You've probably heard it all before...

[Commander]

Sorry, I am one of those total newbies who is just jumping in when they are in trouble. But, I am in trouble.

I have been with my husband for eight years, six of them married. We have three children; an older daughter (19) from my previous relationship, a 6.5 year old daughter and 5 year old son.

We get on quite well or very well most of the time. Marriage has its ups and downs but most of them I consider within the normal range. We have always been quite a fiery couple and had yelling matches in the past, which with tme have decreased in their intensity and frequency.

However, my husband threatens to leave me when arguments turn particularly bad or nasty.

For instance tonight we went out for our six year wedding anniversary. Towards the end of the meal I started to tell my husband that although we had our ups and downs, I always considered we were rock solid at the end of the day. However during my speech his attention was on the table behind us, which was being a bit boisterous. I got annoyed and did let him know.

Then at the end of dinner I was expecting we would go out. We had a babysitter organised etc. But my husband was not keen and I let him know I was upset, as I thought we were going to make a night of it.

We argued a bit about it all, back and forth. And then my husband said that he wanted to die, I was ruining his life and why were we even together.

This is a total mish-mash of information. I guess what I am asking is: could my husband be depressed and should I be more patient.

We are amazing together about 20% of the time, really good about 70% of the time, and then the other 10% we are horrible to each other. I am sure I am just as horrible to him as he is to me. However I try never to say I will leave him.

I guess, after a lot of round-about s***... Is it worth staying with someone who you get on well with most of the time, if only every now and then they say it's not good enough and they want out.

[woody]

That's a difficult one there lady and may I start by saying, true, all marriages have their up's and down's but you already know this.

10% horrible? Like really low blow, nasty, bringing out the big guns full on horrible?

For him to say what he said on your anniversary of all times must have been quite the humdinger for you. I'm sorry you didn't get the romantic evening out you two deserved. Yes, I think he may be depressed but getting him into a Dr. to talk about this would be a battle no? So, what do you do about it? I would ask if there are overwhelming financial or career stresses taking place that may be contributing to any mood swings.
If not, the fact you two have passion, a.k.a fiery tendencies that sometimes escalate into battle mode may be a factor. But I'll also say, many couples argue well together and as you said, the 'big battles' have decreased but may have taken a toll.

I really don't know what I could say to offer any solution because your the one in it, not me. But I will ask you this. Are you happy?
Are you two able to get away now and then just the two of you? Are there hobbies that take you out of the house now and then? How about him?
If he is indeed battling depression, you have to find a way to get him into the Dr. to address and remedy this. When the brain is imbalanced and dark thought flood the mind, the soul, it can be a hopeless feeling that affects the whole family and I really hope you two figure it out and get back to the reasons you fell in love in the first place.
Don't take any hurtful things he says too much to heart. Know it's the depression talking, not your husband. Get him some help. Be patient and take care of yourself too.
Everything will be alright there lady.