Chocolate covered strawberries...

[kj2005]

I'm fairly certain my slightly shy coworker is interested in me. I know for sure he's physically attracted, respects me, & really enjoys talking to me. He's in sales and telecommunicates, so he's rarely in the office - making figuring each other out a lot more difficult - but we work together daily, text after hours, flirt and joke around a lot, etc. Lately he's been a lot more flirty and chatty, still very timid, telling me "I'll stop bothering you now lol" after he was very chatty, texting back and forth until late. He is VERY timid though, shying away from saying anything too emotional or obvious, and stops himself a bit when we get too carried away... possibly due to of the riskiness of perusing me. (I'm timid too, but can be a lot more forward and honest because I'm a hopeless romantic and I throw caution to the wind for love... not necessarily a good thing :/)

He sent (only) me decadent (expensive) chocolate covered strawberries in a nice box for Christmas (All other sales people send gifts to the whole office). He also brought me a bottle of red wine when he last came to the office because he knew I love it, and we joke that he owes me drinks when I help him out. He's also previously sent me an edible arrangement bouquet with a few chocolate covered strawberries for helping him... right after valentines day.

My question for guys: Romantic gifts? Or just being "friendly". Any chance he has no idea the usual connotations of these things?

[smackie9]

Romantic gifts?? duh!

So what is your company's policy on coworkers dating?

[Wakeup]

Why don't YOU ask him out?

[dollhouse]

Romantic and thoughtful gifts and he isn't cheap it sounds, yes, he likes you.

[kj2005]

Haha thank you all! I just wanted to make sure I wasn't making something out of nothing. Many times I've gotten ahead of myself, thinking the guy and I are on the same page... Often only to receive the "I just want to be friends" speech. So now I'm timid when it comes to interpreting guys actions, especially since I work with him.

I asked him to get a drink a few months ago, because I was going to be in his area that weekend. But I asked very last minute and he already had a golf tournament to play. He really did, there were photos... But it made me a little more timid about asking again. I played it cool and told him rain check, to which he said "definitely"... But people make false promises like that all the time. A lot of friends told me he would have cancelled golf to see me if he really liked me... But Idk if that was possible. I do wonder why he won't ask me though, if I've blatantly asked him. But this was before we saw each other again recently... which is when things started to pick up.

The other thing that makes me question his feelings is his avoidance of showing them to me. Once in a while he'll get comfortable... then he'll recoil again and go back to work stuff. I've told him how nice it was to see him, how I wish we could see each other more, etc... But he never says anything like that back. He's very unemotional though text (which we mostly do). Though he's never weird to me after I say things like that and usually gets more chatty and relaxed... but that doesn't really squash my doubts :/

Our business doesn't have a policy. I think we'd both want to keep it quiet for a bit though. It's a small company, and my opinion of the sales reps are what the owners base thier evaluations and actions on. I wouldn't want them to think I'm playing favorites. He might be nervous to put himself out there because of that too. I think most people already know something's going on. They've started paying more attention lately... Not negatively, some positively and some just curiously.

[Wakeup]

You asked him 'a few months ago" and he didn't immediately suggest another time when he WAS available? I'm thinking he's not all that interested. You clearly gave him the go-ahead signal and he chose not to "go-ahead" I'm thinking he's just grateful for your help and is showing you in overcompensating ways, now.

If you want to know for sure then ask him about that drink. If he is busy on the day you suggest and doesn't immediately make another date that he is available then don't let his gifts get you anymore all a ga-ga.

[smackie9]

I wouldn't push anything quite yet, just go with the flow, and maybe things will develop. Valentine's Day is coming up...the truth will be in the chocolates.

[kj2005]

Yeah I agree with both of you. We are supposed to be seeing each other this month at our company's holiday event... that will be more telling. I'm just trying to get my footing in the meantime. It will take some effort (and reassurance to be brave) to make a move while keeping it covert from a bunch of other coworkers around. So I think it is really helpful to step back from the situation and get some outside opinions when I'm really bouncing back and forth between possibilities. I really like him a lot and have tried to walk away and failed a few times, so it's very important to me to get the ball rolling and stop wading in the water.

I should mention some complications that make it not so cut and dry. We live 2 hours away from each other, so it's tough to just casually ask to go get a drink after work. For us that translates to casually asking one of us to drive 4 hours round-trip. Or both of us to drive 2. There's a lot more pressure on that situation, so it kind of needs to have an actual reason... and to get my guts up, I'd need some serious reassurance. Either one of us blatantly calls it a date, or creepily shows up in the other's city and tries to rendezvous. Neither option is very appealing, especially when the balance of your coworker interaction is at stake. I had kind of tried to close the door to this situation because of the complications, and what wakeup mentioned about him not asking me to hang out. But since he's started to act a lot more interested and then sent me this gift, I've been timidly approaching it as a possibility again. I think his gifts to me and other gestures like that are the only way he can kind of show me his feelings (be it friendly caring or romantic) without being blunt and risking making it weird - or getting in trouble. That's how I show him too. So that's why it was important to me to try to get in his mind about making a decision to send me these things.

I'm not sure that him not immediately coming back with an alternate date constitutes him not wanting to... because I really want to ask him too - but with this distance it kind of turns into a big production. I'm super nervous to do it, so I'd imagine he is too, since I am pretty certain that he is more scared of me than I am of him. I'm kind of his superior at work and we work together all day, every day (via text, email, calls). I'm also 3 years older. And I and my coworkers don't feel he has too much confidence with women... I happen to be a pretty self-reliant, independent girl with her feet planted on the ground, so I think I'd be scared of me too. I feel like if he does like me, he may be doing what I'm doing, which is waiting for a signal to move forward and be more bold little by little. Because being bold is the only way we can successfully get together. But I can see his timidness of the situation... and I know I am too. I feel a little like I might have to be the one to make the move here. Hence needing a little insight to trust myself and move forward, or try to slowly retreat. Unfortunately for me, the usual solutions people provide "just focusing on me" and pretending the situation doesn't matter, doesn't work for me. I'm just wired to pursue romance... I can't really put it on the back-burner. But I really appreciate any and all help. My friends don't know him, and only know my previous situations, which color their opinions. And I'm not telling my coworkers who do know him - though they do seem to have noticed somethings going on between us. So I really just have myself to consult with... yikes.

But I'd really like some male opinions too! We think so differently, it would help a lot.

[Wakeup]

Yeah I agree with both of you. We are supposed to be seeing each other this month at our company's holiday event... that will be more telling. I'm just trying to get my footing in the meantime. It will take some effort (and reassurance to be brave) to make a move while keeping it covert from a bunch of other coworkers around. So I think it is really helpful to step back from the situation and get some outside opinions when I'm really bouncing back and forth between possibilities. I really like him a lot and have tried to walk away and failed a few times, so it's very important to me to get the ball rolling and stop wading in the water.

I should mention some complications that make it not so cut and dry. We live 2 hours away from each other, so it's tough to just casually ask to go get a drink after work. For us that translates to casually asking one of us to drive 4 hours round-trip. Or both of us to drive 2. There's a lot more pressure on that situation, so it kind of needs to have an actual reason... and to get my guts up, I'd need some serious reassurance. Either one of us blatantly calls it a date, or creepily shows up in the other's city and tries to rendezvous. Neither option is very appealing, especially when the balance of your coworker interaction is at stake. I had kind of tried to close the door to this situation because of the complications, and what wakeup mentioned about him not asking me to hang out. But since he's started to act a lot more interested and then sent me this gift, I've been timidly approaching it as a possibility again. I think his gifts to me and other gestures like that are the only way he can kind of show me his feelings (be it friendly caring or romantic) without being blunt and risking making it weird - or getting in trouble. That's how I show him too. So that's why it was important to me to try to get in his mind about making a decision to send me these things.

I'm not sure that him not immediately coming back with an alternate date constitutes him not wanting to... because I really want to ask him too - but with this distance it kind of turns into a big production. I'm super nervous to do it, so I'd imagine he is too, since I am pretty certain that he is more scared of me than I am of him. I'm kind of his superior at work and we work together all day, every day (via text, email, calls). I'm also 3 years older. And I and my coworkers don't feel he has too much confidence with women... I happen to be a pretty self-reliant, independent girl with her feet planted on the ground, so I think I'd be scared of me too. I feel like if he does like me, he may be doing what I'm doing, which is waiting for a signal to move forward and be more bold little by little. Because being bold is the only way we can successfully get together. But I can see his timidness of the situation... and I know I am too. I feel a little like I might have to be the one to make the move here. Hence needing a little insight to trust myself and move forward, or try to slowly retreat. Unfortunately for me, the usual solutions people provide "just focusing on me" and pretending the situation doesn't matter, doesn't work for me. I'm just wired to pursue romance... I can't really put it on the back-burner. But I really appreciate any and all help. My friends don't know him, and only know my previous situations, which color their opinions. And I'm not telling my coworkers who do know him - though they do seem to have noticed somethings going on between us. So I really just have myself to consult with... yikes.

But I'd really like some male opinions too! We think so differently, it would help a lot.

Whats wrong with having that drink somewhere near where you work and that way no one will have to drive anywhere where they wouldn't have to?

Its all sounding rather complicated an long distance relationships are a pain in the ass anyway. I can see why he's not pursuing ... due to all the complications rather then due to and "timidness" seems more likely.

You work with this guy... how messy is that going to be and like both smackie and I (as well as most others) always say, don't get involved with someone you work with... if it goes south it always gets messy and even more complicating one's emotions and ability to get over that if you have to see each other through work.

Just somethings for you to think about.

[kj2005]

Very true. I agree it's timidness of the situation and consequences. That's why I'm timid too. Were he a guy I met at the bar, it would have already moved way past this stage in whatever direction.

We don't actually see each other at work, he's a sales rep for where he lives (In a different state), which is 2 hours away from the office/where I live. So he's never up here and I'm never down there :/

Our constant interaction is by choice because we really like talking to each other. My other sales reps and I barely talk, we communicate with a quick email or text. So, if it were to go south in the way future, we could have bare minimum contact and still be just as efficient. I do know it isn't easy though. That's part of the reason I've been weighing the options.

I agree it can get really messy, and because of that I had been trying to avoid it, ignore it, and not persue it for over a year. But I just keep ending up liking him more, and he keeps getting closer and more open as well. I do really love working with him, and I really don't want to lose him in that affect, but its getting more difficult to ignore and really frustrating. Our coworkers have already started to ask questions and make comments too, so it kind of feels like something needs to happen inevitably. It is possible though that he can ignore it better than I can, or it doesn't mean as much to him though.

[Wakeup]

Very true. I agree it's timidness of the situation and consequences. That's why I'm timid too. Were he a guy I met at the bar, it would have already moved way past this stage in whatever direction.

Well its not ideal in any sense of the word even if he does have a crush on you so that is a very good reason to end the over compensating (no matter what he means by doing it) No?

We don't actually see each other at work, he's a sales rep for where he lives (In a different state), which is 2 hours away from the office/where I live. So he's never up here and I'm never down there :/

And how do you suppose you would nurture a relationship when that is the case?

Our constant interaction is by choice because we really like talking to each other. My other sales reps and I barely talk, we communicate with a quick email or text. So, if it were to go south in the way future, we could have bare minimum contact and still be just as efficient. I do know it isn't easy though. That's part of the reason I've been weighing the options.

You would have 'bare minimum contact' even if it doesn't go south.

I agree it can get really messy, and because of that I had been trying to avoid it, ignore it, and not persue it for over a year. But I just keep ending up liking him more, and he keeps getting closer and more open as well. I do really love working with him, and I really don't want to lose him in that affect, but its getting more difficult to ignore and really frustrating. Our coworkers have already started to ask questions and make comments too, so it kind of feels like something needs to happen inevitably. It is possible though that he can ignore it better than I can, or it doesn't mean as much to him though.

I just think he's being more logical about it and, as I said over-compensating and the fact that he never followed up on your invite to get a drink... well even if he is crushing he's certainly not crushing enough to move this interaction forward.

You'd do well to keep it professional and view his gifts and schmoozing.