I ruined something great by hurting her. Now I can't get over it or her. What to do??

[asongandaman]

I was a total fool and hurt someone and I can't get over it or her.

It's been a year since we broke up but we met at work so still saw her regularly until she changed jobs 2 months ago. It ended badly because of the hurt I did, but in a weird sort of way where I never had closure.

The other week (Sunday before Valentines day!) she emails me "Hey hey, How are you? X" out of the blue. I reply asking how she is and about her new job(Friendly but maybe a bit cold. no x's) ... No response.

So confused? Don't think she was drunk thing cuz it was Sunday at 1pm. Also she appeared in a friends instagram feed visiting art galleries.

I have tried hard to get over her but have thought about her every day since then. The email brought something back ... hope. But also despair with the missing reply. Why would she contact only to ignore me????


Back story is important I think:



We met at work, instant connection and she pursued me quite strongly. So much that I was a bit put off. We started dating and she suggested it was "just fun", probably because she knew I felt a bit uneasy about our age difference (she 22 me 34).

It was quickly clear though that she didn't just want "fun". She was very into me again a bit too much, too quickly. I really really liked her though and suggested we take it slow. It's a long story but bottom line is that she kept feeling unwanted and sad because I didn't move at the same pace.

I turned her down for an important event where I would meet her parents and I think that was the final straw.

She broke it off, said she needed time and because I was so used to her being all over me I didn't realize how serious it was.

Overconfident fool.

When I finally did realize it was too late. I tried wooing her a lot but she only got more upset and I decided to back off before I hurt her and myself even more.

I think she tried to avoid me at work after that, not showing up to meetings we would both be in and such. Giving me upset looks if we ran into each other.

One time about a month or so after the break up I asked to meet her because work was awkward. I tried to apologize, said something stupid arrogant like "The way you reacting I can't help thinking you still have feelings for me". She got really upset, called me a psychopath and left. That still hurts me to think about. That was the last time we spoke about anything not strictly professional.

[michelle23]

If the age gap was a problem then and prevented you from treating her like a girlfriend then why would now be any different? Are you ready to go at her pace? If not, then why do you want her back?.

[dollhouse]

Maybe she was thinking about you too, wanted to see if you'd reply, testing the waters if you will. You replied, so she knows you are okay.

If she wanted to set up a meeting with you and her parents she was more serious about you then you were about her, and when you blew that meeting off you confirmed it. All you can do is be truthful, give a meaningful.. I am sorry and move on.

[asongandaman]

Thanks guys.

The thing is, I still think about her every day. I fell for her hard in the last few weeks we were together. I really want to get back with her, she is amazing. I liked everything about her, my feelings took a little longer to develop. Probably because she was very young and fell in love very quickly, and she was a bit clumsy I guess in the way she showed me.

I miss her a lot. Have tried dating other girls, and all I think about is how I would rather be doing this with her.

I don't know if she emailed me to check that I was still there. Or because she was thinking about me. Or maybe she just finds it easier to get over things when she knows I am still into her?

Or possibly her and our mutual work friend were talking, her friend used to fancy me a bit when she first started working here but I wasn't interested. Maybe they talked about that (me and my ex kept it quiet because of the work thing so few ppl knew) and my ex wanted to prove that I would reply or something. Maybe that is silly.