Communication issues

[Knoxane]

I have been with my bf for three years now. The relationship has had its ups and downs but we have come a long way. Recently I have been thinking more about marriage and how it would be married to my bf. I feel we still have some issues we need to address but the problem is whenever I try to talk about anything to him he gets very defensive and tells me he gets it and to stop repeating myself because he knows already. When I try to tell him about it he gets mad and says i am calling him names and that he gets it that I want to be with someone else. I get upset so I drop the issue but I bottle it up inside because I can never say what I want to say to the fullest without him just telling me he already gets it and knows. I never call him names or say anything regarding being with another person. I try to voice my concerns but he interprets it as me attacking him. We have revisited this issue time and time again I have read endless articles on how to talk to a person and not to point fingers and so on and I have told him so many times about how i feel about me not being able to talk about my concerns. It is so frustrating and I am lost at what I should do about it at this point.

Lately it has bothered me how we are 24 and I currently am working on my career and have goals set for myself and for our future. He has no realistic goals, he dropped out of college and a few months ago quit his job to go on unemployment because he was tired of working manual labor jobs and said he wanted to find something better because his back has started bothering him and he was worried about the toxic substances around him. I fully supported his choice and tried helping him look for schools or jobs whatever he wanted. In the past few months though he has not looked up any jobs or schools. Nothing. He just sits at home and is letting time and opportunities pass him by. His mother found him a job doing manual labor for cash and he took it a few weeks ago. Now he found a job doing more manual labor and for way less money then he was making before. It upset me when I found out because it went against everything he said, and he made no effort to do anything, his mom was the one searching for these jobs and even set up the interviews! Plus he could go be a cashier somewhere for the same money but he refuses to do that. he didnt even look once on his own for a job. He has great work ethic but it is dangerous working at jobs like he is at, he isnt even part of a union, has no benefits, and that his mom is looking for these jobs upsets me too it makes me feel like he is still a child. It makes me doubt our future because I want security and someone who is responsible.

Not sure what to do, it sucks because I feel there are so many ways to fix and work on my concerns before marriage but I can never tell him because if I say I have doubts about marriage he interprets it as me wanting other people and the whole conversations turns into me having to prove to him that I dont want other people and then I never get to say what I want to. Lol sorry a bit frustrated...

[Mathias]

If you have issues and he's not willing to work on them, you need to leave.

[Wakeup]

Dating is for the purpose to find out who you were original in lust and infatuation with is going to make a good life partner for you and if you are compatible enough to make a life together.

Obviously this little unmotivated boy you were infatuated with in the beginning hasn't turned out to be someone you would be happy spending the rest of your life with and you nagging him about changing into who you would want him to be is definitely not motivating him to change himself no matter how nicely you put it.

Time to break up with him because you and his mother caretaking him through his life isn't helping him in the least to grow into a man. The enabling his mother is doing, the codependent relationship she has with him isn't helping him in the least either.

You are not compatible enough to last a lifetime together so get yourself away from him, stop wasting your good dating years that you should be using to find someone more on the same motivated page as yourself.

You will not change him. Know that and stop trying to control while failing at it. You will drive yourself nuts and he will only continue to think your attempts at improving him to be nagging.

[butterfly712]

my bf is the same way,he went to Michigan and didn't tell me he was going to be going,he did tell me that he's going to be moving there,he got a job position there working at the company he works for,now he told me that he's going to be moving there sooner,I tried asking him when he's going to be moving there,he didn't answer me.

[jenniferaniston]

I think you should move on and broke up with him because a person who didn't listen you and your problem will never marry you and you will be not happy with him .So think about this as it is a very big decision for your future benefits.