Friends/Friends with benefits/ lovers?????

[izzybizzy]

Ok so I'm pretty confused here and need some advice, I've known said guy lets call him R for 10 years, we hung around as teens and nothing ever happened, then a couple of years ago, we met up again after not seeing each other for a bit, that night we got drunk and ended up fooling about a bit, we proceeded to hang out and sleep together, he fell for me, but I got spooked by his fast feelings and ended up running a mile as wasn't ready for a relationship but we stayed friends.

Then about a year later, we started hanging out again and ended up sleeping together, this time I fell for him but he was till mooning over his ex and I ended things as I couldn't just stay friends with benefits or be used for him to get over her, I ended up dating someone but it ended badly and now in the past few weeks we started hanging out more and have ended up in bed again, and again my feelings are back, I need to know if he just wants to have sex, or has feelings for me or what??

He has always says he likes me a lot, and tells me how lovely I am, he likes to cuddle and kiss not just sleep together, but I'm scared to put myself out there in case I get it wrong, and I don't know if he is too or if he just wants to sleep together, he made a joke about if he could just have regular casual sex he'd never have a relationship again, which I said was a bit of a crap thing to say infront of me, but then he said he likes a girlfriend who is a bit nuts, which apparently I am so I don't know?!?!!? I've asked him if it is just sex with us and he says it's not like that, but honestly if we are friends and sleeping together to me that seems like just a sex thing, which I find harder to do than he obviously does.

I know it's hard to see the situation from a few lines but I hope someone can help me....

[smackie9]

Tell him.....good honest communication solves all problems. Express your expectations that you want things to be exclusive between you.

Sounds like the timing is right this time around, just be honest with him....don't ask, tell him how you feel.

[Wakeup]

Ok so I'm pretty confused here and need some advice, I've known said guy lets call him R for 10 years, we hung around as teens and nothing ever happened, then a couple of years ago, we met up again after not seeing each other for a bit, that night we got drunk and ended up fooling about a bit, we proceeded to hang out and sleep together, he fell for me, but I got spooked by his fast feelings and ended up running a mile as wasn't ready for a relationship but we stayed friends.

Then about a year later, we started hanging out again and ended up sleeping together, this time I fell for him but he was till mooning over his ex and I ended things as I couldn't just stay friends with benefits or be used for him to get over her, I ended up dating someone but it ended badly and now in the past few weeks we started hanging out more and have ended up in bed again, and again my feelings are back, I need to know if he just wants to have sex, or has feelings for me or what??

He has always says he likes me a lot, and tells me how lovely I am, he likes to cuddle and kiss not just sleep together, but I'm scared to put myself out there in case I get it wrong, and I don't know if he is too or if he just wants to sleep together, he made a joke about if he could just have regular casual sex he'd never have a relationship again, which I said was a bit of a crap thing to say infront of me, but then he said he likes a girlfriend who is a bit nuts, which apparently I am so I don't know?!?!!? I've asked him if it is just sex with us and he says it's not like that, but honestly if we are friends and sleeping together to me that seems like just a sex thing, which I find harder to do than he obviously does.

I know it's hard to see the situation from a few lines but I hope someone can help me....

I wonder why you keep doing the same mistake with this guy and instead of just sleeping with him when he comes around poking at you, why you don't ask for what you actually want instead of just settling for non-exclusive, no strings attached sex with him.. when it suits HIM?

You keep doing the same thing and you keep ending up with the same lust and infatuation which you mistake for love. Why are you doing that?

You first have to know what you actually want before you can ask for it. Figure that out because your actions tell (me anyway) that you don't really want anything serious with your fvck buddy but you feel you should have something serious if hes going to continue to get a leg over.

[michelle23]

Women need to grow some balls. If you want something, ask for it! Demand it. Its yes or no. If you don't like the answer, cut the BS and cut him off for good.

Seriously why do you people waste your time with all this horse shit? It pisses me off. Be assertive, demand some respect and stop being a sex toy for emotionally unavailable idiots.

Btw You never should have slept with him without first ensuring you are on the same page. Now he has no real reason to see you as anything more than an "option"

This time make it clear what you want from him and what you are hoping to get out of this. Ask what he wants. If the answer is vague then forget him. He should know you well enough by now to say "yes i want a relationship, i really care about you".. if you dont get that answer then go your separate ways now.. for good. If its just sex, he will say some BS like "im not ready yet" or "i want to take it slow", or "i like you a lot but..." read between the lines and don't let him fool you

[izzybizzy]

Women need to grow some balls. If you want something, ask for it! Demand it. Its yes or no. If you don't like the answer, cut the BS and cut him off for good.

Seriously why do you people waste your time with all this horse shit? It pisses me off. Be assertive, demand some respect and stop being a sex toy for emotionally unavailable idiots.

Btw You never should have slept with him without first ensuring you are on the same page. Now he has no real reason to see you as anything more than an "option"

This time make it clear what you want from him and what you are hoping to get out of this. Ask what he wants. If the answer is vague then forget him. He should know you well enough by now to say "yes i want a relationship, i really care about you".. if you dont get that answer then go your separate ways now.. for good. If its just sex, he will say some BS like "im not ready yet" or "i want to take it slow", or "i like you a lot but..." read between the lines and don't let him fool you

Cheers I think I just needed a slight kick u the arse, I think the reason I haven't said much is because I'm not very assertive I've had a lot of shitty things happen to me and it's make me kind of frightened, to go out there and get what I want, you shouldn't get pissed off just because people aren't as straight up and assertive as you are.

Thank you for the advice though

[michelle23]

Im not really pissed off. Just shaking you up, give you some fire

Successful people know what they want and don't settle for second best. You can have everything you want just by setting some clear goals, learning from past mistakes and being cautious with your heart. Only give it to someone worthy. People think they have no control over who they fall for but the reality is you do. Set boundaries and lines you wont allow others to cross and stay true to yourself

Best of luck

[Wakeup]

I've had a lot of shitty things happen to me and it's make me kind of frightened, to go out there and get what I want

This should make you even more determined to ask for what you want so that you actually get it rather then be afraid. If you ask and he's not willing to give they you can get yourself quickly out of it because its not what you want, it's not good for you, its keeping you mired in insanity.

Hone your personal boundaries so that you have the confidence to ask and the strength to leave someone who isn't wanting what you want.

Time to change your dating M.O. because it's definitely not working out well for you the way you've been handling things so far.

Here is something you will benefit from reading:

[url=http://www.essentiallifeskills.net/personalboundaries.html]Healthy Personal Boundaries & How to Establish Them[/url]