Boyfriend said he needs space.. *no contact for 1 week*

[HelloPeople]

Hi,

I need some advice please, or rather just to read something that will put my mind at ease. My bf and I have been together for a year now, and of course we have had our ups and downs during that period. However about 6 months ago we had "space" then as well for a week with no contact, this was when he lost his job he said he didn't know what he wanted in his life so wanted a break. Back then because our r/s was newer there were a few more issues (that have since been resolved and no longer linger). He ended up staying with me and we worked through things, while things progressed and got better..

Now..
He lost his job again and is feeling very down and lost in his life due to this. Suddenly he became very evasive with contact, and blunt.. He then called and said we need space a week apart with no contact (we don't live together).

He said he doesn't know what he wants to do in his life anymore, I asked what about us? He said that he doesn't know the answers to anything and to stop pushing for answers. I said ok well I love you and i'll talk to you later then.. he said he does love me too and care about me.

Please can somebody tell me that he is just doing this out of being stressed, and overwhelmed with his life right now.

I asked if it was anything I was doing that caused this and he said "no your perfect"..

It hurts so badly freaking out and not knowing if he is contemplating ending things with us.

Please help.

[smackie9]

Obviously he suffers from anxiety and lacks coping skills....think about it, would you want to be married to a man that drops everything and disappears for awhile because he can't cope and not deal with life like a frickin man? This is twice now, with conflict in between.....how many times are you willing to put your life on hold for this crap. He sucks as a BF, it's time for YOU to take a break and reassess. Seriously you need some self worth. Maybe you need to do some reading on codependency....you are spending all your time trying to fix him.....and all you get is hurt. UNHEALTHY relationship. This will never change, your relationship will always be like this.....it sucks.

[HelloPeople]

Obviously he suffers from anxiety and lacks coping skills....think about it, would you want to be married to a man that drops everything and disappears for awhile because he can't cope and not deal with life like a frickin man? This is twice now, with conflict in between.....how many times are you willing to put your life on hold for this crap. He sucks as a BF, it's time for YOU to take a break and reassess. Seriously you need some self worth. Maybe you need to do some reading on codependency....you are spending all your time trying to fix him.....and all you get is hurt. UNHEALTHY relationship. This will never change, your relationship will always be like this.....it sucks.

Thanks for your reply..

Yeah totally see that side of things to an extent BUT the way i'm seeing it is that maybe he just copes with stress like this, and he is simply overwhelmed by everything in his life and it's just a simple case of space without having to worry to contact me while he sorts his head and other areas of life out? I read online too that this can be normal for men to behave like this under severe stress and that's how they handle their stressed emotions..

[smackie9]

Some men might handle their stress like this BUT for the average man no this is not normal. A stable reliable man turns to his partner for support because being a couple is a partnership.....why do you think they put "for better or for worse" in wedding vows. Running away with his tail between his legs at the first sign of trouble is an unreliable man. What the hell are you supposed to do if you have children and a mortgage.....you going to support them alone while he goes and hides from his responsibilities. Stop making excuses for this poor excuse of a man. life is tough he needs to suck it up and stop being a princess. And you are just an enabler letting him get away with it again. He will never learn anything without consequences for his piss poor behavior.

[HelloPeople]

I don't think the above is fair. He may be the way he deals with stress - some people deal with stress better than others. I'm not making excuses for him i'm just saying that I respect if this is his way of dealing with his things and clearing his mind.
He obviously was/is in a bad head space at the moment so putting space in the relationship is a way for him to feel better (or at least get in a better head space) - if he still depressed I would still be there for him.. I just think he's doing this for him self.

I'm trying to think and feel the positives here to avoid driving myself mentally crazy..

[smackie9]

Well HellPeople, I don't think it'sfair for HIM put that kind of emotional stress on YOU.

Points to consider:

[URL=https://www.loveforum.net/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1]#1[/URL] -"We have our ups and downs" A stable solid healthy relationship does have it's "ups and downs". That is a sign of a struggling unhealthy relationship. You obviously haven't made any progress if problems keep arising with this guy. TBH in the early stages of a relationship, it should be easy and blissful, not challenging.

[URL=https://www.loveforum.net/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2]#2[/URL] -I would question his inability to keep a job. Me being a boss, over the 24 years at my company, the inability to handle/cope with situations or to work with others is the number one reason why people get fired/let go/laid off.

[URL=https://www.loveforum.net/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=3-]#3-[/URL] You DO keep making excuses for him, because you keep convincing yourself you need to put up with it. You give him all the control, and this is where you fail, you let him get away with it and you ignore all the red flags. Why the hell do you want to keep feeling on edge all the time wondering when the next wave of crap/stress comes along. It's so wrong.

You want to stop getting all crazy, tell him you want to breakup with him and move on. Removing yourself from this situation will help you gain some self worth, and see you deserve to be with someone that doesn't make you feel awful.

[JChristie]

it is true, some men seem unable to be good communicators. and it is definitely true that some people have difficult things to deal with when they lose a job. insecurity, confusion, fear, worry and more. and these emotions are also hard on you, his partner. even though going away from you is difficult, it is possible that it could be more difficult for you to see him when he was feeling so negative and confused. trying to share difficult times and learning to lean on each other can bring a new depth to any relationship, if it survives!

it does sound like you are pretty committed to the relationship and feel insecure because there is no real commitment between you. since no one has a crystal ball, the best we can do is stay focused on keeping ourselves healthy and fabulous. we can have sympathy for someone who is going through difficult times, but we will be less of a help to them if we have been thinking all kinds of doubting and negtive thoughts about the relationship,

i can't say it enough, have faith and be happy. this will make a man want to be with you much more than heavy drama....

and if you want, i have a free ebook on my website to help you keep a man! i know! go to [url=http://www.dating4women.com]Dating advice for women - dating4women.com[/url] and get the free ebook now.

[milk&honey]

If you really want to keep this relationship then you'll have to accept the fact that he's like this and you'll have to be his rock and support him through everything he does. He seems to be someone who needs a lot of emotional support so you have to be up for this. I don't think he can handle the stress really well but both of you can go through this together.