Crush on guy friend who has a girlfriend

[lokiujgs]

Hey everyone,
I have a problem. I’m in love with my guy friend who already has a girlfriend. That sounds pretty horrible, I know. Normally I would suck it up and get over it, but I’m just not sure what to make of our whole situation.
So here’s the story:
We’ve started the same study group in uni five months ago and we quickly became friends because we have the same sense of humor and so on. I knew he had a girlfriend quite early on, so I didn’t really think anything of it when he started to become quite touchy-feely in the beginning, hugging me or laying his hands around my waist. He also made me a lot of compliments quite early on, but they were friendly and polite rather than flirty and inappropriate. What I found rather strange was that he always pointed out how much we had in common, for example when I brought food with me to the study group, he’ll point out it’s his favorite food as well. Or the same thing with clothes and films and such. One or two months after the study group started I sometimes noticed him, staring at me from across the room and when I look back, he didn’t look away but kept staring. We would have these really long stares that lasted unusually long and made me feel weird. I also received a text from him, even though I never gave him my number. In the text, he asked me if he could borrow a book, a book everyone in our study group has, and some of them are friends with him far longer and better than I am. Also his compliments started to change and they became really flirty. He also openly checked me out. Then one of the weirdest things happened: I was texting someone and he was sitting next to me trying to see what and whom I was writing. I told him to back off because it was none of his business and that I wouldn’t try to read his girlfriend’s text either. He then opened his text conversation with his girlfriend and gave me his phone wanting me to read. I told him that I didn’t want to and that it was not appropriate for me to read their texts. He also started to joke in front of the group that our study group meetings were just attempts to set us two up. He also made a few comments implying us having sex together. I was getting really confused and lost control of feelings somewhere along the way because his behaviour was out of character. He is normally quite a gentleman and not one of those player types. Things got even more confusing. About a month ago, we joked around and then he said jokingly: “I always want you to be my girl. But you don’t want to.” I was really baffled, laughed it off and walked away because I didn’t know what to respond. Then we all went out drinking after our exams two weeks ago. He tried to get me drunk, then boasted about how much of a player he could have been if he had wanted to. I got quite angry with him, cause I didn’t really like his behaviour and when I walked to the toilet he came running after me, hugging me very tightly and when I asked him if he wanted to strangle me, he said: “no, but we could kiss.” I frowned and walked off to the toilet. When I came back, I sat down and talked with a friend. A little time later he sat next to me talking to someone else, but he laid his hand on my thigh and left it there for about 5 minutes. I didn’t know what to do about it. I feel really confused. I really really like him but I can’t quite figure him out. Then after the night out, it was my birthday and everyone from the study group wrote a little personal note on a card. He wrote: “Thank you for being the only one who understands me. I’ll kill you if you ever change.” I now have no idea what all of this means. If the situation were clearer to me, I tried to get over it without disturbing the relationship. But now I feel if our friendship continues like this it’s not good for me either. Can someone explain why he is acting the way he’s acting?

[smackie9]

It's very clear what his intentions are, and I have to warn you he is willing to cheat on his GF with you. This is the kind of guy you DO NOT want to have as a BF. He obviously doesn't care about boundaries....and yes his touching and whatnot IS inappropriate. Think about it, how would you feel if you saw your BF doing these things to another girl? Touching her waste, texting her, flirting, etc. Now do you see the big picture? Get your head out of your ass, he's been mackin on you since day one......he's been emotionally cheating on his GF with you, and is taking steps to make it physical. This guy has manipulated you into having feelings for him, and purposely making you confused so you will fall into his web.....he is a dog.....a rat bastard.


The end result....he has sex with you, use you, then dump you, stays with his GF. All he wants is to have some strange on the side.

[Wakeup]

can someone explain why he is acting the way he is acting?

Can YOU explain why you are acting the way you are acting? You see you have allowed him to cross platonic friend boundaries by letting him keep his hand on your thigh, letting him talk to you inappropriately for someone who is in a relationship and by letting him talk to you disrespectfully considering he is in a relationship and therefore unable to give himself to you the way a single guy would. People in relationships shouldn't be allowed to act with you as if they are single so learn to keep.it.real.

It is you that has caused yourself to be confused by allowing all of these platonic friend boundaries to be crossed instead of telling him to stop acting single when he is in a relationship. Instead of shutting down his advances, instead of simply asking him what his intentions with you are by acting the way he is acting when he has a girlfriend.

If after you said that he denied any of what you were telling him he was crossing then you simply tell him "sure, what ever you say" and then you walk away from him to let him think about it.

When you shut down bullshit then you don't get confused or need to ask strangers to explain what he is on about.

Hone YOUR personal boundaries so that you have the strength to use your voice and get to the bottom of someone who isn't acting the role that they should be acting.

Take back your personal power and put and end to the bullshit.

[fearoflove]

How can you even like someone who is like that? He is a total douche by doing all these inappropriate things when he has a girlfriend. He is the type who will do that to you if you were with him. I would feel disgusted by his inappropriate attention if I were you.