Am I nuts? Or is it "normal"

[Claud_2113]

Okay, so I want to give a quick background on what's been going on.
Lately I've been picking on my past a little too much. My ex who I dated since I was 14 up until 19 has been coming into mind. Not just him but I've been over analyzing what we had as well. I've been looking back and replaying what happened over and over as if I'm trying to pick something out or make sense of it. But truth is he was controlling, possessive and nuts! I couldn't talk to guys I couldn't wear makeup in hs and when he graduated (he was 2 years older) I had to drop out because if I didn't he was going to break up with me. Long story short I met someone in college who is my boyfriend now and he is AMAZING! Complete opposite of my ex and I now know that when I made that decision to leave it was for the better.
I feel like both my ex and I kept the relationship going because we would look at all the time and emotion invested. But to be honest I feel like we both knew it just wasn't going to work out, yet we stayed because we were afraid in a way...
Anyway I still see him every now and then because we have mutual friends and he is friends with a lot of my cousins. Ive been doing my thing for almost 2 years just like he has. The thought of him being with someone else which he is is totally fine with me. I mean I know that I am okay knowing he and I won't be in a romantic relationship again. But sometimes I just think about things like I wonder if he's any different or what I'd things would've gone different you know??
I started dating my bf about 3 weeks after I left my ex. Because in all honesty I felt I was ready and I fell for him. It's been an awesome relationship but now this is coming up.
Any advice on whether this is normal or I'm making a big deal of things. Please and thanks!

[pcmaster]

Well I think its normal to remember past time after time. After all there was some drama thats hard to forget. Yes your ex was special in his own little way. You have a BF now and you are happy thats all that matters now but now past is for learning and not repeating same mistakes.

[Wakeup]

Your ex was abusive and controlling and you allowed it. Those are three very good reasons why you should be rejoicing that you're no longer in his life. He made you quit high school because he was graduating... WTF.

Serious WTF going on in my mind right now.

Do the necessary mental work you need to do to consciously change the subject of him when he pops into your mind. He's a douche and hopefully you learned a lesson from him ... that being that you DO NOT let ANY guy control you like that again. If he tries then you get the fk away from him and thank your higher power that he showed you who he is so you could quickly walk away from him with head high.

You're a lucky girl that he's history.

- - - Updated - - -

Work on your issues. Those issues being you don't have your own confidence or love of self... you stayed with him and let him control you until you met someone in college to take his place. You should have left him the minute he told you that you can't wear makeup. Not stayed with him, quit school and let him control you... something wrong in that.

[Claud_2113]

I agree! It was not a smart thing to have stayed so long and I thank God everyday that he delivered me from him. Of course there wasn't always bad but someone who manipulated me that way was only going to get worse with due time.
luckily I found someone who may be the one. And now I am taking from my past that I won't ever let anyone push me around anymore

[smackie9]

Nothing unusual about being a little possessive, jealous during those teen years, because everyone is still developing mentally, physically, dealing with raging hormones, developing social skills etc. We grow up and change, BUT not everyone. I dated an abusive BF when I was 15, I got out tho. I met him years later when I was 21, and he was still the same. So if I were you I would assume he is still the jackass you knew then.

[Claud_2113]

You're right i can see how that works be possible. Only thing is that i did him with you is 17 and broke up with him when he was 22. If anything he was getting worse.! I see him every so often but i don't talk to him. I would assume he would try to be nice and set but I feel like underneath that he is still the same. I wonder if he's life that with his new gf?
I just want to know if it is okay for my last to come up while I'm in this great relationship

[smackie9]

Your past is still fresh, he is still around, anyone would wonder. So what of it really?

[Claud_2113]

Yeah I guess that makes sense! I need to realize that my past was nothing but toxic bs. And now I have so much going for me.

[TablesandChairs]

It all serves a purpose, I think. I've learned a lot from past relationships and like you, I was in a relationship for a long time (from the age of 18 to 25). When we broke up, I thought...I can't believe I wasted all that time on the wrong person. But, if you never have a bad relationship, it's harder to appreciate a good one. I think it's a rarity for your first relationship to also be your last.