i am going to ask him out

[Laurie]

I am! I've posted somewhere but cant find where but anyway I am gong to approach the assistant tutor at my uni and ask him out (I'm a mature student) I've arranged for the group to go out on Friday eve to celebrate the end of our 2nd module and I am going to tell him that I would really like it if he'd join us. If he says yes ok then great if he says no he cant I will then say that if he would like to then maybe we could go for a drink together. Leave it at that see what he says. Hopefully he will say something! I have it all planned. I know he questions things a lot so if he questions me 'how do you mean?' Then i will have to be straight and say T I am asking you out with a flirty grin.... I'll probably burn red and stutter my words as per usual but that's my plan. Fingers crossed all goes well. Wish me luck... Advice... Opinions!
X

[Wakeup]

How "mature" of a student are you?

[Laurie]

How "mature" of a student are you?

Hi wakeup

I'm 34 year old single mum, I've been on my own a long time. Best place to be free with your thoughts is online (so long as its for good reasons not anything bad of course!). Noone knows who I am and to some extent I can let my hair down and talk about stuff I wouldn't normally. I know I sound stupid but this forum is my soundboard and I am sorry if I offend or annoy anyone... I'm anxious about asking him out. You can laugh at me if you wish ��

[basilandthyme]

Here's your previous thread on this [url]https://www.loveforum.net/love-advice-forum/93987-opinions-advice.html?highlight=[/url]

I agree with the advice given there about waiting till you graduate. You don't want to put him and his job at risk

[Laurie]

I agree with the advice given there about waiting till you graduate. You don't want to put him and his job at risk

Hi thanks for that... I wonder if there is anyway of amalgamating the two threads!

I wont graduate for two years he'll leave in June when his contract ends. If he doesn't know how i feel and he leaves i will have lost him and then what do I do? There can't be any harm in me inviting him out with the group on Friday. Will it not let him.know that I'm.interested in him without any pressure on him... If he wants to pursue me he can whenever he choses - its just over the course of the weekend I have had this stronger urge to tell him somehow. I wont jeopardize his job if I don't get a response I'll back off if he tells me no I'll back off if he tells me he cant because of his job I can wait but surely I need to let him.know how I feel. ..my head and heart are in turmoil. I don't want to lose my chance. I sound like some desperado ...im.not honest! Why have I allowed this to happen to me...6 months ago I was adamant that I was happy to be single and i had no interest in having a relationship. why has this changed! I think I should be angry with myself but its such a wonderful feeling that I have .. This all sounds so soppy apologies. I don't want to be waiting for a longtime before I tell him how I feel only to discover he doesn't feel the same way... I would rather know so I can move on if necessary.

[Wakeup]

Do you think you're a mature enough student who could wait on instant gratification until June and ask him out then when he won't be affiliated with the college in any way if his contract is up then?

[Laurie]

Do you think you're a mature enough student who could wait on instant gratification until June and ask him out then when he won't be affiliated with the college in any way if his contract is up then?

Thanks Wakeup. Well I will invite him to the group drink anyway on Friday see what happens (I didn't see him yesterday). He's an adult same age as me as am I. I am aware of his contract I just want to know so I can get over him or not. I am not going to jeopardise his career in anyway I am not stupid or selfish like that... I did some research and actually if we do get together he only has to declare it to head of school as we are adults and these things happen. However once I know where I stand am happy then to say to him we should wait until June... We are both adults we can do that surely. Chances are he doesn't feel the same way anyway I have prepared myself for that also. I am also a bit excited by how I feel.

[Laurie]

There was a message left on here I think from wakeup) but I cant see it (received the message in an email alert). I don't think my thoughts are OCD its just been a very long time since I felt this way about anyone since a very shitty break up years ago. And I don't know if he likes me, we talk a lot and he shows me his work (he's an artist) but I don't know if he likes me. Anyway he's not assigned to our group this week so I wont see him. By happy pants I am not sure what you are referring to I am for certain not someone who jumps into bed with any dick tom or harry! I do have self respect and am not some tart. I am just in a place that makes me feel happy at the moment. besides whether he likes me or not he may not wish to get involved with a single mum which is understandable (he knows about my daughter we talked about it) anyway we'll see what he has to say. If we feel the same way I will be very happy. If we don't then so be it. That's life isn't it.

[Laurie]

Thought I would post an update. I saw him today and it was quiet moment with noone around. I was apprehensive but decided to plunge in, after a bit of a chit chat of course. I felt really stupid and I stumbled over my words like a fool and could hardly look at him (felt like a kid!) i think I was a bit scared. But anyway whenbi finally plucked up the courage tonlook at his face rather than the floor he was smiling but he cant make tomorrow night BUT HE suggested we went for a lunchtime drink together. So we did. It was amazing. Hes so lovely. We chatted for ages about general stuff and I think I was flushed red the entire time when he said we needed to talk about 'us'.... My stomach lurched because I think I thought id made a mistake andhe wanted to tell me to back off but I cant believe how much we talked and we talked about having a relationship and I suggested that we could wait for his contract to end. He agreed too he thinks it would be better because my fellow students might not like it and although he has no intention of staying on with the uni he wasn't sure they'd like it even though he isn't involved with assessments. I have to admit I felt really sad about it but we are going to meet up outside of uni more so we can get to know each other better as friends. So we've been texting loads this evening and ye wants to take me out for dinner next week on Wednesday I'm really excited. My head is like in a whirlwind of excitement. It was difficult though everytime I saw him today to try and act cool lol tomorrow will be harder as he's back working with us again.

[lissa]

Yay! That's great. Very happy for you, Laurie, hope it all works out!

[Wakeup]

Good luck.

[Laurie]

Thanks I cant quite believe it lol

[Laurie]

Ok well we've been out a few times, just us and as a group. We've had great fun but something I've noticed and makes me feel a bit uncomfortable is just how much he drinks... I think he's quite shy and he gets annoyed with himself. I feel like he has something to tell me but cant ... I don't know how to explain it.
Tuesday midday he came round our studio and we were chatting and he picked up my work and I noticed he had shaky hands and I thought maybe he'd been working late and was tired or was a bit anxious. I didn't say anything. After uni we went for some food together and we were there 2 hours and he downed 4 pints. I thought nothing of it just a social occassion. I didn't see him Wednesday but Thursday and he was shaky again in the morning and my mind flashed back to how much he had drank in that short space of time. We managed a quick drink after uni (1/2 hr) and he drank 2 pints. Friday he was really shaky and we all went out from our group to celebrate our module results and he joined us and he I lost count how much he drank we were out 3 hours, I dropped him and a couple of others home as I was driving. But its really on my mind. He's so lovely but is he an alcoholic? Are his shakes alcohol related? I cant get in a relationship with another alcoholic not again and I am worried. Should I just ask him? I don't know what to do!

[Wakeup]

Its a red flag for you that he drinks so much so why don't you ask him to do something else other then drink?

What do YOU do for fun other then hang out at some pub? Do something where you're outside and not near a place where alcohol can be purchased. See how he acts/reacts when he can't get his hands on it.

I find it awfully odd that you're not wanting to be in a relationship with ANOTHER alcoholic yet you're having ALL of your interaction with him in an alcoholic venue. Its almost like you're attracted/wanting an alcoholic because you'd not be attracted to him if he wasn't one.

[Laurie]

Its a red flag for you that he drinks so much so why don't you ask him to do something else other then drink?

What do YOU do for fun other then hang out at some pub? Do something where you're outside and not near a place where alcohol can be purchased. See how he acts/reacts when he can't get his hands on it.

I find it awfully odd that you're not wanting to be in a relationship with ANOTHER alcoholic yet you're having ALL of your interaction with him in an alcoholic venue. Its almost like you're attracted/wanting an alcoholic because you'd not be attracted to him if he wasn't one.

Your last comment is certainly not true... I am not attracted at all to alcoholics. Now we have been to the pub because they sell food on a reasonable budget that's why we went and its where all the students from my uni go. The uni is surrounded by pubs.

I guess I came on here hoping someone would say nah he's not an alcoholic its normal, I've just forgotten how it is I've been single so long. But its clearly not normal.

I don't actually go out very often. If I do go out its to the cinema or I am taking my daughter somewhere or I go to art galleries/museums... He's not meeting my daughter yet anyway.

Why do I go to the pub...? I don't object to the pub, I don't object to people drinking not everyone is a sh!t when they drink. It was just the quantity he drank that got me and if he is a drinker then that's his choice and my choice would be not to be in a relationship with him.

Anyway I just wanted someone to say I was looking at this wrong but I thank you for pointing out I am seeing this right and I'll suggest we go somewhere else and see what he thinks or says/behaves.

I don't want to be in a relationship with an Alco, although I think this guy isn't likely to be violent I cant risk that no matter how I feel for him. I am sensible, I do learn from my past mistakes and my daughters safety and mine comes first. I'll do as you suggest and see what happens. I am not afraid of ending a relationship. Christ we are not officially in any relationship anyway.

- - - Updated - - -

Also I should add I've been out with him three times twice alone and once with a large group from uni. I don't know where you are from (Canada?) but in England going to the pub for lunch or dinner is quite normal... Most placed here sell alcohol even at the park if there is an art centre attached. There is a bar at the cinema a bar at the craft centre. I've looked up most places there's a bar everywhere. So its not like I am choosing to go somewhere where they sell alcohol because I want to be with an alcoholic... It surrounds us here... that doesn't mean of course that we are all alcoholics in the UK