Lost the control

[ivey444]

I have been speaking to this girl for a while but there was a period where we stopped talking for a while and the reason we started talking again was because she was in contact with me. Our conversations got more flirty and it would always be me that ended the conversation or took a long time to reply and now we are going out on a first date in a few days time but in the last few days as my feelings have grown it seems like the tide has turned and now she is the one that will take a while to reply or break the conversation. Is there a way to try and regain the control, it feels horrible thinking she maybe losing interest and causes me to constantly obsess over checking for a message etc

[basilandthyme]

Relationships aren't about control. They are about having mutual interest and mutual desire to stay in contact.

Text and messages are lame anyway. Focus on the upcoming date and see how the two of you manage face to face in a date scenario.

[ivey444]

Relationships aren't about control. They are about having mutual interest and mutual desire to stay in contact.

Text and messages are lame anyway. Focus on the upcoming date and see how the two of you manage face to face in a date scenario.

Yea I just found it hard that as soon as I start messaging back right a way etc she starts slowly replying instead! Tbh we have messaged quite a bit last few days, I need to understand there are other people in the world too!
Yeah I can't stand only messages, face to face so much easier but this will be the first time it will happen from over 3 months of contact so pretty nervous now!

[lissa]

The way to regain control is to remember that you don't need her, you aren't desperate for her. Once you remember that, you will stop thinking constantly about winning her over, begging her for her attention, etc. and things will just naturally balance out again. A woman will simply sense when you are no longer desperate. And if she doesn't like you anymore and is pulling away, well there's nothing you can do about that but if you're already working on your own self worth, you will be able to move on more quickly than if you were obsessed with her. Good luck!

[Wakeup]

Op: The worse thing you can do is to chase someone who appears to be running away from you... it will only make them run faster. Text when she texts you and always end your text with a question or a "I'll talk to you later" and then do what you've said you'll do. Its a fine dance between TWO people and if you find that you're always the one initiating then it's your turn to stop chasing and let her stop and realize where you got to.

Good luck on your first date. Just be you and keep Lissa's advice in mind that she's just a girl and right now you have nothing to lose if things don't work out except an opportunity... there will be lots of those in your future if this one doesn't pan out.