Does he like me, or just a player?

[Dreamon]

I started a job in a bar in September. i met a guy there who was intimidatingly good looking and cool, I'm not normally into really good looking guys so I didn't really make an effort, but as we started talking I realised we had loads in common and very similar sense of humour.

One night I was on a bar on my own but the guy kept coming in to talk to me, we both like smoking and ended up doing so after the shift and he asked me if I wanted a lift home, I said yes. He didn't drive me straight home, we drove around for over an hour exploring and smoking, then he dropped me off.

So the nights we work together go by in a similar way, though I haven't got a ride home again off him. A regular bar fly must have seen us together because the other night he warned me about the boy. He told me that he had hurt girls working there before and that I should stay away. On the same night I was told that a he and another coworker had been very close at the staff party, which I had missed. So I took both pieces of information and decided to keep away from him.

At the weekend I worked two shifts with him, the first I got put on a bar with him all night, just us two. We had the best night, he suggested us drinking lots (sort of accepted where we work its a bit of a mad house) and I agreed. We danced and smoked and I told him about my warning and he seemed hurt. He mentioned the girl at the staff party, how she had been telling him how charming he was. I said "you must have been pleased" as the girl is really stunning, she looks Egyptian and proper womanly all curves, (opposite to me as I am a size 6, very pale etc), but he said he wasn't into it at all and that she wasn't his type.

The next night was my last before Xmas so me and another girl coworker got to work a few hours early to drink and watch bands play. the guy and I got put on the same bar again and he automatically starts making me drinks and we have another great night. At the end we go out smoking and laugh a lot but my taxi turns up and I get up to leave, turn to say bye but he has his back to me and doesn't say anything.

I have been texting another guy who works there who likes me but has a girlfriend, I'm only texting him as a friend and I mentioned my crush making me drinks all night and he replies saying "that's his technique. Tried and tested"

My crush has made no effort to get my number or contact me outside work, there are moments when he could make a move but hasn't.
I'm just feeling pretty embarrassed because a few people have given me warnings about him now. I don't even know if he likes me, we just seem to really click, but maybe that's just how it seems when he turns on his charms... Our eyes always seem to meet through the crowd, the way he looks at me drives me insane

I don't want to be just another girl that fancies the only hot guy at work, but I feel like it's a bit too late. Should I just keep my distance? I have tried but it seems like he always wants to chat to me. Maybe I should just ask him to keep his distance and I am impressionable and weak willed. Please help!

[nico88]

Best advice I have ever been given: if you want something go for it. If you want him..go get him. Life is too short to sit around over thinking things you know?

[Wakeup]

It really made me laugh and then shake my head when I read that you got two warnings about the player he is so you decided to stay away from him. I laughed because you only stayed away from him until the opportunity arose where you were working together again and then you forgot all about your good personal boundaries and common sense and started to interact with him once again.

Listen: You know he's just going to **** you and then its on to the next newbie. Don't let your boundaries down for a cad. Don't get involved with someone you work with ESPECIALLY if he's a player. You'll have to suffer through every shift with him when he ****s you and then doesn't want much else to do with you until it's your turn to be fkd again.

If he want to be with you then let him ask you out on a proper date outside of work and YOU HAVE THE COMMON sense not to go to bed with him until he shows you in actions that you are actually the one that has made him want to give up the game. (that won't likely happen anytime soon for him when he has so much opportunity from naïve and over-trying chicks like yourself that think he's change for them)

How many more people will have to warn you before you learn to be professional and stop hanging out with him outside of the job?

- - - Updated - - -

No offence but: "If you want something go get it?" Well if the only thing you want is a fvck and a chuck then yea... get on that. If you want a decent guy that doesn't think his reason to live is to accomplish the score then pass on this one.

[nico88]

Merry Christmas wakeup. Hope you have a great holiday! All I was basically saying is you can't go off what two random people tell you about a person. That's just hearsay. Sure there could be truth to it. But at the same time it could just be a rumor. You gotta trust your own judgment dreamon. And if you want to see what happens with the guy than go for it. Maybe you'll find out he's a dick or maybe you'll find out he's a nice guy. There's always that 50/50 no matter who you get involved with you know? Good luck on whatever you decide.

[Wakeup]

Merry Christmas wakeup. Hope you have a great holiday! All I was basically saying is you can't go off what two random people tell you about a person. That's just hearsay. Sure there could be truth to it. But at the same time it could just be a rumor. You gotta trust your own judgment dreamon. And if you want to see what happens with the guy than go for it. Maybe you'll find out he's a dick or maybe you'll find out he's a nice guy. There's always that 50/50 no matter who you get involved with you know? Good luck on whatever you decide.

If this guy wasn't a player he would have done the good man thing of:
1. Not plying her with booze everytime they are within 10 feet of one another.
2. He would have asked her out on a proper date by now if he had an inkling of real interest in her past the physical.
3. Not have people talking smack about him behind his back.
4. Not try to ingratiate himself with insubstantial interaction before asking her out which has led her to believe she has some kind of feeling for him... which is exactly what most players M.O. happens to be.

I guess the bottom line is that if a guy actually wants to be with you he doesn't do the things this guy is doing and he doesn't get random "bad press" like this one is getting and that the Op would do well to keep her distance, stop drinking with this guy and hanging around him because they "both like to smoke." That way, if he does ask her out on a proper date, she'll know its because he is respecting her in a good guy way and not a player asshole way.

Up to her what she does after reading two, very different takes on her scenario... Op: If you do go out with this guy, remember you work together and think about the negative connotations of that should things not go well.

Merry Christmas to you as well Nico... All the best in 2015.

[smackie9]

I worked in a night club for 4 years. Listen to what they tell you, what your gut tells you, and stay away from him. Think about it, what player guy is going to mess things up on getting some by coming out and admit that yes he is just trying to get into you pants by putting these moves on you....seriously DUH! Don't date people that work in a bar, period. I did it, and it was the stupidest mistake I ever made....I didn't follow my policy of not dating people I work with, and regretted my decision to ignore it.

Think about it:
a) He is incredibly good looking
b) is a bartender
c) has access to unlimited women/ drunk women
d)makes first contact with you, the new girl
e)you don't really don't know him, which an advantage to him

Ding, ding, ding.....we have a play'a

What incredibly attractive guy in his right mind would throw away all this to be in a committed relationship....none.

[Dreamon]

Hey guys, merry Christmas! Hope you're all having a good one

Thank you all for your answers you definitely speak a lot of sense. I know it sounds terrible that I gave up on my vow of staying away so soon, I guess I'm just having a hard time outside of work with uni stuff and he is fun to be around. I'm off work for a week now so it's been great being away from it all.

Reading your comments I'm quite embarrassed about the way I come across.. I am not going to drink at work any more... Except for New Years, going to have a mad one! But a mad one with my friends and not with that guy. After New Years I'm going to be professional and focus on myself.

I really needed to hear everything you said so thanks again. I hope 2015 is an amazing year for you all xxx

[smackie9]

That's the one thing I never did and that was drink on the job, at the job or after closing. Never got drunk at the Christmas parties either.

I remember one New years eve, the shooter bar girl got sloshed and was promptly fired at the stroke of midnight. Don't be that girl.

[Dreamon]

I know I never normally even drink! But we are allowed to drink on New Years, the place is a little unorthodox.. After that Im going to be good! X

[jasir]

Mine was player in real

[Wakeup]

I know I never normally even drink! But we are allowed to drink on New Years, the place is a little unorthodox.. After that Im going to be good! X

Well, we haven't heard from you since 12/26 so
I guess you have been thrown in jail for drunk and disorderly?

[fearoflove]

Yea, this guy is most likely a player. So don't think you would have anything serious with him. But if you are looking for just a little bit of fun with a good looking guy, go for it. When I see a stunning guy, my first thought is fun, not a relationship. I mean, the guy is a bartender! You want to go for someone better for long term anyways.

If you can't help yourself, you can either continue flirting with him until things get hot and heavy, go for the kill (or sex). Or, if you are not into having a one night stand/casual sex thing, but into just flirting, then just flirt but distance yourself when you find yourself falling a bit into him. But both options requires someone with more experience and emotional distance so I don't think you are a good candidate for them.

[Dreamon]

Ha! You know I am just about to post another question about the same guy.
I think maybe a day after my last post on here the guy got my number from someone and has been non stop texting me since. But now a new strange problem has arisen. If you fancy looking/helping that would be great!

New years was fantastic by the way I worked 7.30 - 5.30 and got very drunk, was asked to be in a threesome by a a married couple,did some dancing and a little bit of work too. hope you had a great one! x

- - - Updated - - -

& apologies for my late reply, I hadn't received any notifications in my email!

[Dreamon]

hey I've tried to post another question but it said it needed to be checked and since then hasn't been posted, the other one got posted straight away... Did i do something wrong or does it sometimes take a while?xx

[woody]

Dreamon,

Your initial post is older now but I do hope you've held strong and ditched the prick. He has player written all over him. All over every inch of his probable gorgeous body and dreamy eyes, every inch a player.

If you did tell him to keep his distance I really hope you didn't say it was because you are impressionable and week willed as your initial post implied. Yikes. Don't say that!
Just ignore him.
Why get wrapped up in a guy like this. Your co workers have even warned you about him.
I know it is nice to receive attention but you must be careful as to what kind of attentions your getting. He has an agenda and your honor is not one of them.
Remember, there are so many wonderful, kind and good men out there; good men that are handsome inside and out.. You must set your bar higher.