Am I bi?

[YoungCosmo]

Funny enough, the title is also a too sexy lyric from Berlin's "I'm a (Sex..)." That may seem like irrelevant, outdated trivia but I've been drinking a TON lately. The more I drink, the more I question whether or not I am really bi. I only came out as "open" to close friends since around the exact time that I've been heavily drinking, which now has me thinking since I have the worst record with girls ever that I've only been drinking so I can accept having sex and dating guys so much easier. But then I thought maybe I drink and think about being bi to disguise being secretly gay. However, I like girls way too much to be gay. Then that got me to thinking about liking girls sub-subconscious to disguise being gay. Is this the normal sexual orientation question even normal? What is "confused"? Confused is only a term for normal people to make sense of their orientation.

Anyway, so I've had sexual encounters with guys and it's made me wonder if my extremely terrible record with girls has reached some sort of breaking point to where it's manifested as a mental illness so that my previously (or totally) straight ego has given up on girls to take what I can get (I've always had men interested in me). I've felt a lot happier since I switched my OkCupid to bi (not going to say gay because that feels like a misrepresentation but what do I do know?) but I just wonder if it's the euphoria of being desired and liked by one gender at least that I am doing it. I can't even listen to songs that have girls being sexual. The more I think about being with a guy, the less time I spend thinking about what I can't get which is girls.

I was feeling pretty good, dating guys, and then I remembered a repressed memory about a friend possibly hooking up with a girl that I've fallen in and been in love with since. Thinking about it now, you might as well have shot my dog in front of me because that was really traumatic. Oddly enough that was when I began noticing men (usually way older) being into me and slightly starting to question my orientation.

So bi? Drunkard? Pathetic man, maybe not even and never will be a man and instead a permanent boy, who has to channel his sexual drive into doing stuff with men because it beats manual stimulation?

[breathe123]

Read some of your posts around on this subject ~ I don't know lots of people are bi, & that's o-k if you are more choices But I think you just gave up on women because nothing went right for you, if it had you wouldn't have went elsewhere to explore your sexuality, make sense? When you dream who are you making out with more, men or women, just curious?

[YoungCosmo]

That does make plenty of sense so that would logically help lean towards yes although emotions aren't logical so maybe it is more ambiguous...I heard a good term recently. Fluid was what they called.

And lately I've been switching in fantasies with girls and guys but I only spend time thinking about guys when I get a few messages online from potential dates. So that still has me thinking maybe it's just a matter of trying to compromise

[dollhouse]

Do you really think you could be mentally ill because you like men now and didn't before? I think a therapist could help you work through all those thoughts and feelings more than an internet forum could. Maybe you always were bi, or gay and that is why relationships with women didn't work as you wanted you weren't being your true self with them.

[YoungCosmo]

I've got the solution! Drink tons everyday and then date/have sex with men, fully giving up on girls. It's not fair that I have to but I don't have a choice. Take what you can get, I say!

[breathe123]

You can only do what you need to do & can make you happy, whatever it is. Do family & friends accept your sexuality or you hide it? Maybe if you hide that is the problem, not that you are bi.

[YoungCosmo]

I've never told my mom and dad. The idea scares the hell out of me.

[Wakeup]

I've got the solution! Drink tons everyday and then date/have sex with men, fully giving up on girls. It's not fair that I have to but I don't have a choice. Take what you can get, I say![/

Alert to all farmers... lock up yer goats.

[Birna]

hey o/

I don't see why you should have to label yourself, perhaps you are one of those people who only like others for who they are, not based on gender or looks, if you want a label for it its "Pan-Sexual" like you wrote, you like girls too much to be entirely gay, you don't have to be entirely gay, you can be gay for only a certain man or men and only straight for a certain girl or girls.... really if you were to really dig into human sexuality you would find that there is no "normal"... as for fearing talking to your parents about it.... talk to your mom first, and be honest about all your insecurities.... mothers tend to be more protective and considerate towards their sons than men(according to an article I read in "Visindi" magasine in Iceland and various sources online)

and in my own experience I personally felt better, like MUCH better, once I stopped trying to fit into societies tiny little boxes that no one actually fits perfectly into. make love with those you want to, don't be ashamed of your self and be true and honest to yourself.