Longtime friend and new boyfriend.. odd behavior.. my heart hurts. Help.

[n33dlove]

My boyfriend and I have been good friends since highschool (15 years). We just started officially dating 4 months ago.

I love him to death... i am on cloud 9 every single day..... he lives an hour away, so i go there every weekend. Two weekends ago he asked me to move in with him in June.. I said yes.. SO HAPPY... but the next day he went to work and went to grab a rubber band from the junk drawer. I noticed his condom stash looked like there were less... I asked him about it in a very non confrontational way.. Apparently there actually was one missing and he told me the reason was that he used it on himself bc his penis was raw and didn't want masturbating to hurt. I questioned it at first but then told him I believed him.. everything seemed normal. The next week he was distant throughout the week. I saw him that weekend and he brought it up. He said he was distant because he was pissed that I thought he was cheating. Anyways...that weekend was great he was normal and lovey dovey ... asking me to go on vacation soon and i felt happy. But that Monday.. he started being super distant again and just plain ignoring me with no explanation. So I asked him if he needed some space and he finally responded... he said yes. Then texts me while I am teaching at school Friday and says "we should break up".... I finally talked to him on the phone later and he said we will continue being together but taking it slower. He told me he didn't love me anymore and that he can't be w me bc I don't trust him. Ok.. I found a missing condom and still believed him. I wasn't looking for it or counting them either.. The pile just seemed smaller. Then he said he doesn't know about loving me bc he's confused and angry right now.. So we hang up and I don't hear back from him till Sunday finally.. Not a single word on Valentines day. And now we are texting a decent amount of time.. mostly sexual but sometimes normal stuff. I got one "I love you beautiful" and I have gotten a couple "Goodnight sweethearts" out of him this week. So I'm in this horrible spot.. My heart is being ripped into pieces and I don't know what to do. I love him so much and I do trust him...Or else I wouldn't be with him.. So I went from cloud 9 and possibly moving in... To this.. A wreck. And I don't know if he even wants to be w me now but I don't want to keep bringing it up because I'm trying to just go with the flow and not nag him about it. I would do anything for him. I hurt so bad. At this point its mostly me starting the conversations and I really want to see him.. its been two weeks. I don't know if he is just angry bc he thinks I don't trust him and he just doesn't know how to deal with anger.. or if he is leading me on? How could he dispose of me so easily?

How do I make him want me again? How do I get him to want to see me? We are absolutely perfect and happy and loving together... He usually initiates hugs/kisses/love you's... and now I am lost and trying not to beg. </3

[Wakeup]

"How do you make him want you again?" WTF. He's an asshole who is likely cheating on you and spend V-day with the woman he's cheating on you with. Instead of reassuring you he turns it around on you and tells you that he can't be with you because you don't trust him?.... This guy has manipulation down to a science.

Even if he's not cheating he's still a little boy who has learned to manipulate instead of communicating and resolving. Surely after 15 years of know him you've seen a less then stellar pattern in his romantic relationships.

This is a red flag about the true essence that is him and it ain't nice. Beware!

Do some recognisance on where he was and who he was with on V-day when he contacts you. Don't contact him again. You're just showing him he can treat you like shit and you'll strive even harder to be with him and jump through his manipulative hoops.

- - - Updated - - -

adding: If you are constantly questioning him, if this isn't your first confrontation regarding mis-trusting him then I don't blame him for cooling his jets on this relationship. If it's the first, then what I said above is still on.

[woody]

Yeah, I'm going to have to go along with WakeUp on this one.

Dear Lady, I know you hurting and confused with his hot then cold behaviour but I'm going to ask you to take yourself out of the situation and look back in with a fresh set of eyes. See the warning signs. His wishy washy "I love you beautiful" "I don't love you", "I want you, I don't want you" mumbo jumbo make up your mind already IS NOT cool... and you know it. Deep down, you do.
I get that when you two are cozy, life is grand. Yet if he cannot muster the level of commitment or at least hold to it, are you really going to be that girl on the end of anyones line?
I would suggest some serious time for reflection, self worth, pride awareness and self love for you lady. You know what he's doing isn't cool. Even if he is a good guy, to pull you in and then push you out over and over again is only showing him that your alright with this and well, your not. Nor should you be.

If buddy needs space, I think you should give him all the space in the World and show him you will not under any circumstances be treated this way. Mote it be so.
oh yeah, and the condom thing? His excuse for the missing one? Come on. Plenty of lubrication options in a household that don't require opening a condom. Follow your gut. You may have known this chap for a long time and are old friends but he is NOT the be all end all. Lots of good men out there. Don't sell yourself short.

Even if he genuinely does have love for you yet is feeling the uncertainty of moving in, he's going about it the wrong way and your letting him by continuing to be there when it's convenient for him. wtf right? Right. Sometimes it is easier, clearer when we take ourselves out of our personal situation and think of ourselves in a third party way. Like, if you were your sister or dear friend, what would you tell yourself?

[n33dlove]

What he is doing is not fair and very confusing. I don't think he wants to hurt me on purpose... but I am being crushed.
I am not sure if he is angry because he doesn’t think I trust him and he just doesn’t know how to handle his anger.. perhaps this is like a tantrum and he just isn’t over being angry yet? Or maybe there is someone else. Maybe after he asked me to move in and I started noticing things he panicked and got cold feet.

I don’t know.. I just want my relationship to be back to normal.. I was so happy. I should have just kept my mouth shut and because I didn’t… I ruined everything.

I just want him to chase me.. want me.. miss me.. want to see me. :-(

Yeah, I'm going to have to go along with WakeUp on this one.

Dear Lady, I know you hurting and confused with his hot then cold behaviour but I'm going to ask you to take yourself out of the situation and look back in with a fresh set of eyes. See the warning signs. His wishy washy "I love you beautiful" "I don't love you", "I want you, I don't want you" mumbo jumbo make up your mind already IS NOT cool... and you know it. Deep down, you do.
I get that when you two are cozy, life is grand. Yet if he cannot muster the level of commitment or at least hold to it, are you really going to be that girl on the end of anyones line?
I would suggest some serious time for reflection, self worth, pride awareness and self love for you lady. You know what he's doing isn't cool. Even if he is a good guy, to pull you in and then push you out over and over again is only showing him that your alright with this and well, your not. Nor should you be.

If buddy needs space, I think you should give him all the space in the World and show him you will not under any circumstances be treated this way. Mote it be so.
oh yeah, and the condom thing? His excuse for the missing one? Come on. Plenty of lubrication options in a household that don't require opening a condom. Follow your gut. You may have known this chap for a long time and are old friends but he is NOT the be all end all. Lots of good men out there. Don't sell yourself short.

Even if he genuinely does have love for you yet is feeling the uncertainty of moving in, he's going about it the wrong way and your letting him by continuing to be there when it's convenient for him. wtf right? Right. Sometimes it is easier, clearer when we take ourselves out of our personal situation and think of ourselves in a third party way. Like, if you were your sister or dear friend, what would you tell yourself?

[Wakeup]

You mean you'd surpress your own emotions so that you don't rock the boat with him? That's called walking on egg shells and it's no way to live your life. If you are with an asshole then accept that fact and get yourself away from him. Don't settle for an asshole. Love is NOT enough of a reason to stay in a relationship with someone. Its people like you that have caused the divorce rate to be so high... you know that who you are with is not a good lifepartner but you're too afraid to leave and have to start over so you stay for the emotional abuse and settle and keep your mouth shut even when each episode of manipulation and deflecting gets worse and worse.. Newsflash: That is what women had to do prior to equal rights and job parity. Its not 1920 anymore. You aren't trapped to live out your life with an asshole.

What you asked is not indicative of you receiving the capital punishment he's inflicting on you. Have the good self love to know that.

Adding: I ask again: Was this the first time you questioned his fidelity or have you been on him about this type of thing before and this was the straw that broke the camels back?

[woody]

o.p,
Often when people ARE guilty, they deflect with harsh attitudes, cruel moves and often attempt to throw blame back at the person asking questions. It sounds to me like this is the case here. Knowing your crushed with missing him right now won't be easy but now is the time to ask yourself some hard questions.
IF it walks like, talks like, it usually is.

You'll be alright. Take it in stride. Go out and occupy your time with some new things; this will help you move on.

[n33dlove]

I saw him yesterday and he seemed normal (cuddly and hugging me etc.) besides not saying I love you or I missed you. I gave him the V-day gift I had gotten him and he didn't like it. Our friend is visiting from out of town this weekend so i was planning to join... he said this weekend was a guy weekend. So after this I will have seen him only 1 day out of 4 weeks. He also still never acknowledged valentines day.. we were supposed to make it up sometime.

How do I make him want me again? How do I get him to want to see me?

Yeah, I'm going to have to go along with WakeUp on this one.

Dear Lady, I know you hurting and confused with his hot then cold behaviour but I'm going to ask you to take yourself out of the situation and look back in with a fresh set of eyes. See the warning signs. His wishy washy "I love you beautiful" "I don't love you", "I want you, I don't want you" mumbo jumbo make up your mind already IS NOT cool... and you know it. Deep down, you do.
I get that when you two are cozy, life is grand. Yet if he cannot muster the level of commitment or at least hold to it, are you really going to be that girl on the end of anyones line?
I would suggest some serious time for reflection, self worth, pride awareness and self love for you lady. You know what he's doing isn't cool. Even if he is a good guy, to pull you in and then push you out over and over again is only showing him that your alright with this and well, your not. Nor should you be.

If buddy needs space, I think you should give him all the space in the World and show him you will not under any circumstances be treated this way. Mote it be so.
oh yeah, and the condom thing? His excuse for the missing one? Come on. Plenty of lubrication options in a household that don't require opening a condom. Follow your gut. You may have known this chap for a long time and are old friends but he is NOT the be all end all. Lots of good men out there. Don't sell yourself short.

Even if he genuinely does have love for you yet is feeling the uncertainty of moving in, he's going about it the wrong way and your letting him by continuing to be there when it's convenient for him. wtf right? Right. Sometimes it is easier, clearer when we take ourselves out of our personal situation and think of ourselves in a third party way. Like, if you were your sister or dear friend, what would you tell yourself?

[woody]

[MENTION=52694]Wakeup[/MENTION], ^^you wanna get this one? I think I may sugar coat it a little too much and uh, maybe that's not what's needed here. You have a way with words.

[n33dlove]

What do you mean?

[MENTION=52694]Wakeup[/MENTION], ^^you wanna get this one? I think I may sugar coat it a little too much and uh, maybe that's not what's needed here. You have a way with words.

[woody]

I saw him yesterday and he seemed normal (cuddly and hugging me etc.) besides not saying I love you or I missed you. I gave him the V-day gift I had gotten him and he didn't like it. Our friend is visiting from out of town this weekend so i was planning to join... he said this weekend was a guy weekend. So after this I will have seen him only 1 day out of 4 weeks. He also still never acknowledged valentines day.. we were supposed to make it up sometime.

How do I make him want me again? How do I get him to want to see me?

Read your last line. Can you see the problem?

- - - Updated - - -

Okay, i'll add more since Wakeup's not about yet.
I believe you may be at risk at becoming overly compromising towards your own self worth and I wonder why this is happening to you.

[Wakeup]

He treats you like shit and instead of asking how you should break up with him, you ask how you can make him love you again?

Did you have sex with this guy when he finally came around to see you?

Third time asking now: Adding: I ask again: Was this the first time you questioned his fidelity or have you been on him about this type of thing before and this was the straw that broke the camels back?

[n33dlove]

Yes we did have sex. And I have never accused him of anything before. He seemed to admit yesterday that he wants more guy time... since I visit every weekend I guess he doesn't get time with his guy friends as much as he would like. which is understandable. He seems to be all over the place. I feel like once he asked me to move in... he panicked and realized we are getting more serious.

Once I left I didn't hear from him until after noon today... he usually would have checked that I got home okay or said goodnight.. just little things that I am not willing to complain to him about... are building up in my mind and heart and showing me he doesn't care or want me.

[Wakeup]

He's treating you like a booty call and more likely then not he's cheating on you and wanting to dawg around when he's not with you and uses his male friends as an excuse. He likely wants to spend time with who he is cheating with on the weekend because she's now getting upset that he doesn't spend any weekends with her.

Sorry but that's what it looks like. No matter what he's doing... it's clear he's not valuing you like you are wishing he would. Don't stick around for his bullshit. Get out, break up with him and go zero contact so you'll get over him quicker.

[TablesandChairs]

He sounds like a nice guy. Call interflora and have 100 roses sent to his door.

...Or just realise that you're a love-sick puppet having your strings tugged by a chronic masturbator and move on because this jerk isn't going to get any unjerkier.

[michelle23]

It sounds to me like hes just using you for sex and there probably is someone else. Your ignored most the week unless ye are talking about sex, the only attention you get is at the weekend when sex is involved and he is being so dramatic and making a big deal out of nothing saying you don't trust him which makes me believe he is deflecting and actually cannot be trusted at all.

You have known this man for years, you say you are good friends so how has he treated girls over the years? Has he always been an asshole?.