after a text-buddy and since you met him on a dating site, the assumption is that you would...date.

Next time, logically spell it out to him: 'Hey, it seems you're a bit busy to catch up etc. and I was after someone I could see/get to know better...if your schedule frees up in the future, let me know'.

[dontaskme]

From where I am sitting and reading your story, you sound a little desperate for this guy. You attempted numerous times to get together with him after the first date and yet, all you've got were nothing but BS alibis (who knows if his excuses are even true or not). Even if you end up dating this guy due to your incessant effort, do you really want to have a guy who is full of excuses to be your future boyfriend?

You are on a dating website. Can't you find anyone else you're interested with or are there no other guys that find you interesting enough to want to date you?

Cut him off. He's got no balls to be upfront with you. If he can't go out with you, he should be straightforward and just say it.

[smackie9]

Benefit of a doubt: He is in a position where he is taking care of his grandmother, and seems to me there isn't much family support which is so sad and difficult for him. My guess he is using the dating site to have some kind of contact with the outside world. You could suggest going to see him, and have a quick lunch date. If this gets rejected, move on.

A possibility: He's in a relationship or is married. This would explain why he disappears, and is limited in seeing you.

IMO stop wasting your time on flaky people. Date guys that actually are willing to ask you out on a date only after a few messages. Do not waste your time on guys that message you for weeks on end without even a hint of being asked out. The lack of enthusiasm to see you, right there should tell you to move on.

[Dice]

If I seem hung up on him, I am a little. He is really cool. He's traveled the world and has lots of interesting stories to tell and I really connected with him. He's very polite and extremely attractive and has lot of qualities that I want in a potential match. He is a little weird though. In the 6 weeks we talked before meeting, he never once flirted with me. I did, badly, as I am wont to do, but he didn't. He was flirtier in person, and things got pretty physically heavy (which is another reason why I'm a little hung up), but he's extremely closed up.
I think my concern is that he just doesn't like me, but he hasn't said that. Instead he pops back up like he's interested in talking to me, and then I get my hopes after I've already decided to forget about him. I get that he's got a lot going on, but it also feels like the real reason is that he is not interested in me. In which case he needs to leave me alone and stop getting my hopes up. Or just tell me, say something like "I had fun on our date but I'm not interested in a second one." He doesn't know me, so what is he afraid of? I'm quite frustrated, but I've been afraid to level with him because I didn't want to scare him off.
If he attempts to contact me again (and I honestly feel like he isn't going to and is gone for good), I think I will try one more time to get him to meet up with me. TablesandChairs, I liked the answer you gave, so if he comes at me with another excuse I think I will say that.
I'm 29 years old, y'all. I'm ready to be wifed up.

- - - Updated - - -

It does feel a little like that, that no one I like is interested in me back. I think I got excited about this one because he's the first one I've had chemistry with since my break-up. Most of the time the people who are interested in me, I have no attraction to at all.

[TablesandChairs]

Plenty of people have had successful relationships via dating sites, myself included (we're getting married soon) but the key is not to waste your time; we're the same age and while we're not ancient, female biology is such that we can't afford to be wasting our time on people who aren't making the effort. If I came across a guy who texted me intermittently and gave me the impression he was too busy/not interested, I would drop it - maybe his reasons are legitimate but you're after someone you can date/progress with, simple as that.

[smackie9]

If he never flirted with you but was hot and heavy on you, that says to me he just wants to get sex out of you. That's why he shows little effort and comes around to initiate contact, he doesn't want this to get serious. So don't sleep with him unless he proves otherwise. Secondly if you are afraid of scaring him off, then that should tell you, he had no real interest in you. Doesn't matter if you wait another month and go out a few more times, he's gonna run regardless.

You have every right to ask because you have expectations. No guy is worth avoiding that. This is about not wasting your time. You need to put "oh but I like him" aside and have a clearer perspective. This is what I tell everyone, go by their actions not what they tell you. If he isn't treating you the way you think you should be treated, then something is not right. And when it doesn't feel right, then it's not. Follow your gut, not your heart.