I have a problem, please help!!!

[drougn]

Okay, let me introduce myself, My name is Donald, I am 24, kind, spiritual, open to new experiences, ect. Not much to write home about yes now about her. She is also 24 I will not mention her name. she is sadistic, mean, and sometimes nasty. This of course is only the outside. She is a mother, and an amazing on at that. not the best looker or anything, but I do love her. she has a history of sexual abuse. Im not going into specifics, but she has been abused since she was 3. Now about us we have been together for about a year now. we have been friends much much longer. I have spent a long time helping her overcome her trauma, and such, and she has since opened up to me. we are both cheese maniacs and similar tastes in music ect. I helped her overcome a relationship with a narcissist and shes been with me now. We have yet to have sex, not because her past. but because I wanted to wait till I was 25 before I lost my virginity, and because I wanted to show her I don't need sex. well things were going great untill about two weeks ago. she went back to the narcissist, for reasons I will not divulge, and it hurts me greatly. we technically weren't together at the time but still, it hurts. I dont know what to do. All thats been going through my mind is she has repeated the same thing all my past relationships have done, and that is dumping me without a words and never speaking to me again.

[michelle23]

You are friend zoning yourself by being too nice and acting more like a gay best friend then a boyfriend (no disrespect). I am not saying you should change but you should at least expect some boyfriend benefits (even if its not full sex if your not ready) otherwise she will just see you as a friend if there is no sexual chemistry or intimacy. Even women who are complete prudes/nuns still want to feel desired..

But thats not the only issue with this girl.she needs professional help. She has been abused her whole life so its only natural for her to stick to what she knows and continue this cycle with an abusive man.. therapy may help her break the cycle but you cant. It explains why the narcissist is so appealing to her. Its all shes ever known

[TheEvilJester]

It was very noble of you to want to try to be there for her and help her get through all of her problems. That would be great if she was already working on all of that. It doesn't sound like she is at all. It sounds to me more so like she is allowing herself to be trapped by them and refusing to fight to free herself. So, in my view, the bottom line is why should you fight for somebody who won't fight for you, much less themselves?

It sounds to me like she doesn't deserve you anyway. At least not yet. Please don't get me wrong. What she went through sounds HORRIBLE, so she has every excuse to be having a hard time getting through it. Still, that nothing, not even that, is any excuse for treating people just as terribly as she was treated (in an entirely different way, of course, but treating people terribly nonetheless).

She very obviously needs to get help, and if she refuses to do that, then she is allowing the horrible things that happened to her to define her as a person. I don't pretend to understand what she is going through, nor do I pretend it is easy. It won't be, but it is a fight she must fight if she wishes to ever have any kind of real life.

Bottom line, though, why put yourself through that drama? It would be one thing if she were trying, but obviously she is not. So, before she considers a relationship with ANYBODY, she needs to get help. Until then, I would personally recommend to you that you go nowhere near her. She's already treated you poorly and you do not deserve that. Nobody does. Forget her and find yourself a woman who will treat you with the respect you deserve. Who knows? Maybe in time that WILL BE her, but it isn't right now. Good luck to you.