should I be frustrated

[billabong101]

my gf and I have been going out for about 7 months and have been getting quite serious.Recently there have been a number of other guys whom she was involved or intimate with whom keep texting her on a daily basis and keep making overtures towards her despite her telling them she is in a committed relationship now. I know she can't control who msgs her but it really is upsetting me that she keeps texting back or just does not ignore them without replying.... am I right to feel angry about this ? is this ok/normal for a relationship ??? ...im Australian and she's Americanoso maybe its a cultural difference....any thoughts appreciated as I either want ti know if im right to be upset or whether im just being silly and need to grow up myself...thanks for your help

[basilandthyme]

It's not on. Look, I'm OK with the fact that my hubby is still friends with a couple of exes - heck, I consider them personal friends of my own now. But they would never send him texts on a regular basis and they certainly wouldn't make overtures to him.

Thing is, she CAN choose to end this if she wants. A comment from her to them along the lines of "I'm in a relationship and you need to respect this. If you continue doing this, I will block you". That being said, I wouldn't be comfortable with having people around who need to be told this in the first place.

Anyway, she doesn't stop these guys because she doesn't want to. They are feeding her ego and she enjoys it. Frankly, I'd be moving on if I were you.

[michelle23]

No this is not normal. She likes the attention and is encouraging it.. its not okay in a monogamous relationship. I would ditch her if i were you. If she doesnt have the common sense or emotional intelligence to see how this affects you and your relationship then shes a moron.. no offence

[lovebroken]

No, if this bothers you and she is committed to the relationship with you, she should block the men who are only hitting on her or flirting, it's not appropriate behavior to encourage it and on a daily basis too. She should care more how her BF feels over how other feel if she ignores them. A red flag for you if she doesn't.

[smackie9]

Dude she CAN control what messages get to her phone....she can block these guys. She isn't doing anything about it because she is enjoying the attention. Obviously she has some insecurity /low self esteem issues. She needs constant acceptance to feel self worth, it's almost like an addiction. This isn't a new thing, this is learned behavior from her childhood....possible image problem, picked on, neglect, etc.

So this is what you can do....don't come at her angry or demanding, be calm and just tell her that this is a problem. Then go through it all about her insecurity, her need for this kind of attention, and how it is inappropriate for anyone that is in a committed relationship, that there should be boundaries, but she is crossing them. If she gets defensive, and doesn't want to work through this then there is no helping her at this time and things won't change. It takes two to make a relationship work....if she doesn't want to cooperate....she needs to go. She isn't mature enough for the relationship you expect.