Cheat, Divorce or Sexless Marriage - it has come down to this....

[DH1968]

I'm thinking my approach could be better. The last time I brought it up I had asked if we could talk about our situation and see if we could find a solution together. I even mentioned going to the Dr together that provided the cream and dildo to see if there's anything I can do. I'll bring it up again and try counseling.

Before all this happened her sex drive was high and we had what I considered a happy healthy sex life. I think that all started to change when it went from fun to work as we tried for a baby and then just plain grueling at the end when we realized it wasn't going to happen. It was OK once we realized that, until her issues started and then it really tanked.

Out of curiousity, what wording do you use when you raise this issue? You seem to be fairly sensitive, so I'm assuming you're not being a bastard to her...but I'm just wondering if we could tweak your wording a little.

If you are already doing this in the nicest possible way, then marriage counselling is the only way forward for the two of you.

Also, thanks woody for the kind words!

Edited to add: what was her sex drive like before all these problems?

[basilandthyme]

I think your approach was good. Asking to address the issues together instead of 'me, me, me' was the right way to go. Agree that counselling is your best bet at this point.

Good luck. And let us know how it goes - we all love to hear updates.

[bcgirl]

Communication is key! I'm glad your morals kicked in and you didn't end up cheating on her. What you two need to now do is break that big elephant in the room conversation which is sex. Tell her how you feel. You are sexually frustrated and don't know what to do because you don't want to hurt her. Explain how sex is still very important to you and that you've been extremely patient over the years but it is tearing you apart. You need to be as honest as you can about your feelings because women and men can have VERY different libidos. She may not have a clue that you desire sex this much because in her reality, she's probably all dried up and never ever thinks about sex anymore. Perhaps this conversation would be best with the help of a sex therapist.
Even though intercourse may hurt her, Im sure she can still get very aroused with clitoral stimulation (which is the most common way for female orgasm). Maybe a sexless marriage doesn't have to be so sexless. Oral sex is a great thing.

[JRodriguez]

I had an issue with my wife to where sex was very painfull for her and it was impossible for me to touch her breasts. She started taking 50mg Capsules of Potassium Iodate by Vitamin Research Products. (you can find it on Amazon) and it made all the difference in the world. She's no longer in any pain and our sex life, while not exactly where it was when we were younger, is returned to a state of somewhat normal.
Obviously with her surguries this may not help, but it can't hurt.