My housemate...

[BellaO]

Hi all. Sorry if this post turns out a bit long, I just want to give all the information.

I recently came out of my first relationship, which went for nearly four years before I ended it. I moved out from where I was living with my ex to a house with 4 lovely guys, 3 of whom I knew. After a few days, everyone was saying the guy I didn't previously know, who is 19 (I am 21) seemed to really like me as he rarely used to spend time with the housemates and now he spent a lot. We spent a lot of time watching movies/TV shows together in one of our rooms and became pretty good friends fast and were quite cuddly. It was pretty obvious he wanted something else and I explained that 1. I'd just come out of a relationship, 2. we were housemates, 3. (not near as importantly as 1 & 2) there was an age difference and 4. I didn't know what I wanted and certainly wasn't ready for anything else serious etc.

However, within a week or two we'd started hooking up and spending more nights in the same room than separately. He'd insisted he wouldn't get attached and not to worry about hurting him. I will still hesitant for myself but really liked him and gave in. What sucks is that since then, a month or two ago, I've grown to like him romantically as well.

Apparently my housemates all know we have been sleeping together now, though its not talked about openly; I know 2 don't care, but worry the other does (not jealous, just he gets very stressed about the consequence of such things for the house dynamics). I don't know if the guy likes me too or not, I feel that I get very mixed messages. We often spend a lot of time together as friends, he has confided a lot in me and sometimes just acts really interested. However, he sometimes says things (I think unintentionally) that don't make me feel great about myself, gets easily annoyed about little things (e.g. it really irks him that I am really clumsy and can apparently quite loud moving about the house) and recently often kicks me out of his room afterwards when he wants to sleep.

I told him recently that I think we should stop for the sake of housemates (he didn't seem to think that mattered) and then I said I was worried I was getting too attached, to which he responded 'you shouldn't do that' I repeated we should stop then and he agreed, 'okay we'll stop' but immediately changed the subject, and well, I guess neither of us had any resolve in that decision as 2 days later it had started again, I just don't know if his reasons were the same as mine.

I know I never should have started this in the first place, don't screw the crew and all that. I just don't know what to do now. If he is interested, should I even pursue something more serious in this situation? And if he isn't, I really don't want to stop, as surely I can at least enjoy what we have? Just looking for some general advice! Thanks all.

[michelle23]

He kicks you out of his room after? How charming. You need to stop this or your going to get hurt

[snoopy1983]

I think she meant the other housemate who might be interested in her kicks her out of his room, this is at least how I read it.

Well, the guy you are with obviously seems to want just the physical part of the relationship. So the question is whether you want such kind of relationship and if you are going to have feelings for him. If you have the latter, I would stop as he made his intentions clear. You can probably do much better than such a relationship and get physical with someone who cares about you as well.

It's not really about the housemates, you make your own decisions, just don't let it interfere with their daily habits so that it becomes a nuisance.