Will we ever get engaged?

[basilandthyme]

Fearoflove is right - he's not into you anymore. He probably doesn't end things because there's a certain level of comfort and convenience having you around.

And you can't make him love you again. That ship has sailed. Giving him the space he needs won't make him love you, it will just make him happy to not have to deal with you for a bit.

I agree that you need to break up and move out. He won't be upset if you go.

[Roses919191]

It's not new that he wants us to live separately; he's wanted that all along & only ever asked me to move in because I was pushing him about commitment. He's always said the right foundation for a Christian marriage, as he's seen from all his buddies, is to not live together. Even when engaged. And he says while he's still in training he needs to have time alone to focus on work, and when I'm living with him I'm constantly barging in office and distracting him (ie no boundaries between "dating" time and "work").

I asked " is this a way to just break up with me?" He says "no. If I wanted to break up I'd say that!" And his relationship status is still "in a relationship" on Facebook, I'm going to his buddy's wedding w him etc. he's not a guy who ever wanted to live w a girl befor marriage, let alone rush into anything after 1 year, so maybe this is fine.

[basilandthyme]

It's not new that he wants us to live separately; he's wanted that all along

Wow. And you told me that he doesn't want you to move out.

Him wanting to live separately and him being very open about it is EXACTLY THE SAME thing as wanting you to move out. Short of throwing your stuff out the window and changing the locks, I don't think he could be any clearer.

[Roses919191]

I just don't think it means death for the relationshop. It's not like his feelings have changed, he never wanted to move in together. This way he doesn't keep resenting me for pushing him into something & he gets his own space to focus on work & we don't keep killing a relationship the way living together often does. He doesn't even think of it as the right foundation for mariage (based on our religion etc)

[pcmaster]

Good that you are positive Rose. Who knows if you stick around for long enough something might come out of it.

[Wakeup]

Yea... an old lady whose unmarried and without children most likely. Or a married woman who is more lonely with this man then without him for certain.

[Roses919191]

I think someone can be ready for kids when done with training in 5 years but not right now, and he never wanted to move in after a year in first place because he wasn't really ready, it's against our religion, he believes it has nothing to do with commitment etc

[dontaskme]

I think someone can be ready for kids when done with training in 5 years but not right now, and he never wanted to move in after a year in first place because he wasn't really ready, it's against our religion, he believes it has nothing to do with commitment etc

I don't know if your dumb or what. Your issue is that your life goals which are to get married and have children in your early 30's are not parallel to his. Your putting all your life plans on hold for a guy to whom you're not sure will want to marry you in the next five years, otherwise, why are you always asking strangers how to make him love you?

And stop with all your made up stories! No one can give you proper advise if you keep on making up shit just to spare you of the embarrassment and humiliation your boyfriend already put you through.

[basilandthyme]

I think someone can be ready for kids when done with training in 5 years but not right now, and he never wanted to move in after a year in first place because he wasn't really ready, it's against our religion, he believes it has nothing to do with commitment etc

But a page or so ago, told us that you're OK with not settling down or being married. That this type of life is boring and you need more excitement.

[Roses919191]

He doesn't want to break up with me, just wants us to live separately. Hard to argue with that when he says he only asked me to move in with him bc I was pressuring him to show some kind of commitment after a year & he knew he wouldn't be ready to get engaged for years still. Maybe if I move out & show him I respect his wishes, he'll love me more and come around in his own time. He was clear this isn't a breakup. He has tons of work stress & wants to be able to come home & work on projects uninterrupted while still in training. He says he'll want a family once these years are done

[basilandthyme]

Rose, I'm frustrated with your constant contradictions. I have no idea when you're telling the truth and when you're making stuff up. I'm done with this thread.

[Roses919191]

Well tonight he initially wasn't going to go to dinner with me & our friends. Then he agreed. Then the friend cancelled due to illness, but I said "want to go to dinner, just me and you?" And he said yes. And made nice conversation with me and paid the whole bill without hesitating. But when we got home he didn't want to cuddle & just wanted to watch tv. I decided maybe that was enough for one day, so I decided not to lay into him for refusing to cuddle; I let it go. I asked him if he liked my dress & he said yes, it's nice.

[Wakeup]

No, you'll never get engaged.

[JRodriguez]

I proposed to my GF, the moment that my divorce was official. We had been dating for 3 years at the time. I bought her a 20K Ring, paid for a fairly extravagent wedding and we've been married now for over 10 years.
Here's the thing. My wife had a friend that she went to school with who dated a guy that worked at a $10.00 an hour job. She expected him to do exactly what I had done for my wife, except that in their case, SHE was the one who made the big bucks and he was fairly poor and broke. Yet she still EXPECTED him to somehow do the same things that I had done! I told her, if you ever expect to have the same type of Ring, Wedding, Honeymoon and home that we had, she wsa going to have to pay for it herself. Her response to me was, "What if I get pregant? I need a man who will be able to take care of me? To that I said to her, then move on and find another man that can do what YOU expect him to do! So here's my question to you.
Do your expectations line up with what he can actually deilver?

[Roses919191]

It makes sense now. I told you how my BF had become so distant, withdrawn, never saying "I love you" or spending much time with me. I have a best guy friend (of 10 years) who calls me twice a week. I always answer his calls in front of my boyfriend, & we'll talk forever. When I go back to my hometown I hang out with this guy, nothing shady just coffee. But my Bf also found from reading my texts that this guy actually has said in past that he wants to date me. My bf is like "why would I invest emotional energy into someone who's just going to end up with another guy eventually? You know it'll never just be platonic friends now that he said he wants to date you." I told him I figured he would've told me if it bothers him how often I talk to my friend. And that we never hang out alone or in "date"-like locations when I go back home. He said "I thought you'd figure out on you own what was appropriate, I don't want to be a dictator." My bf said I have to figure out if I want our relationship to continue & if so, we both need to identify what we would change