Is he going to ever come back, or words just for comfort?

[NuocMama]

My ex and I have dated for about 7 months. Although, that seems like a short amount of time, we've known each other longer and were very serious about each other during the relationship. We have done things with each other that we have never done with people we dated before. However, over the time of our relationship, work would get hectic for him and sometimes there would be emergency calls and he'd get sent out of town for fires in the mountain areas, or sometimes get called in to do some training/project for work on the weekends. The whole time we dated, he didn't have a car since it no longer worked so seeing me was hard and took 40 minutes to come see me. Some days he would cancel on me because of last minute work and after a while I was fed up with it and was sad. We'd always discuss how he'd always cancel and never came through because of work. The last time I ever blew up on him in our relationship, left him insecure and upset. He felt like everything he did couldn't make me happy when I was someone that meant so much to him. He broke up with me and I was so devastated. I was mad at myself for not being understanding of his situation with work. He broke up with me because he didn't want to keep me waiting, felt like i could find someone better than him, and it was hard balancing work, family, and keeping me happy.

2 weeks after the break up we talked again because of some drama and we cleared it up. He said how nice it felt talking to me again and still loves me, but with how work is, he doesn't know if he can manage a relationship. We hung out for a week doing couple stuff. He was called on another fire and left for a week, but never talked to me again. I was depressed and felt like crap about myself. I felt like he used me for sex.

Almost 4 months of not talking to each other, he messaged me out of no where and said how he felt like shit for what he did to me and had to get things off his chest. He said I was an amazing girl and he loved everything about me and how he ****ed up. He explained the reason why he broke up with me was because he felt I deserved better and the reason why he stopped talking to me was because he assumed I wouldn't talk to him anymore after what he has done and that he best friend nagged and bitched at him to stop talking to me since she thought he was better off without me. We talked again, but this time we started things off slow. He wanted to build my trust again, be friends, and gradually build a relationship. After our relationship, I was more understanding of work and if things had to be canceled. The first 1 month and a half was amazing, but we'd often cancel plans since something came up for me, or for him. Sometimes he'd reply slow, but be active on fb and like girls' pics and made me insecure. We didn't see each other for a month and a half and I'd get mad, or upset at him since I was insecure and felt like he didn't try. I'd get mad at him almost every weekend and every time he'd explain that he was tired of repeating the same thing and that he does love me, care, and does try. The last time ever he hung with his best friend on v-day and I was upset how their plans came through. I once again brought up how i felt he didn't put in effort and if he cared. He said he did care, but he wasn't going to try to defend himself, and actions. I tried texting him and calling him, but he didn't answer to any of them since that day. He didn't even explain, or give any closure... My best friend messaged him and asked him what had happened and he said he stopped talking to me and that he tried being friends with me, but I was being crazy and got mad at him for liking girls' pictures and not seeing me for a month. my best friend asked if he was going to completely stop talking to me. He said "maybe later on" but for now he has to focus on work and situate his life and he can't, nor does he want to deal with extra drama right now and that he does care for me, but for now he has to focus on himself. My friend asked when "later on" would be and he said he doesn't know the exact time, but for now he needs to focus on his career and where his life is situated. The reason to why he never hit me up and seemed like he didn't try was because he was called in for work.

I'm broken he stopped talking to me randomly. I asked my guy friend what he thought and he thinks my ex will talk to me again since my ex said "maybe later on" and can't deal with extra stress "right now." He said guys will always come back to a girl they care about a lot, but i feel like who knows if "maybe" is for sure, or when "later on" is... I wish my ex would've explained work was in the way and I would've been understanding about it and not get mad/upset/insecure all those times... What does it mean when a guy says that? What do you guys think?

[Wakeup]

You were a booty call that started to make waves and so he keeps ending it. He knows you're desperate enough to take him back and have sex with him again so he waits until he knows you're sick with wanting him and then he springs on you, hoovers you back for more sex and then he leaves you again.

He has played you this whole time and you are not with enough self-worth, respect of self or personal boundaries to have told him to go fk himself that no one treats you like an option and kept him gone out of your life. You didn't even have to say any of that to him... you could have said it to yourself and then blocked and deleted his ass from being able to hoover you back.

I'm sorry you're hurting but learn from this so that you don't let another man whittle you down like this one has.

- - - Updated - - -

He said guys will always come back to a girl they care about a lot,

Uhm... usually they just don't leave girls they actually care a lot about.

This guy, who knows he can come back for more uncommitted nooky always comes back for some of that, though... as you've discovered. Put an end to the roller coaster ride this player has you on.

[NuocMama]

I understand... the last time we talked we never had sex, or anything just hanging out as friends and knowing each other. The reason why he stopped talking to me the first time was because his best friend bitched at the both of us to stop associating/be together. When he did, she came in and told me he used me and mixed out stories up, which is why I believed what I believed. We confronted her about it when he talked to me again after the 4 months, and she said that she said all that because that's what she believed/interpreted and was right for the both of us.

[GemaaaSpirit]

Real difficult situation, you need to have the strength to move on.. which is really hard I know, but I never heard a story like this ending well. Good luck!

[nootkan]

I think you need to move on also and get your insecurities in check as they are what caused you the grief in the first place. You cannot expect a man to give up work for you and nor should you give it up for him. Get out there and date again and if he genuinely loves you that should be enough to open his eyes to what he's lost. If not, then you will know for sure what his motives were and it should reinforce the decision to move on and find someone else who will be more compatible with your lifestyle and goals. Good Luck.

[Torrent]

Since you where going out for such a short time and he still could not manage you, then I am sorry to tell you this, but I am quite certain that he is not sure what he feels for you, he does not see future with you, so he wont invest in it.

[lissa]

This guy has never given you what you needed and I think you need to take a hard look at why you would want him back. He did not make the time for you nor show he ever cared in the relationship. You were 100% right to feel sad and insecure the entire time. He was working long hours, canceling on you, and your needs weren't being met... and each time you brought up your needs, he acted as if it was all in your head, or like you were being unreasonable. This guy was simply not able to give you what you needed from a boyfriend and therefore, you weren't a match.

But instead of acknowledging that this guy was unable to make you happy and moving on, you have convinced yourself that if only you could tolerate the way he treats you, and convince him to give you another chance, then things will finally work out. Which makes you hold all your emotions in and eventually you end up freaking out on him because you can't hold it in anymore. (Those emotions and insecurities are healthy and they deserve for you to listen to them and not rationalize them away.)

To answer your question, and I hate to be so harsh, but no, he is not ever going to want to date you seriously again. It seems he was never into you enough in the first place to make you a priority, and especially now that you've shown you are willing to take whatever scraps he'll give you, he definitely doesn't respect you enough to seriously date. He thinks of you as the woman who stresses him out. Not gonna happen.

BUT again, you can't beat yourself up over this or wonder what things would be like if you had acted differently. This wasn't going to work out from the get-go and the real thing you did wrong was not giving up and moving on when he broke up with you the first time.

[rrelf]

The reason your ex is acting this way is because he feels that he can treat you any way and come back to you whenever he feels he wants. Everything is on his terms, the entire relationship is based on him and his needs, his job, his fun and excitement. Every plan that is made between the two of you will crumble to pieces if he makes makes one statement such as "I have work", "I wanted to hang with you today but something came up" etc. What about you? What about your life, your goals? Do you have something that you're really passionate about in life that you can share with him that he will support? If you have a passion that he supports then chances are he will be in to you for who you really are instead of just occasional sex and excitement when he's lonely. If you don't have a passion, or a goal then find something that you really love in life so that when you date someone you can gain their support on something as well.

You have to gain some power in your relationship as well. Have you ever cancelled on your ex? Have you ever been unavailable? I know I'm asking a lot of questions but these are the things that start to crave a guys attention. The moments where you have some sort of control to say I'm busy today, I have to go out with my girls or have an appointment. The moments where you're not reacting to his facebook likes, the moments where you can care less because you have your own agenda.

You can potentially get him back but when you have your own agenda and on your own time. A few adjustments need to be made but chances are you should find someone else because he's going to keep playing with your heart if you allow him too. I want to see you take control and stop sobbing over this one guy, Get out there and find someone else and allow him to see that you have other options and other things to do then to worry about his every move.

Don't waste anymore time, You're a beautiful woman inside and out and can do better for yourself, I'm sure.