One Night Stands - when single - the pluses and minuses involved?

[basilandthyme]

Maybe becoming more dominant would be a good thing for you -- don't ask for what you want, take what you want for a change up.

I'm not so sure it's this easy to change one's instinct. I'm very dominant and not only can I not imagine being passive, I don't think I'd like it much at all.

There is an element of being who we really are.

[megvoh]

I'm too scared shit-less to engage in a one night stand. I'm scared they will kill me or give me a sexually transmitted disease.

[dollhouse]

That is funny, megvoh because people on Craigslist used to use it to kill people so you aren't being far fetched with saying that.

Jffs24 and basilandthyme conversation - I don't think I can automatically change from non aggressive to a take them by the balls and lead type of girl, unless I have some assertiveness training then maybe. I can stand up for myself in work and with friends but sexually not as much.

[megvoh]

Damn internet making life easier for serial killers

[basilandthyme]

Jffs24 and basilandthyme conversation - I don't think I can automatically change from non aggressive to a take them by the balls and lead type of girl, unless I have some assertiveness training then maybe. I can stand up for myself in work and with friends but sexually not as much.

Why not? Not attacking, just genuinely curious. What fear goes through your head when you think about initiating?

[dollhouse]

I don't mind you asking, basilandthyme. I think it is just how I think gender roles work where I want the man to be the sexual aggressor not myself being that, only when it comes to kissing I am okay with starting it off but bedroom action I want him to initiate first and be the dominant partner.

[Jffs24]

You should tell yourself June is the month for it and just pick someone you are sexually into and do it -- unless you gave up on trying? Guys like girls to take charge too.

[megvoh]

If you aren't itching for sex, don't bother.. wait until you really want and need it.

[dollhouse]

I slept with someone since last posting on here, was someone from out of town, nothing special, and have no want to __ them again. Just needed to do it and that was that I guess, and oddly I felt nothing. I did find him very attractive but nothing deeper than that. Wanted to update and leave it at that, no gory details though, sorry.

[pcmaster]

Thanks for your update. Great that it worked for you.

[dollhouse]

Thank you, pcmaster. It was just for the one off ONS thing and out of my system now, I guess. Obviously I enjoyed it but I did tell him when he asked for my cell number and could text me when in town again I replied no we don't need to do that, I don't if he meant have sex again or be friends but I don't want any sort of familiar relationship from that with him. Defeats its purpose.

[fearoflove]

I have never been in a one night stand but there are some obvious pros and cons:

Pro:

No strings attached sex which means that you won't have to think about having a relationship with anyone, no need to care about the other person's feelings. No need to reply to texts, emails, phone calls.

Excitement and sexual variety.

Boost of Ego. Most women can get guys lining up to have sex with you. You can get really good looking men to sleep with as well. If you just had a bad breakup, it might be cathartic to just have sex with another man.

Cons:

STDS. Your chances of getting them increases if you have sex with strangers who you cannot confirm their sexual health history. Even with protections (Pills, and condom), you will likely get a few STDs because condoms cannot protect you from all STDS which can increase your chances of getting aids, health issues, ability to give birth in the future. Can also impact any future partners, chances of getting a husband (you might have disclose info if it has any chances affecting him or future children in the future).

Reputation. If you have sex with people who knows your circle of friends, word might get around and people would just identify you as someone who have casual sex with anyone. You can avoid this by not having sex with people who know your friends.

Catching of feelings. This never happens to me but some people do catch feelings for people they have sex with especially when he is good in bed.

No dates, just casual sex. You don't get the perks of getting treated out to dinner or gifts. That is reserved for dating. So, its possible you might feel cheap because they just have sex and then go, with no follow-ups.

Honestly, I don't find that ONS are that great. Definitely do not spend money on it either. An average woman can get guys lining up for a chance (yes! just a chance!) to have sex. So, why do you need to spend money on it?

[dickriculous]

Thank you, pcmaster. It was just for the one off ONS thing and out of my system now, I guess. Obviously I enjoyed it but I did tell him when he asked for my cell number and could text me when in town again I replied no we don't need to do that, I don't if he meant have sex again or be friends but I don't want any sort of familiar relationship from that with him. Defeats its purpose.

I've never really thought about it like that myself. To me, ONS never really had a purpose, I kind of just did it whenever I felt like it and whether or not anything else came of it was just based on what we wanted to do.

Hell, before I started posting here and seeing everyone else do it I never even felt the need to categorize it, to me it was just having sex and never required any further analysis. Do it if you feel like it, don't do it if you don't, it seems bizarre to me that people overcomplicate this to such a degree. Before I came here it never even occured to me that there was anything to overcomplicate to begin with.

[dollhouse]

Thanks for your replies... fearoflove and dickiculous.

I still haven't had any more contact with him, so was a true to name ONS.

Like you said fearoflove..the no strings attached aspect is what drew me and just doing something outside my personality. He used a condom, and I think he wanted more, and a did have a tinge of feeling bad on saying I don't want anything more but was good for me to do what I wanted for once.

Dickriculous..I think there is a big difference on how people men and women seeing women doing this activity over men, look at what some women told me on the first page, michelle23 especially and that shows what I stated on even women judge women harshly. I don't judge anyone, male or female...it isn't cheating so.. I did it and I am okay not doing it again, I prefer relationships for myself.

[dickriculous]

Dickriculous..I think there is a big difference on how people men and women seeing women doing this activity over men, look at what some women told me on the first page, michelle23 especially and that shows what I stated on even women judge women harshly. I don't judge anyone, male or female...it isn't cheating so.. I did it and I am okay not doing it again, I prefer relationships for myself.

I get what you're saying about the judgment issue. I'm not saying that the judgmental attitude doesn't exist, I'm saying I don't understand why anyone cares. Believe it or not men get slut shamed too, only instead of being called sluts they get accused of having no respect for women, thinking they're nothing but objects, or something along those lines. Know how these men typically respond to this? They don't, they keep doing what they do and see this judgment for what it really is - irrelevant.