Will we ever get engaged?

[Wakeup]

I'm shocked but I actually agree with FOLove on this one

Adding to what she said: Op, this would be different if you were satisfied without marriage and cool with just the living together but you're not so why are you hanging around and settling for less then what will make you happy?

I am currently wondering what his nationality is and if you are the same as him?

[Roses919191]

"weak guys"? **** him. He is just making up all type of excuses. People rationalize in accordance to what they want to do. A Guy who wants to commit to a woman is going to say commitment is for a strong man.

A lot can change in 4 years. You can find another man in 4 years. You might not be able to find a guy who is as wealthy or maybe sacrifice the looks department a little bit. But you would at least find someone who is more committed than this! Not even a ring at this point?! I say he is full of shit.

I agree, he says "Work will always be my number one priority. It's why I came to America. You want proof that family isn't as important to me? I left them to come here, and I haven't visited them since." Says he doesn't want to even get engaged, buy a ring for me, for another 5 years and he's tired of arguing about it (me too). We had a big yelling fight and he said he "considers himself broken up" right now. Yet when he found out I went on OK Cupid (no dates or anything yet), he got 10x madder! told me bad things like he doesn't love me, claimed he was going to move out, but now is STILL here and is talking to me now (not ignoring every single statement and text), but barely.

[woody]

Ah well, f__ it then. Walk away.
my first responses encouraged you to not rush the ring but if what you say is truly what's happening; him telling you he doesn't love you, crikey, forget about it

[Roses919191]

He also said, "work is my priority. I will do what I want to do & never change an ounce of it for anyone." I thought if he were a good pArtner he'd want to make maybe some decisions with me in mind- like, I don't want to wait 5 years to get married, it makes me feel sad to be used for sex with no commitment, so I'd think he'd want to avoid that by Just proposing

[smackie9]

You can try and convince yourself that's what it is BUT the reality of it is that you both have different priorities and expectations....you just need to breakup with him.

[Roses919191]

How about this: My BF said he didn't want to move in with me, he just felt like I was forcing him to do so, to show commitment. And neither of us even really believes it's OK to live together based on our religion. So what if I tell him I'm moving out, we can keep dating and seeing each other but I have no intention of hanging around his place all the time, I respect that he needs to make work his priority for the next few years & I want to allow him to be who he wants to be?

[dontaskme]

How about this: My BF said he didn't want to move in with me, he just felt like I was forcing him to do so, to show commitment. And neither of us even really believes it's OK to live together based on our religion. So what if I tell him I'm moving out, we can keep dating and seeing each other but I have no intention of hanging around his place all the time, I respect that he needs to make work his priority for the next few years & I want to allow him to be who he wants to be?

Good idea, that way, he won't resent you of trying to rob him of his "bright" future.

[Roses919191]

Yeah I brought up that idea and he said "Sounds good. I just want peace..." I think he'll respect me much more if I am back with my own place, my own life, giving him space to get all his work done from home that he needs to do. And because our religion says not to live together and he always used to talk about married friends he had and how they did it the "right way"

[smackie9]

Oh my god....how hypocritical is that lol.

[Roses919191]

Oh my god....how hypocritical is that lol.

Why am I hypocritical? Just figuring out how to get him to see me as marriage material as he used to before I got too pushy and needy

[Wakeup]

lol ^^^

Did you forget you said this:

I just don't want a guy who's ambivalent about me. Who might, maybe, propose in 5 years if he's feeling like it & no better options are around. A guy who would much rather lose me now than propose within the next years, because that's how special he thinks I am.

You're being taken for a ride.

[smackie9]

our religion says not to live together and he always used to talk about married friends he had and how they did it the "right way"

You were already living together and then said in two different posts that neither of you even really believe it's OK to live together based on on your religious beliefs.......... lol what a joke. That's what I mean by hypocritical.

[Roses919191]

I get that I was being too pushy and now he feels resentful, how do I fix it? By moving out & giving his space back? I mean he still takes all my phone calls & said "sounds good" when I said we could date & live separately, so does he just need time to get over the argument? When he was really mad he said out of anger "I don't love you" And slept at a hotel 1 night but that was only once now he sleeps in bed with me. He said the decision is mine to make about whether to keep dating but I just want him to be less distant and happy with me again

[smackie9]

How about just shut the f up for the next 5 years about marriage and babies and you will be fine....that's all he wants....some peace and quiet.

[Roses919191]

How about just shut the f up for the next 5 years about marriage and babies and you will be fine....that's all he wants....some peace and quiet.

Ok so if I say "I respect that you want some space" and move out, it might actually improve our relationship?