Am I reading too much into this?

[SDelight]

If a guy is messages/calls everyday and tells he isn't interested in me relationship wise at the moment, and yet when I back off (like no talking) he still comes around and somehow contacts me. Is he just trying to be nice and be there as a friend? I got pretty hurt and have been trying to maintain some distance and talk normal (even though its eating me inside). He knows pretty much how my schedule is and vice versa that its just scary because I don't think most of my other guy friends contact me like that. I can even tell him when my period is! That kinda thing! LOL. He told he doesn't want to hurt anyone and thought by talking that it would help me. I just don't know though as deep down I feel he is in a self-denial (that he may like me also) OR he just is trying to be nice.

[Anonymous10]

Would he be gay it sounds like that? it's strange that a guy would be pursuing a girl like that as friendship. How long u known him and why is he not into a relationship specifically?

[SDelight]

hahaha the gay part made me laugh! Yea, he wants to be friends. We've known eachother maybe a year now (I started to like him like 4 months back). He is right now in the process of some career/country change at the moment. I sometimes feel he may like me and is not admitting it to himself or realizing it maybe. I have backed off though (as in no emotions/telling how I feel, etc) and I stopped calling (he used to ask). It has died down calling wise, but I notice if I don't text at all in a day he will text something or send me a picture of his pet or something.

[Anonymous10]

He told he doesn't want to hurt anyone and thought by talking that it would help me. I just don't know though as deep

Sorry missed this part earlier he doesn't like u that way just as friend. I'll admit the situation is a bit strange though.
As a guy we are never in denial when we like a girl she'll just know it even if we're trying to hide it.
This sounds like friends someone's who's interested would be sending flirty txts and trying to arrange dates regardless of his situation trust me. Only question is are u comfortable staying friends now that u want more?
His loss anyway!!

- - - Updated - - -

Glad I made u laugh..let's hope he's not gay!!! ha ha ha

[SDelight]

I am ok being friends, but right now talking alittle less often. It will heal in time. I suppose. AH life. lol

[woody]

Sometimes people don't really know what they want. They like someone but when feelings start becoming reciprocated, they clam up, retreat. So then the other person backs off and BOOM, they miss the attentions so they start reeling them in again.

Sounds like your friend wishes to have you in his life but is doubtful of himself in some way that keeps him at bay. Not exactly fair on you though is it? Nope.
Each time you pull back, he comes closer, that is, until you do too and then, off he goes again. An odd cycle. Up to you what your willing to tolerate.

[SDelight]

Nice advice yes. I think he is unsure of himself and is in a bit in self-denial. Its not fair on me nope. IT is an odd cycle when this could be easier. Don't see why people like a chase. Maybe keeps a mystery. I kept quiet for almost ten days and today he is joking around a lot with light humour and was so concerned on my chat status and picture (as it looked like I was sad apparently). SO I think will stick around and not expect anything and will slowly back away like I have been. Mmmmm yea.

[woody]

te hehe. Hhmm. Up to you of course but i'll say this too. It's nice to have a friend. If you two get along well and have a good time, no need to close up shop completely right? Just uh, keep the key close and hire a bouncer. Meaning, protect that heart of yours.
Sounds like you got knowledge of the situation which is the main battle right there so, yeah, your in good shape.

peas

[Wakeup]

no, no, no.

Do Not remain friends with someone that you have romantic feelings for. It will stagnate you from finding someone that actually wants to be on the same page as you. It will also cause problems in any new relationship you form when your new boyfriend doesn't like you giving your time to another man... especially one you have had romantic feelings for and are (more times then not) pretending you still don't have those feelings.

Fade as you have been until it's complete severed and in the meantime get on with your life without him in it.

My motto: Never allow yourself to settle for the demoted state of Just Friend when you want to be romantic with someone.

[woody]

yes yes yes. tee hee. just kidding. you know, sometimes I feel like i'm the devil on one shoulder and your the kick ass angel on the other and sometimes we are reversed. Ah, but there is at least, rounded advice offered and there's nothing wrong with that.

Maybe the O.p and this dude in question are just in the initial phases of knowing each other and they don't even fully know what they are at the moment. Then again, perhaps if I was told advice like that (your advice)long ago, it'd a saved me a huge spell of the blues.

[SDelight]

LOL....this is so funny. You two are funny. Yea I am fading and he seems to be messaging if I do not message at all. Like today and I am choosing to not respond to it. We talk normal (but inside its eating me up sometimes), he is making jokes and trying to make me laugh, tells me about his day and all and is asking about me. I do not tell him my emotions at all. If he wants something he can tell me but even if he did I don't know if I would jump right away. He is going through some things at the moment so I know this is a reason why he isn't initiating anything at the moment. I agree though, it shouldn't judge me when I do meet another person and to be honest I wouldn't put another person in that position. I don't want to be on a rope either so trying to break the romantic feelings I have. He is a good person so yea. I still feel he is in a self-denial but I cannot change that.

[fearoflove]

He wants to be friends but kept texting you? That is code for a guy who doesn't want a relationship but wants to keep you there for attention and potentially friends with benefit. You get infatuated too easily. This means, being friends with him will be hard and will only make you feel more attached over time. Being friends only works if you don't have strong feelings.

[SDelight]

Yup I agree. I stopped texting him back during his nights (as I am not being a cushion for emotion). I NEVER initiate any conversations over the past month. I have stopped all phone calls since Jan end. So how am I getting infatuated easily? I am taking bold steps to remove my feelings from the situation. It is code for a guy wanting to keep me for emotional bonds (but he does not realize that like most men). But I don't think I am going into this expecting anything. I have backed off a lot and am not indulging much to him much as I have other things to do. So in time I know that I can handle being just friends. Life brings us struggles but we get over them ya.

[woody]

Your doing just fine. I think (though I could be wrong) what 'fearoflove' meant with the infatuation comment was a hypothetical risk anyone puts themselves in when we see a friend in ways 'friendlier'... am i making sense? probably not.
Your the one there. By your latest post, sounds like your working it all out. Who knows, maybe he's going through stuff but you can't be on the end of a yo yo as that may make you dizzy and we all know we function better when our feet can firmly stand our own ground. So, here's to new ground for you...
Good on you.
regards,
woody.

[SDelight]

lol...yea I know that comment was not to trash me out and to keep me in a reality check. I normally would put out and block but this guy spent 4-5 hours hearing me out (last month) and he understood the situation. He is a good person and if I am friends he will be a great friend. I just need to sit back (you know, like deal with myself) and then jump in and you know when a girl can do that its empowering. To know that we can get out of struggles and not have enemies/grudges. We can't force people into feelings nor can we slash every person that doesn't accept. Even though I feel he may like me deep deep down, I am not initiating anything now. He had the chance a couple times. So now its like screw it and life rock on. LOL *P.S> my cat is running around psycho*.