Just being played?

[jennk625]

I have been friends with this guy for around 5 months now, he recently moved to my town at that time. About 2.5 months ago we started hanging out more. At the time he was still in contact with a girl from the city he had moved from that he claimed he had a sexual relationship only with, that they weren't dating/never had. According to him he had told her multiple times they weren't going to date but that she still contacted him and she would come visit him and stay the weekend. We had a discussion where we both told each other we had feelings for each other, but I told him that I was not going to be treated the same way as her and if we were going to get to know each other, I would like to know it was over with her before I'd even want to start spending more time together. He told me it was over about 2 months ago.

Him and I started hanging out a lot and spending most every weekend together. Then a few weeks later, I noticed she was again texting/calling him. I got upset and asked him what was going on with her since he had told me it was done. He claimed they were just friends and that she hadn't done anything wrong so he didn't see a reason not to be friends with her. I have told him that this makes me feel like he doesn't actually care about me since he doesn't seem to mind that him talking to her upsets me. He also doesn't often initiate plans and if he does it is usually a same day invite to hang out that night or an invite the day before. He has never planned a proper date for us, and only contacts me via text every few days. These things have been weighing on me to the point that i have cried about 3 times in the last month in front of him as he is always telling me he wants us to have open communication. Every conversation he has assured me that he wants to be with me, that he is choosing me over her and that he thinks about me all the time even if he's not in contact. He says he doesn't understand how I don't feel like he cares since he spends so much time with me and since he is constantly telling me these things. I feel bad about getting upset, because this is so unlike me, but I just feel like i'm being misled about his relationship with this girl. I have held off having sex with him yet as i've wanted to be sure he was done with her.

Last weekend I was away on vacation and he called me/texted and stayed in contact. I then found out from a friend that this girl had come to visit and stayed the entire weekend at his house. He claimed that they didn't sleep together and that he had no idea she was coming. He told me that they again had discussed that they would never date. I just find this very hard to believe that she just happened to show up the one weekend I was gone. When I asked him why he didn't ask her to leave if he cared about my feelings like he was saying he did he acted like I was rude for thinking he should tell her to leave. He told me that he knew he'd been selfish, stupid, wrong and that he'd hurt me and that he thought I should put him on probation and decide if I want to move forward with him, that he knew he needed to make it up to me. But since then he's been standoffish and has not wanted to spend any time with me. This has left me feeling bad like I did something wrong or pushed him away by being honest about my feelings/getting upset, but I know deep down I deserve someone that wont hide/lie like i believe he is doing. I really like this guy and love spending time with him, but don't feel like I can trust him. Is he just playing us both?

[Anonymous10]

Get out u can't trust him now or ever...simple as that. He knows your feelings and still did what he did. He doesn't respect you and u deserve way better

[Wakeup]

Jenn: This is not the first forum you've posted this disaster on and everyone is telling you the same thing... To leave the schmuck and find someone that values you enough to give up fvck buddies for you. Hell, find someone that wouldn't dream of even having no strings attached sex because they are more likely to be monogamous in nature.

Stop trying to get a different answer. You know that the answer is to break up with him. He's a player and he's not, anytime soon, going to give up a twit who will lay him on his command. The minute you're not there, she is? Come On! Your gut is telling you what to as well as all us strangers.

[fearoflove]

I can tell you have your head straight and isn't being delusional about this. Good for you.

[nootkan]

Yes the time is now to move on and find another guy who will treat you the way you want him to. If a guy allows a previous girl friend whom he has slept with to stay over on a weekend that you are away then he is definitely playing you.

[smackie9]

He's been lying to you from the beginning. He hoped that he could pull off the same crap (and I know he lied to her too) as he did with her, but since you called him out on it and he knows he can't get away with it, he has lost interest. The jig is up and now he can't play you. You were smart to keep your legs closed, this guy is an a-hole. Don't make friends with guys that treat women like this.