No contact rule? wife left 1 month ago

[Johnburns88]

Hello,

About a month ago my wife of 3 years decided to tell me she was not happy with our relationship anymore and also told me she wanted a divorce. She moved in with her best friend about which is about a 20 min drive from where I currently live (our house). Until this point we both appeared to be very happy together. I know I was... Now she will barely contact me and when she does its only concerning getting the paperwork for the divorce together. I have told her numerous times that I do not want this and that she is everything in the world to me. She tells me she feels bad for hurting me and that I'm a great guy that has done nothing wrong to her. Our relationship never really slowed down in anyway, We had sex just as often as we did when we first got into physical intimacy. We have had an amazing marriage and I truly do love her to death and she has made it clear that she knows I love her and feels bad. I want to try and get her to come back and stop this divorce from happening, We have always been faithful and very loving to each other. I was wondering if anyone could help give me some ideas on how to improve my chances of being with her. I had read online about the "no contact rule" and have issues with it. Due to our financial responsibilities its impossible to have no contact with her with all of this going on. I want to try it.. but would me responding to her hurt my chances if its only for financial reasons? She seems to have her mind made up about leaving me. I want her to be happy, but this does not seem to be making either of us happy in anyway. ANY HELP would be amazing

[TablesandChairs]

Hard to give you advice. From what you're saying - nothing was wrong. You had a perfectly good relationship until the minute it ended. She's not saying anything to the contrary. How can you win her back? Well...usually, when people decide to divorce, there's a reason - parties may try to address that reason. They go to counselling, they make an effort to fix what's wrong. But you don't know what went wrong.

My opinion? There's something going on behind the curtains. Either she has issues with you that she's not mentioning or there's something (or someone) else. People don't just up and divorce just like that; we're talking marriage, not some 2 week affair.

[smackie9]

My money is on she is having an emotional affair, possibly with a coworker. I suggest you look into if there was an affair of some kind before you invest trying to win her back. You really need to dig a little deeper.

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From my experience when they do a 180, it means they either cheated on you or are cheating.

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Don't sign the papers until she comes clean.

[Wakeup]

How long did you date her before you got married?

[smackie9]

Was she from another country and needed a green card?

[Johnburns88]

We were living together for about 3 years before marriage

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The only thing she will say is that she just isn't happy anymore and that I am a great guy. I have told her that I love her and do NOT want this to happen but she just doesn't seem to be willing to try. I have asked if she will go to counseling and she refuses, I have asked if she feels like there's something that happened that would really hurt me and she insists that nothing happened. I have told her I am willing to try and do anything to save our marriage and would forgive her for anything. I cant get answers. We lived together for 3 years before we got married and have been married for almost 4. Our sex life has been great.. in fact we had intercourse the night before and nearly almost everyday for over 6 years. She tells me that she feels like she's a horrible person for doing this to me.

[Wakeup]

Then the only thing left to do is get counseling to help you get your own closure rather then hoping to get one from her. It takes two people to want a relationship to work for it to be able to.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

[Johnburns88]

I know what you're saying and thank you for trying to help out. I'm just not in a very good place with all of this stuff right now. I keep blaming myself and I know I have honestly not done anything wrong. I just feel like I'm losing everything I have ever cared about for no reason. I'm going to call a counselor in the morning and see when I can get in. I really do appreciate it.

[milk&honey]

Please don't blame yourself. No one's at fault. You two just need to work things out. Wishing you all the best.

[Johnburns88]

Thank you I am trying not to blame myself. I just want to know if anyone has any ideas on actions I can take to try and save our marriage at this point... anything at all that might help? space? begging her? anything I am lost.

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I would do anything to go from a 0% chance to a 1% chance.

[vashti]

I agree with the others who think that something is going on, probably a lover somewhere. I also feel you have very likely overlooked some warning signs along the way. Things like this do not happen overnight for no reason.

IMO, the only chance you have is to get her into therapy and get her to come clean. Then, you can decide if reconciliation is possible.

You don't have kids, do you?

[yomamg]

afdsfasfadsfads

[Johnburns88]

No kids... That would only complicate things more so I'm glad we didn't.

[Johnburns88]

I really wanted to have kids with her though, Today I was very mean to her and I just don't know what to do I don't want to push her away more. I just told her that she was in the wrong right now. I truly have never done anything wrong in our relationship and have stuck to my vows.