children or not

[poppy75]

I have never hidden from my husband I would like more children, I have 2 teenagers from my first marriage. We have been together 5 years and he said he wanted children, only when I suggested trying for a baby became stressed. Anyway he now says that isn't what he wants, I feel duped I am 40 and a baby would be a miracle. I am angry at him, I have always been understanding to his needs, moved areas, paid for a wedding he wanted but the one thing I want is to have a baby together. He has a brother who has learning disabilities and this is the excuse he uses for not wanting kids. We had a scare just over a year ago and was very supportive. So confused, want him to understand my feelings, I have given up loads for him.....

[Wakeup]

At 40 and your other two practically grown enough to look after themselves and soon enough marrying as well, I'm sorry, but I'm having a hard time taking your side. You two could soon have a child free life where you can go off and travel the world without worrying about who will take care of Junior?

You say you've "never hidden from your husband that you want more children" Well, what did he say about HIS preference?

Soon enough you'll be a grandmother and you can enjoy new babes then. Nothing like being a gramma. All the rewards and when they get cranky Mommy gets off work and takes them home to their house. lol.

[poppy75]

I can't forget him lying to me. My first husband was abusive to me and my children so have ended up bringing them up on my own. I explained to my husband how much it would mean to me to have a proper family and a father who wanted to be a father. I have given up lots for him and still he takes more from me. I want something back from him. I know that having a baby isn't an option now, he should have been honest. What now? I have no idea what I want.....

[basilandthyme]

Perhaps he wasn't lying. Perhaps he was trying to come around to the idea but just couldn't get there.

I also have to throw out the idea that this issue is pretty much a moot point anyway. You say that at 40 a pregnancy would be a miracle - and you're right. The odds are very low. Have you realised that you are arguing over something which may not be possible anyway?

[Wakeup]

I can't forget him lying to me. My first husband was abusive to me and my children so have ended up bringing them up on my own. I explained to my husband how much it would mean to me to have a proper family and a father who wanted to be a father. I have given up lots for him and still he takes more from me. I want something back from him. I know that having a baby isn't an option now, he should have been honest. What now? I have no idea what I want.....

Did he actually lie to you and tell you he wanted children or did he tell you outright, before you married him hat he did not want children? You keep telling us that you kept talking about children and wanting them but you don't tell us how he responded to you.

[michelle23]

If he agreed to having one then you have a right to be upset about this. I just don't understand why you didn't push for it 2 or 3 years ago? Why not have the baby asap as pregnancy can be high risk over 35 and it is more difficult to concieve.

[poppy75]

If he agreed to having one then you have a right to be upset about this. I just don't understand why you didn't push for it 2 or 3 years ago? Why not have the baby asap as pregnancy can be high risk over 35 and it is more difficult to concieve.

No he did lie, told me when I was younger that he wanted a family. He had a lot of issues and then when he was truly honest I was probably getting too old to conceive. He is quite selfish and I am sick of compromising for him. He always gets what he wants and I am feeling extremely resentful. It feels like my life is one big compromise.

[Wakeup]

"compromise" is not you just doing what HE wants... it's about neither of you getting 100% of what you wanted but you both do get something out of it.

e.g. You get your children but not until he's a certain age... many guys pick the age of 30 if they are actually planning the pregnancy and it's not a "whoops" moment. How old is your husband and how long have you two been together?